It’s been a long time since I’ve been to a show. The reason why I haven’t been going is that I lost my car and license due to my arrest in 2015. It’s much harder to get around these days and Lyft/Uber can get expensive. A lot of bands play at a venue that is about half an hour away from me, but this place was closer. It’s a new bar/music venue. When I went in, my anxiety was kicking into overdrive so much that I was really shaky. I was checking out the shirts at the merch table and wanted to buy one. I talked to Leroy (the vocalist) briefly and was surprised he remembered me because this band is from my hometown. After that, I ordered a couple of drinks to calm my anxiety a bit. I was sitting at a table by the bar alone and it felt kind of awkward. Some people talked to me but not a lot. I’ve always been somewhat of a loner.
After the other bands were done playing and War of Ages came on, it felt so good to be back at one of their shows because they’re always a good time. I was standing right up by the stage and was so close I thought I was going to get hit in the head with a microphone or a guitar. For the last song, everyone was going crazy and I was pushed and fell onto the stage. Some nice people helped me up. They were great as they always are, I’ve lost count the number of times I’ve seen them. Falling on the stage ended up hurting my ankle a bit and it’s still sore.
After the show, the band was hanging out at the merch table talking to people. I worked up the courage to approach them and talk a little and asked for a picture (sorry about how awful I look, I was really sweaty and tired).
It was a great night.
I’m finally feeling better, so that’s good. I’m going to be seeing Whitechapel on Thursday so I’m looking forward to that. I need to go out and have some fun and not stress about everything going on in my life.
I removed the member registration thing, it wasn’t sending out registration e-mails and people wouldn’t use it anyway.
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I got to the venue and there was absolutely no parking. I had to turn around and go home. The whole place was so confusing I couldn’t find anything, so many buildings. A venue like that should have a parking garage, not a few little lots. I’m so disappointed, I really wanted to see him. Plus I’m now out $46 for the ticket which is non-refundable. I got there early and everything. Really big bummer. :-< Maybe next time he comes he'll come to a different venue? Kind of doubtful though.
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Edit: It looks like some storms are coming through, hope it doesn’t affect me being able to go.
Thursday night I will be seeing Skrillex (another electronic music producer).
I’m so unbelievably anxious about this. I guess it’s because it’s a venue I’ve never been to, because places I’ve never been make me completely anxious. When I get to a venue and am inside I start to feel better, but the fear of what will or will not happen before it comes to that point is what sets my anxiety into overdrive. Especially parking lots, god those make me anxious for some reason. My anxiety disorder is so bad that I will get sick before having to go somewhere. I’m currently on Xanax, but that doesn’t seem to be strong enough to ease the anxiety enough. My doctor also put me on something else for anxiety, but it doesn’t help much either. My brain constantly goes through this “what if?” cycle and I can’t calm down. I keep trying to tell myself that everything will be alright but it doesn’t always help. Ever since I was a kid, my brain always used this type of thinking, to worry about something bad always happening. I need to try to focus on the present rather than the future all the time. My illnesses get in the way of me getting out much, all I really go out and do is get groceries or go to the pharmacy. I need to get out more and step out of my comfort zone a little bit. I really miss my therapist (he left to take another job elsewhere), he wasn’t much help because he tried everything with me, but I actually find this blog more therapeutic.
Hopefully the rain holds off for that night, because it’s an outdoor venue and I can’t see them having all that electronic equipment working in the rain. We’ve been getting a lot of monsoons, more than usual. I’m just going to try to relax for now as hard as that may be.
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He was amazing last night, had the whole venue going crazy. I didn’t get any pictures or video because there were too many people and I’m short. This guy came up to me and asked what I do for a living, and tried to explain my situation and he didn’t understand. I hate being asked that because I’m disabled, and when they ask how, I hate explaining that too. My friends who are older and wiser than me say if a guy asked you that first when you just meet, he’s just looking for someone with money. I’m not good at talking to people, so I probably shouldn’t have told him my situation because honestly it was none of his business. I had fun anyway. And to think I was not going to go, I would have missed an awesome show.
