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September 8th, 2019 
9:30 am Today is my 36th birthday 🎂. I don’t really have any plans because I’m introverted and would rather stay home. I am going to make the Italian pasta salad I like so much. If you want the recipe, you can find it here. It’s just another day pretty much. Time flies. In 4 years I’ll be 40 and that’s a scary thought.
My parents sent me this card:
Nothing else to really say except I’ve been struggling a lot with my illnesses but that’s nothing new. I also miss my grandparents (they died quite awhile ago). Birthdays and holidays have never been the same since.
Tags : Birthday
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Radio Silence
July 8th, 2019 10:34 am I’ve pretty much put this site on the back burner for 6 months. I’ve been dealing with a lot of mental and physical health issues that are still ongoing and updating it hasn’t been much of a priority for me. Medications have been switched around several times and I keep getting sick. I guess I’ll do some updates in list format:
- My depression has been bad again for a while for reasons I’d rather not get into.
- I bought a ticket to a Deadmau5 concert here in October. The ticket prices were actually reasonable this time. The 2 night New Year’s Eve festivals he has been playing at have been way too expensive.
- I’ve done a lot of rearranging and redecorating of my apartment.
- I received an e-mail in May about being blog of the week on Blogging Fusion but can’t seem to find it. It could have been a post I deleted.
- The grocery store a block away from me closed permanently at the end of June which was really disappointing because I had been going there for 7 years. I’m having to spend more to have groceries delivered because I have trouble getting around.
- I have to figure out more transportation options since I lost my license and car years ago. The bus completely freaks me out because of creepy men being gross.
- I’m looking forward to the new War of Ages album coming out in September. I ordered a pre-order bundle.
- Stranger Things season 3 was pretty good.
- I need to try to blog more often, even though I don’t have a whole lot to say.
Tags : Depression, Health
A new theme
January 30th, 2019 10:45 am I figured it was finally time to change the theme. I really like this one. There were a lot of hiccups trying to get everything working properly.
I saw my doctor last week and was prescribed Lithium for my mood problems. It’s too early to tell if it’s going to help or not. I’ve also been having a lot of pain as I often do. I spoke to a gynecologist about the pain and that I think a hysterectomy would be best since nothing else is really helping. She’d be willing to do the surgery but I have to find out if it’s covered by insurance, and then my mom would have to fly out here to help me recover. Insurance coverage is iffy and I don’t know whether I want to go through with it. Honestly, surgery scares the shit out of me and the only surgery I’ve had was a tonsillectomy when I was a kid. That wasn’t a good experience. I guess I need some more time to think about it.
That’s all the updates I have for now. 
Tags : Health, Mental health, Site
Happy 2019?
January 17th, 2019 3:40 pm I fell behind on blogging again because I got hit with bad depression. I’m still dealing with it (and probably always will). I’m still in therapy and will be seeing my doctor soon. I also had someone else come over and help but I don’t know how that’s going to work out yet because I just met him. The weather has also had some effect. Even though it doesn’t snow here, it got pretty cold for
My holidays were uneventful as they usually are. That’s about the time when this depression hit, around Thanksgiving. I’m feeling a bit better today, probably because I got a decent amount of sleep last night and I’ve only been sleeping a few hours a night for a while. I’m also trying to get back to updating my social media again. I’m taking it day by day I guess.
I just wanted to post a quick update since it’s been so long.
Tags : Depression, Mental health
Saw War of Ages Monday
October 5th, 2018 10:30 pm It’s been a long time since I’ve been to a show. The reason why I haven’t been going is that I lost my car and license due to my arrest in 2015. It’s much harder to get around these days and Lyft/Uber can get expensive. A lot of bands play at a venue that is about half an hour away from me, but this place was closer. It’s a new bar/music venue. When I went in, my anxiety was kicking into overdrive so much that I was really shaky. I was checking out the shirts at the merch table and wanted to buy one. I talked to Leroy (the vocalist) briefly and was surprised he remembered me because this band is from my hometown. After that, I ordered a couple of drinks to calm my anxiety a bit. I was sitting at a table by the bar alone and it felt kind of awkward. Some people talked to me but not a lot. I’ve always been somewhat of a loner.
After the other bands were done playing and War of Ages came on, it felt so good to be back at one of their shows because they’re always a good time. I was standing right up by the stage and was so close I thought I was going to get hit in the head with a microphone or a guitar. For the last song, everyone was going crazy and I was pushed and fell onto the stage. Some nice people helped me up. They were great as they always are, I’ve lost count the number of times I’ve seen them. Falling on the stage ended up hurting my ankle a bit and it’s still sore.
After the show, the band was hanging out at the merch table talking to people. I worked up the courage to approach them and talk a little and asked for a picture (sorry about how awful I look, I was really sweaty and tired).
It was a great night.
Tags : Shows
I’m 35 today
September 8th, 2018 4:53 pm Today is my birthday. I spent most of it watching season 2 of Atypical on Netflix and doing laundry. I feel older physically because my health has not been great. I saw my primary care doctor yesterday, and I will have to go back to do a lung test because she thinks I may have asthma from all the years of smoking. I’ve told her I’ve tried everything to quit (Vaping, Chantix, Wellbutrin, patches, lozenges) and nothing’s working. She also said my depression needs to be managed better. I agree that it does, I have an appointment later this month for that. I’m in therapy weekly also and he acknowledges that I’ve had a really rough few years and that it would be hard to quit smoking when my mental health hasn’t been great. I also saw a nutritionist because my blood sugar was elevated. I know I need to change my diet but it’s hard to feel motivated with depression.
