I wanted to get some stuff off my chest because I’m feeling upset for reasons I won’t get into here. My Asperger’s is really hard to live with. For some, it’s not that bad. There are very different levels of functioning and ability among those who are on the spectrum. For me, things tend to be more difficult.
I can’t really relate to people, understand them, or work out their intentions. Any friendship or relationship I’ve been in has led to arguing and fighting because of the things I say. I’m very open so I always say what I’m thinking. This usually tends to piss people off which is not my intention. It’s just very draining to be around people also. I also have difficulty when someone approaches me and tries to talk to me. I freeze up and stumble over my words.
I’m in an Asperger’s group on Facebook, and even those people I don’t relate to. They all seem proud to have it and wouldn’t change it. I on the other hand, wish there was a cure so I can be more “normal” and have good relationships with people. I like spending most of my time alone because it’s when I feel more myself. When I’m around people, it’s like I have to “pretend” to be like everybody else. I feel like my mom is the only person I can have a decent relationship with without any problems, probably because she’s been there for me my whole life.
Sometimes I feel like I’m better off alone so I don’t have people in my life who just don’t understand and end up treating me badly. I don’t trust many people because of this. I wish I could deal with people better, but it’s just not in me to be social. I’d rather e-mail or text someone to communicate rather than talk on the phone or in person. I even went to college online so I didn’t have to put myself through even more stress of being around people so much. I need what I call “no people time”. This is a time for me to be alone and do my own thing without others.
I guess people are just going to have to accept all of this or just not be my friend.
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I’m Erin, a 37 year old childfree woman with autism living in Pennsylvania. I enjoy blogging, movies, reading, journal writing, the paranormal, Android, The X-Files, Stranger Things Deadmau5, metal ducks & birds, Hello Kitty, and Pusheen.