I need to vent

I use this blog sometimes as kind of therapy because it helps me to write things down that are bothering me. First of all, I’m worried about the rent increase because I don’t want to move and can’t find anything cheaper with square footage being similar to this place. Very few have all utilities included like this place. Second, my mental and physical health has been poor, the doctor keeps saying “we’ll get you feeling better soon” every time he sees me. I’ve been having problems since I was 3 so it’s unlikely my mental health will improve. Then there are bills I can’t pay and I have to worry about collection agencies and potential lawsuits. I’m also still in love with my ex which is really hard. This has not been a good year for me, it seems everything is going downhill and getting worse. I’ve just been trying to take it day by day, but my OCD thinking gets the best of me.

I’m going to keep praying that things will get better. [-O< [custom_field field=”mood” post_id=”2003″ limit=”0″ before=”Mood: ” after=”” between=”, ” /]
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So much for seeing Skrillex

I got to the venue and there was absolutely no parking. I had to turn around and go home. The whole place was so confusing I couldn’t find anything, so many buildings. A venue like that should have a parking garage, not a few little lots. I’m so disappointed, I really wanted to see him. Plus I’m now out $46 for the ticket which is non-refundable. I got there early and everything. Really big bummer. :-< Maybe next time he comes he'll come to a different venue? Kind of doubtful though. [custom_field field=”mood” post_id=”1963″ limit=”0″ before=”Mood: ” after=”” between=”, ” /]
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I talked to my friend (briefly)

I want to expand a little bit on this post. I talked to my friend a little bit and she said our friendship has indeed changed. She claims that I always don’t feel well or am having trouble with my mental illnesses (which is true, I guess). It almost feels like she doesn’t want to be around me because I’m mentally ill. Sorry, I’ve been that way since I was a kid, there’s nothing I can do about it, I’m in treatment, I’m doing the best I can. Seems like people are more understanding of a physical disability rather than a mental one. :-< One good thing is I got out of jury duty because of my illnesses with a doctor's note. This is the second time I've been summoned. I'm going to be going through a legal battle (that's all I will disclose here) and the stress of that has not made things any easier on me. I have asked her to watch a movie but she's always busy with her boyfriend so it never seems to be a good time. I don't know, I wish she was a bit more understanding and less into her new friend. I'm always feeling left out when I sit outside with them and it's not a good feeling. I wish that other lady would just (excuse my language) fuck off so things could go back to the way they were, but that's not going to happen. Her and her boyfriend have been going back and forth talking about moving, a part of me wishes they would. [custom_field field=”mood” post_id=”1921″ limit=”0″ before=”Mood: ” after=”” between=”, ” /]
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I just don’t know

Lately I’ve been feeling like the new neighbor lady has ruined mine and my friend’s friendship. I noticed my friend will talk more and pay more attention to her than me, even though we’ve been friends for over a year and the new lady has only been here a few months. I don’t really like her, she seems to know everything about everyone around here for only living here for a few months. She knows things like who is late on their rent, who is renewing or not renewing their lease, etc. She acts like she owns the place. I’ve been here 3 years and I don’t act like that. She’s one of those. Both my friend and I have been warned about her. I know that if I say anything about my friend to her she’ll run and tell her everything I said, even things I didn’t say. It’s like she wants to get my friend and I to fight on purpose. I wish she never moved in, honestly. She sometimes acts like she’s my mother and can tell me what to do because she’s older.

Apartment living I guess, sometimes you get wackos who move in.

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Higher rent

I learned yesterday that my apartment complex would be raising rent by $100. Good thing I have until May or June when my lease runs out so I don’t have to pay it until then. The reason for this increase? The owner wants more money to buy more properties. They got rid of discounts, and the night monitor to cut costs. I wish he would think of the residents rather than just himself. These places are old, run down, and tiny. They are not worth what they’re asking for at all. I have looked around and there’s nothing cheaper with utilities included (they’re all included here). It’s too expensive to pay utilities when the air conditioning pretty much has to run most of the year because it’s so hot. I’m just not happy about this because I really can’t afford it, but I need a place to live.