I know, not a good birthday post but it’s just like any other day to me.
Tags : Birthday, Depression, Doctor, Health
I just realized it’s been 2 months since I’ve last blogged
August 19th, 2018 9:32 pm During the past 2 months, I’ve had other health issues flare back up and my mental health isn’t too great either. I got hit with depression again so I haven’t cared to be active online and on social media.
A few months back my a/c unit died, then another old one was put in, then it started leaking from the vent and ceiling. A plumber was here from 5:30 PM to 11:30 PM cutting a hole in the ceiling, ripping out the old rusty unit and redoing the plumbing to put the new one in. I thought he was here way too late because I wanted to sleep. At least it’s much cooler in here than it was. Then someone had to come to repair the ceiling where the hole was, they also came late. Then another leak happened, this time it was from (presumably) the roof. I was told the roofing company has to come out and patch it. A puddle would form under my table on the floor every time it rained. I’ve been pretty frustrated with this apartment complex. Things don’t get done in a timely manner because of emergencies they’re dealing with. Many other people had to have their a/c replaced.
I’m hopefully almost done at the dentist. She kept telling me I need a night guard because I grind my teeth. It was really expensive and I really appreciated it, but I can’t stand it in my mouth. It’s so bulky. I have to go in for a cleaning on Tuesday. Hopefully, there won’t be any more work that has to be done.
Tags : Dentist, Depression, Health, Rant
Having the worst luck lately part 2
June 29th, 2018 2:43 am Update 7/3/18:
I had the root canal finished on the other tooth. I was in the dentist’s office for 4 hours. The injections of Novocaine hurt like hell, and then it wore off in the middle of the procedure. It was very painful and awful, but now it’s done. I just need to go back in a couple weeks to get the crown put on there. I’ve also been feeling pretty sick and may have a sinus infection.
Last week I bought a new laundry detergent, it was the same brand but just a different scent. This caused a severe allergic reaction. My whole body was covered in hives, my lips were swelling, and I was having trouble swallowing. I started on Prednisone and anti-histamines right away. It almost landed me in the hospital. I definitely will not use that detergent again and have switched to a perfume and dye free detergent.
Yesterday I had the permanent crown put on the tooth that needed a root canal, and had been complaining for a few weeks of pain on the other side in another tooth. Nothing was showing up on x-rays. A filling was done on that tooth but the pain never got better. They x-rayed again and found an abscessed tooth and the dentist started the root canal but didn’t have time to finish it. I go back on Monday to have it finished. That’s two abscessed teeth within a month. It’s been very painful, to say the least. The antibiotics I was prescribed didn’t help much. Once the root canal is finished and the crown is put on that should be the end of that. Because of these infections, I’ve been feeling sick and have had a small fever. The dentist said I may also have a sinus infection.
I also had to have ultrasounds done on my full abdomen and pelvic region because I’ve been experiencing pain. Those all came back normal. My anxiety makes my stomach flare up. I had bloodwork done too and was told I have pre-diabetes and need to make changes to my diet.
What a nightmare this has all been. :'(
Having the worst luck lately
May 21st, 2018 8:57 pm Update:
I went to the dentist again and needed a filling in another tooth. At least it wasn’t another infection. I go back again in the middle of June to have the crown put on the tooth that I had the root canal on.
I’ve been feeling sick for the past month or so and didn’t know why. I made several trips to the doctor for ear pain and gynecological issues. My ear was infected at one point so I was prescribed antibiotics and ear drops, and well as stuff for other infections. My ear looked better after the treatment but I was still in a lot of pain. I finally found out why last Monday. I had an abscessed tooth that was causing the ear pain and headaches, as well as chills and fever. The dentist tried to finish the root canal but couldn’t. I would have to see an endodontist. I went to the endodontist today and he found that my general dentist left a piece of an instrument inside one of the canals and it was hard to remove. They charged a lot for it. I wouldn’t think she’d leave a piece of an instrument in a canal on purpose. I have to go back to my general dentist for a crown and something might be wrong in another tooth. It’s always something. The problem is, I had horrible dental work done in my hometown that ruined my mouth. I don’t know why the problems under these old silver fillings aren’t being detected on x-rays.
There have also been things going on around here. First, the air conditioning unit died when it was hot, now there’s something wrong with the washing machine. Since the machines are still under warranty, the GE repair person came out and didn’t find anything. The washer has been making insanely loud noises. And of course, when he was here it wasn’t making the noises. So the next time I did laundry I recorded the machine so they can see what it’s actually doing. I’m not as worried about that as I am about the dental problems though.
Favorite childhood toy
May 4th, 2018 8:44 pm I was looking up some blog prompts to post about something different. I liked the favorite childhood toy idea. My grandmother gave me a Fisher-Price dinoroar. These came out in 1992 when I was 8 years old.
It roars when you press the stomach. The original one my grandmother gave me got ruined because I threw it in the washer and ruined the thing that made the roaring sound. It had to be thrown away. A few months ago, I found the exact same one on eBay and got it. They are pretty rare now so I was glad I was able to find the same one. The dinosaur has special meaning to me and brings back good memories. I also found the original TV commercial for these here on YouTube.
Tags : Misc
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