On a completely unrelated note, I’m making pasta salad (from a box, because my homemade pasta salad is expensive and time consuming).
This isn’t too expensive and isn’t bad. I’d recommend giving it a try.
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I had been going through a really extensive disability review, they sent me a bunch of forms as well as my mom. They kept calling too. They were having a problem getting my medical records and I was really worried, but they finally said they got my records and that there’s plenty of evidence that I’m still disabled. So I’m really happy about that (not happy about being disabled, but you know what I mean). I was so scared there for awhile. Now I can rest easy knowing I have little to stress about (except my upcoming dental appointment, who knows how much that will cost).
I also went to see War of Ages (band from my hometown) and they recognized me and hugged me, I thought that was so awesome! Love those guys.
Things are going well with the girlfriend and I feel happier than I have in a long time.
This weekend I went to two concerts, Every Time I Die and Impending Doom. I didn’t care for the venue Every Time I Die was at, but I still enjoyed it despite barely being able to see the stage. I loved Impending Doom, and even got to meet Brook! That was a good experience. I’ve been wanting to meet him but was too shy to approach him, but last night I’m glad I did, he was really nice.
Wow, I had over 500 users who registered to go through and almost all of them were spam. If you got deleted and weren’t a spammer, re-register (I think that’s fixed now) and fill in some information on your profile so I know you aren’t a spammer.
Anyway, things haven’t been going very well for me lately. As I may have mentioned before, I suffer from major depressive disorder. My doctor prescribed me some Wellbutrin and that didn’t work out at all. It made me so sick. I haven’t been motivated to do anything with this site let alone blog. He’s switching me to a new medication called Luvox, but I don’t think I’ll be able to start it until Monday. I’m really hoping it will help because I hate feeling so lousy. I’m also hoping my insurance will cover it or I’ll need something else. I’m not a big fan of my doctor (they keep changing them around on me) he’s just really…out there. I think our personalities clash. I’m still going to therapy every two weeks and that helps a little bit, I get along with my therapist really well.
On Monday night I’m seeing Norma Jean, then the following week The Devil Wears Prada. In December I have Every Time I Die and Impending Doom. I really wish I went to see Nine Inch Nails last weekend but tickets were too expensive. The shows I go to cost around $20 for a ticket. I wouldn’t pay $100 for a ticket, that just seems like way too much to me. My doctor says he’s happy I’m going to these because it’s good I’m at least trying to get out of the house.
I also did something I thought I’d never do, get an iPhone. I had always had Android since it first came out, and to be honest, I miss it. The iPhone is okay just not as great as people make it out to be.
I’ve been really sick lately, I’m not sure if it’s a really bad cold or the flu. Either way I hope I feel better soon. I went and saw Every Time I Die on the 18th, it was a good show. When the first band was playing someone already got arrested, not sure what for. I actually enjoy going to shows alone, the last one I went to I barely remembered because I was so focused on the person I was there with. All in all it was fun.
I have been feeling blah lately, I think it’s because of a new medication the doctor gave me. I’ve been on it for only a week so I want to give it more of a chance. If I’m still feeling blah next week, I’m calling the doctor. I’m also worried about losing some of my medical coverage because I’m a student. They requested that I send in what I get for financial aid and cost of tuition. I’m waiting to hear back from them. I’ll be upset if I lose some medical coverage because I get grants to help pay for school (that are all used for classes and books). If I do lose it, I still have a backup but I will have to find new doctors and the costs will go up a lot.
The other night I went to see Impending Doom because I won’t be going to the Metal Alliance Tour or Warped Tour. It was fun and not very crowded which was good. I saw the lineup for the Mayhem Festival, it has a few of my favorite bands but I can’t go. Outdoor festivals in 115 degree heat are just not for me. I will wait for smaller tours at indoor venues. I remember in 2010 I went to Warped Tour, I basically spent $35 to hang out in the bathroom to get out of the sun and splash cold water on my face. I had to leave after 2 hours because I got sick from the heat. It’s just not worth it. Summers here are absolutely brutal. #:-S