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Feeling a little better

I’m feeling a little better physically, but am not 100% yet. I went to my psychiatrist yesterday morning and was prescribed a new anti-depressant that also helps insomnia. So far it’s been making me really tired. I’m hoping it’ll make me feel better mood-wise because I’ve been feeling really low. I’m seeing Porter Robinson on the 10th so that will cheer me up. For those who don’t know who he is, he’s an electronic music producer.

I wish I knew what to do about the awful noise from my upstairs neighbors. They make very loud banging noises throughout the night and keep me awake. I’ve complained before and they’re still being noisy. It literally sounds like they’re going to come through my ceiling. They do seem mostly quiet tonight so far, maybe because yesterday was a holiday they were noisy because of that. I don’t know, it seems this place has really gotten noisy the past year. I do wish I asked for an upstairs apartment before I moved in here. I guess that’s just apartment living and I have to live with it. It’s strange though, other apartments I lived in there was no noise above me, I couldn’t hear anyone else. I’ve thought about moving, but there’s nothing as affordable as it is here. I don’t have to pay utilities.

My friends and I are also having problems with a neighbor, she’s being (for lack of a better word), a bitch. She complains about us sitting outside smoking and has reported us to the office. The office says we are allowed to sit out there as long as we aren’t being too noisy. It’s like she’s been finding any little thing to complain about to try to get us into trouble. We never say anything when she lets her kids run around here screaming their heads off. It’s not the smoking she’s complaining about (she smokes herself), it’s the YouTube videos we watch, they’re apparently “too loud”. In all honesty they aren’t, and it’s not like we are out there late at night, this is during the day or early evening. I don’t know what her problem is, but this is just a recent thing she’s been doing. She needs to mind her own business.

Well, that’s it for now, I’m going back to sleep. :-h

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It’s too hot for this

I live in a really old apartment complex without central air, but chillers. The chillers have been going down all evening and it’s been really hot in my apartment. It was fixed for a short period of time until the electricity went out and it shut down again. Nobody has been by to fix it again. I think they need to hire professionals to come look at it. It’s been getting up to 112 during the day and that’s too hot to be without air conditioning. This place has really gone downhill.

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Stressed out

I’m so stressed out about these roach infestation problems because of my neighbors (as previously mentioned in an earlier entry). I went back down to the office today because I saw another one and had a talk with one of the staff. She said they will be coming back on Monday to do a more thorough extermination which means a lot of work for me. I have to remove everything from the kitchen including everything in the cupboards, closet, and move my furniture. After this is done, I have to stay out of my apartment for 3 hours. The lady in the office reserved the clubhouse (a place where residents can reserve for parties or whatever that has cable, a kitchen, and all that good stuff) so I can stay there during that time. It’s going to be so much work getting all my stuff (which is a lot) and moving it all out, but I want to get rid of these pesky things. They’re also going to do this to the upstairs apartment which is where they’re coming from. I’m just completely frustrated and disgusted about all of this. #-o

On top of all that, the police, fire trucks, and ambulance were here today because apparently a couple was fighting and the guy lit the apartment on fire and the woman jumped off a two story balcony breaking her ankle severely. Things are really going down the toilet here, it’s making me regret renewing my lease last month.

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Back on an anti-depressant

Since my insurance won’t cover what the doctor prescribed me, I’m back on Prozac. This whole mess with my ex has made me really depressed. I decided I can’t be friends with her even though I tried. My mental health is more important and she’s going to have to understand that. I need to move on with my life, how am I going to do that with her around me all the time? I know I keep going on and on about this but it’s really messing me up.

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I don’t know what to think of this

I got a message on Facebook tonight from my ex boyfriend apologizing for everything after we haven’t spoken for a year. I don’t know why he would wait a whole year to do that. He said in his message that sending a friend request wouldn’t be a good idea so I ended up blocking him because I think it’s best we don’t talk anymore. A part of me still isn’t over him and talking to him would make things worse.

