I finally got ahold of my case manager, she said she would look into it, but said they usually don’t call to set something up until they have an intake appointment available. So I guess it’s just a waiting game now.
Insomnia is the worst. I’ve been awake for three days now. I really don’t know what’s causing it. The doctor increased my medications and said they should help me sleep, but they don’t. Maybe they’re having the opposite effect and are keeping me awake. I just wish I could sleep normally. I feel so tired and worn out during the day from not sleeping. Those over the counter sleep aids don’t help either. I see the doctor again later this month, I’ll ask if the medications could be keeping me awake. I always tell him I can’t sleep and he never really has an answer for it.
I’m also frustrated because I haven’t been able to get ahold of my case manager for a week regarding my referral for therapy at a different clinic. I really need to get started with therapy again, but nobody will call me back. I may have to call the supervisor. It doesn’t matter what case manager I get, they always are too hard to get ahold of and don’t call back.
Today I met with the new therapist who was taking my old therapist’s place. I was only in there for a few minutes and she really upset me, so I walked out. I started talking about what was bothering me, and she ended up just making me feel much worse. It was about something personal, so I won’t write it here. I wasn’t comfortable in her office anyway because it is 90 degrees outside with some humidity and she had a heater on. It just isn’t going to work out, so whenever I can get ahold of my case manager, I’ll have to be referred elsewhere because that’s the only therapist they have. My case manager actually forgot to set up the transportation to this appointment, and another case manager had to pick me up to get me there. Maybe that was a sign I shouldn’t have gone, lol. I don’t click with every therapist I’ve had, so this has happened before. My depression has been difficult this past week, and going in there to be upset really didn’t help anything. She seemed to really lack understanding and wanted to be judgmental when she didn’t even know me. It’s funny though that when I met her for the first time but with my old therapist, she wasn’t like that. I at least made sure transportation was set up for my doctor appointment next Tuesday.
I’m also hesitant to be referred elsewhere because the same thing could happen. I don’t know, maybe I just need time to process that my old therapist is gone and I’ll never see her again. There was only one other time I’ve walked out on a therapist like that, and that was when I was in my early 20’s. That one didn’t believe I had any illnesses and said that to my face, even though the doctor said otherwise. The whole thing just really upset me.
I found out on Friday that my therapist is leaving. She waited until the end of our session to tell me. She explained that she weighed the pros and cons of a new job and decided to take it. I’m a bit sad by it, but therapists seem to come and go. On Thursday, I go back in to meet the new therapist who is taking over. I’ve always had a hard time finding one I connect with. If the new one doesn’t work out, I’ll have to wait for another one to become available, or I’ll be referred somewhere else. The thing I don’t like about switching therapists is I have to tell my whole story to the new one, and once I get comfortable with her, she’ll probably leave.
As for switching hosts, I’ll be doing that next week, so the site may be down for a bit. They’re just having too many problems and I will be cancelling with the old host. This will be happening on either Tuesday or Wednesday.