I met with my new therapist today, he seems nice. Hopefully, he will be better than the last one. The last one kept making inappropriate comments that made me feel uneasy and I had to stop going. What’s even better is that he comes to my apartment instead of me having to run to an office. Today was just going over goals and updating my service plan. He said he wants to meet with me once a week which is great. The other places I have gone were only able to offer me a half hour of therapy once a month because of their caseload. I also have someone else helping me find another apartment. We found a couple of places to go look at. I’ve looked up a lot of places online and she has too. The reviews are pretty bad but I guess I’ll have to go see for myself.
AOL announced that they would be discontinuing AIM. I remember using AIM to keep in contact with classmates, friends, people from other countries. I would use song lyrics for away messages and tried to have the coolest buddy icon and profile. I had AOL dial-up before that and so did everyone else at school. There weren’t any social media at that time so everyone tried to have the coolest screen name and profile with different colors and styles. The chat rooms were entertaining too. I would get instant messages from guys asking ASL or if I wanted to cyber. Those were the days.
This allergic reaction is still going on, despite stopping a certain medication that may have been the cause. It may take awhile for it to leave my system. The doctor prescribed another round of steroids. She keeps saying it’s something I’m eating or using. I’ve only ever had allergic reactions to medications, nothing else. I know exactly what I’m eating and using and was eating and using these things with no problems a month ago but she won’t listen to me. She’s going to have to refer me to someone who can help me with finding the cause if it isn’t that medication. I need to allow some more time to see if it clears up and stay off that medication permanently. It’s just really frustrating because being red and itchy is not fun.
As far as therapy goes, I’ve decided not to do it at this time. I was really put off by the last therapist’s behavior, and I can’t seem to find another one I connect with. Honestly, I’ve only had 2 good therapists. The only reason why I’m not seeing them anymore is because they left to take a job elsewhere. I also want to cut back on appointments since the transportation services are a nightmare half the time. Last week I had a doctor appointment and was left stuck outside after they closed waiting for someone to show up for an hour and a half. When I complain, all I get is a half-assed apology. If only I had the money to reinstate my license and get a car.
Update: A new therapist called and he seemed kind of rude. I get really flustered on the phone because of anxiety and agreed to an appointment I didn’t really want. I called this morning to cancel. I’m just not having much luck with therapists and am getting too frustrated at this point, so I don’t really want therapy right now.
I saw my psychiatrist on Tuesday, he took me off one medication because it wasn’t helping and prescribed something to help me sleep. It worked for one night so far. I miss the nights years ago when I could sleep normally. I think it’s related to my mental health and I have been going to therapy. I will have to switch to a different therapist because he kept bringing up sexual things and asking questions that I didn’t think were appropriate. I told him to stop making these comments and he made it seem like it was my fault because “everyone else talks about it”. I’m not really concerned with what “everyone else” is talking about, I’m not “everyone else”. It’s one thing if I brought it up, but I didn’t. It seemed like he was trying to make me feel bad about it. I asked a couple of people what they thought, and they thought he was out of line. He didn’t seem to like that I didn’t think his comments were appropriate and I want to see someone else. Oh well, I have every right to switch if I’m not comfortable.
Yesterday the regular doctor said the allergic reaction appears to be gone now but it could come back. She told me to pay attention to what I’m using (I haven’t changed anything). My skin has been really dry and it usually isn’t. I’ll have to wait and see what happens and go from there.
Anyway, I got a Snapchat finally. I know I’m really behind but it took me some time to get the hang of it. My Snapcode is on the sidebar.
I finally got ahold of my case manager, she said she would look into it, but said they usually don’t call to set something up until they have an intake appointment available. So I guess it’s just a waiting game now.
Insomnia is the worst. I’ve been awake for three days now. I really don’t know what’s causing it. The doctor increased my medications and said they should help me sleep, but they don’t. Maybe they’re having the opposite effect and are keeping me awake. I just wish I could sleep normally. I feel so tired and worn out during the day from not sleeping. Those over the counter sleep aids don’t help either. I see the doctor again later this month, I’ll ask if the medications could be keeping me awake. I always tell him I can’t sleep and he never really has an answer for it.
I’m also frustrated because I haven’t been able to get ahold of my case manager for a week regarding my referral for therapy at a different clinic. I really need to get started with therapy again, but nobody will call me back. I may have to call the supervisor. It doesn’t matter what case manager I get, they always are too hard to get ahold of and don’t call back.
Today I met with the new therapist who was taking my old therapist’s place. I was only in there for a few minutes and she really upset me, so I walked out. I started talking about what was bothering me, and she ended up just making me feel much worse. It was about something personal, so I won’t write it here. I wasn’t comfortable in her office anyway because it is 90 degrees outside with some humidity and she had a heater on. It just isn’t going to work out, so whenever I can get ahold of my case manager, I’ll have to be referred elsewhere because that’s the only therapist they have. My case manager actually forgot to set up the transportation to this appointment, and another case manager had to pick me up to get me there. Maybe that was a sign I shouldn’t have gone, lol. I don’t click with every therapist I’ve had, so this has happened before. My depression has been difficult this past week, and going in there to be upset really didn’t help anything. She seemed to really lack understanding and wanted to be judgmental when she didn’t even know me. It’s funny though that when I met her for the first time but with my old therapist, she wasn’t like that. I at least made sure transportation was set up for my doctor appointment next Tuesday.
I’m also hesitant to be referred elsewhere because the same thing could happen. I don’t know, maybe I just need time to process that my old therapist is gone and I’ll never see her again. There was only one other time I’ve walked out on a therapist like that, and that was when I was in my early 20’s. That one didn’t believe I had any illnesses and said that to my face, even though the doctor said otherwise. The whole thing just really upset me.
I found out on Friday that my therapist is leaving. She waited until the end of our session to tell me. She explained that she weighed the pros and cons of a new job and decided to take it. I’m a bit sad by it, but therapists seem to come and go. On Thursday, I go back in to meet the new therapist who is taking over. I’ve always had a hard time finding one I connect with. If the new one doesn’t work out, I’ll have to wait for another one to become available, or I’ll be referred somewhere else. The thing I don’t like about switching therapists is I have to tell my whole story to the new one, and once I get comfortable with her, she’ll probably leave.
As for switching hosts, I’ll be doing that next week, so the site may be down for a bit. They’re just having too many problems and I will be cancelling with the old host. This will be happening on either Tuesday or Wednesday.