He was never understanding of my mental illnesses and things I couldn’t help and got really angry at me and told me to never contact him again, but here he is contacting me. I need a guy (or girl, I just came out as bisexual :-h) who is patient and understanding and won’t judge me for my illnesses. We had other issues too, the main one being communication and other things. I just wanted to move on but he had to stir up old feelings for me. :-(

Not too happy

I had a doctor appointment today, so I get there to find out that her practice closed. So I went home and gave them a call and they told me they moved and gave me the new address. Shouldn’t they have done that when I made the appointment? I had to reschedule the appointment because it was too late. Now I can’t get in til the 27th. Then they tell me that they were now in the next building over, I wish I would have known that but there was no way for me to know since I wasn’t told. I’m just annoyed that I drove all the way there for nothing.

I hope I can find the place and make it to the appointment, I’m really needing a new prescription.

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I should have seen this coming

I met a guy online and thought we hit it off, and set up to meet next weekend. Today I get a text message from him bailing on me. I feel kind of mad for being led on for so long, he said we can be just friends (they always say that) but I was hoping it would lead to more. I deserve better. I’ve never had any good luck with guys. I hope someday I can find a guy who won’t bail on me and be honest with me.

This is driving me nuts

It’s been really hot lately, around 90 degrees. They decided at the last minute to replace air conditioning units at my apartment complex. They’ve been doing construction work for about a month (which is annoying itself too) and according to the manager, the air conditioning won’t be on until a week from tomorrow. I’m so tired of this hot apartment I could scream. I have several fans going but it doesn’t help much. I did renew my lease but am wondering if I should have or not, there always seems to be something going wrong around here. It’s too hot to not have air conditioning, I have no clue what they were thinking waiting until the last minute to do all this.

Some of the staff live here themselves so it’s nice to know that they have to suffer too. :))

Another eBay nightmare

I’m reluctant to sell anything on there again. I sent a brand new with tags book/Bible cover to the buyer. She claimed it had ink stains all over it which wasn’t true. It certainly wasn’t like that when I shipped it. She also sent me a picture of said stains and it doesn’t even look like the item I sent her. So she opened a case against me because she didn’t like my policy of buyer paying return shipping. I’m in the middle of writing and essay and couldn’t deal with this woman anymore so I just refunded her. Then she left me a negative stating I didn’t refund her shipping costs which I did. All this drama over a $6 item.

Am I really being that unreasonable?

Lately any guy I meet online is always pushy to meet right away, and aren’t understanding of me needing time to get to know them better first. I also have an anxiety/panic disorder which may have something to do with it. In my opinion, talking to someone for only a few weeks and them wanting to meet is a bit soon. I’ve heard so many stories of women being hurt or killed from meeting guys online. I’m just trying to be safe and I want to feel comfortable. Insulting me will make me not even want to meet also. Telling me they are a “nice guy” doesn’t mean anything either. Is this really that unreasonable, or are they just upset that I’m not giving into their demands? I think it’s the latter.

Selling on eBay can be annoying sometimes

I’ve been selling stuff off and on for years now, and recently I got a huge PITA buyer. I was selling my old phone, and the person who bought it didn’t really read the auction very well or not at all because she kept messaging me with all these questions. She was telling me she couldn’t activate the phone so I gave her suggestions. She finally admitted to me that she bought the phone for a carrier the phone wasn’t intended for. I don’t know much about unlocking phones since I buy directly from my wireless carrier (Verizon). She just kept messaging me about it even though I gave her all the information I could and was wondering why she even bothered to buy it. She kept telling me she couldn’t use it because she couldn’t get it activated, so I told her to send it back for a refund. So here I am waiting around for the phone to arrive and it never does. She e-mails me a week or two later to say she was sick and then decided she wants to keep the phone. I hope she doesn’t message me again, because I’m honestly getting tired of her, lol. It wouldn’t surprise me if she comes back with a message wanting to return it again. I ended up adding her to my blocked bidder list because I don’t want her buying from me again.

I wish she would have asked her questions in one e-mail prior to bidding on the phone so my inbox wouldn’t be full of messages. I just didn’t know what she expected me to do other than offer a refund upon return of the item because there was nothing wrong with the phone and it was all user error.