February 4th, 2015 
6:51 pmI haven’t been on the computer or blogged for quite awhile, sorry about that. I haven’t been doing too well (mentally). I saw my doctor last week, and he wasn’t much help, but he did increase one of my medications. Lately I feel like I just don’t care about anything and just want to stay in bed. January was a really bad month for me, I’m glad it’s gone. I get to pick up my anxiety medication tomorrow so hopefully that will make me feel a little better because I feel jittery and not like myself.
One good thing is that I’ve been socializing a bit more and my doctor was happy to hear that. I’m making some progress, but I’m doing it slowly. A lot of the time I don’t feel like being around people so this is a huge step. There was a party last week I went to that I couldn’t mentally handle and left. Sometimes too many people make me too anxious and I start to get sick. I figured it would be good for me to go, but it didn’t work out. I felt bad for leaving, but I had to. I’m trying and that’s what counts, right?
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I’m Erin, a 37 year old childfree woman with autism living in Pennsylvania. I enjoy blogging, movies, reading, journal writing, the paranormal, Android, The X-Files, Stranger Things Deadmau5, metal ducks & birds, Hello Kitty, and Pusheen.
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6 Comments
Hey Erin. Medications and GPs are good and all, but what are you doing to actually make your life better? I’m not meaning to make you feel bad by what I’m saying.
I’ve been diagnosed with various things myself (including Asperger’s, at one point), and often want to spend days in bed, doing nothing. But in the long term, this is not going to serve me. I have to ask myself what I want, and take steps in that direction. It could be as simple as wanting to feel better. And the thing that makes it all different is what thoughts I choose to focus on. I’m finding I get more done in my day, and that my relationships with other people have improved, simply because I changed the way I think about them.
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I told myself I wasn’t going to reply to this, but after seeing how it upset Erin (just as I thought it would, to be quite honest), I’m gonna throw my two pennies in here.
The first lines of your sentence are, inexcuseably, downright rude and ignorant. You should never, under any circumstances, say that to anyone who is having a hard time mentally with something that is beyond their control. That’s just as bad as the “Cheer up, it’s only depression” stigma. And quite honestly, I was actually offended on Erin’s behalf.
If you had been diagnosed with various things as you claim, then you would know that every human being’s mind is wired differently. It’s triggered differently, therefore we heal differently. What works for one person may not necessarily work for another. Treatments for depression come in all shapes and sizes. For some, therapy or yoga is the answer. And if it is, great! But some people aren’t as fortunate and to gain quality control back over their mental state, they have to take medication. That doesn’t make them any ‘less’ of a fighter. Some people can’t just ‘think positively’ or simply ‘get over it’. And for Erin to spill her thoughts here only for that sort of logic to be thrown in her face, I think is quite sad. I understand you probably didn’t mean for your comment to hurt Erin, but it did. So perhaps think about your choice of wording when offering advice or dealing with such topics in the future.
Erin, I can only say; just keep up the path you’re at, slow and steady. Don’t overpush yourself and handle each challenge at a time in bitesize chunks – every victory is a victory, no matter how small. And trust me when I say you WILL eventually be in a better place, mentally and emotionally. It could be weeks, it could be months, even years. But you WILL eventually get where you want to be, I promise you that.
“Slow and steady wins the race” – the hare and the tortoise, remember? 
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Thanks. People just don’t understand what I go through. I’m on disability because my conditions are so severe. My doctor was talking about doing an SMI evaluation on me (you can read more about it here. If I was able to function correctly maybe I could do something with my life, but my illnesses are too bad and I have a low level of functioning.
I myself am on anti-depressants and have been since I was around 23 and I am 27 now, so about 4 years now.
I was first diagnosed with depression at 12 years old after suffering severe panic and anxiety attacks which led to suicidal thoughts and feelings. I was given therapy at first and minor things to try and help ease my situation, but I held out on taking any sort of medication until I was in my twenties. Why? Because I felt ashamed and embarrassed, and probably due to the stigma that surrounds medication (as we saw earlier), that it is ‘the easy way out’.
I suffered and wasted so many years of my life because of that. The medication changed my life. It enabled the chemical imbalance in my brain to even out and I could function like a normal human being again. Everyone around me noticed and commented on the change (for the betetr!), I was able to get my life back on track and am now a happier person than I have ever been. Granted, I still get down days now and again. Everyone does and that’s only natural! But with my medication I may dip, but I never sink. I won’t need to be on medication forever, but even if I did there is no shame in that. I will not stop taking something which enables me to live a normal life just because it makes other people feel uncomfortable or they ‘don’t approve of it’. You did the right thing going to your doctor, and medication was obviously the best route for you as it was for me. Hence, I will never allow anyone to be made to feel bad about that!
If I could show you who I was I was a few years ago to who I am today, you would not even think they were the same person. Which is why I can’t stress enough to not give up hope; illnesses are something we live with, but they don’t define us as a whole. We learn to live alongside them instead of letting them rule us. And if *I* can do it, trust me, anybody can!
Kate recently posted: ‘Cyberbully’
Woah, sorry. I didn’t mean to come across like that at all.
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I’m sorry for being inconsiderate towards you Erin, and sorry if I hurt your feelings. I should have been more informed about your situation, and next time I hope to learn more before I say anything.
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