I’ve never been good with people because of my autism, and I really don’t like when people put me on the spot or expect me to do things I’m not comfortable doing. There’s this young couple who lives 2 doors down from me and the guy’s mother is staying with them, and the father occasionally comes by and apparently, the son doesn’t want him to. Sometimes when I start to come outside for a cigarette, the father is sitting in my chair (which isn’t a big deal, but he can’t seem to leave me alone). He keeps asking me to do things that I’m not comfortable doing (knocking on his son and girlfriend’s door). I don’t know them and they don’t know me. The son tends to ignore the father’s efforts to contact him because I guess they don’t get along. The father keeps thanking me for doing these things when I don’t do them, I just say yeah ok when I really should say no. I just feel bad because it’s a sad situation all around. I just don’t want to get involved because it’s not my place to act as a mediator between father and son. I’m just going to have to say no and hope he doesn’t get too upset. I’m really not good with people and forced interaction. I just like to keep to myself honestly.
Update: A new therapist called and he seemed kind of rude. I get really flustered on the phone because of anxiety and agreed to an appointment I didn’t really want. I called this morning to cancel. I’m just not having much luck with therapists and am getting too frustrated at this point, so I don’t really want therapy right now.
I saw my psychiatrist on Tuesday, he took me off one medication because it wasn’t helping and prescribed something to help me sleep. It worked for one night so far. I miss the nights years ago when I could sleep normally. I think it’s related to my mental health and I have been going to therapy. I will have to switch to a different therapist because he kept bringing up sexual things and asking questions that I didn’t think were appropriate. I told him to stop making these comments and he made it seem like it was my fault because “everyone else talks about it”. I’m not really concerned with what “everyone else” is talking about, I’m not “everyone else”. It’s one thing if I brought it up, but I didn’t. It seemed like he was trying to make me feel bad about it. I asked a couple of people what they thought, and they thought he was out of line. He didn’t seem to like that I didn’t think his comments were appropriate and I want to see someone else. Oh well, I have every right to switch if I’m not comfortable.
Yesterday the regular doctor said the allergic reaction appears to be gone now but it could come back. She told me to pay attention to what I’m using (I haven’t changed anything). My skin has been really dry and it usually isn’t. I’ll have to wait and see what happens and go from there.
Anyway, I got a Snapchat finally. I know I’m really behind but it took me some time to get the hang of it. My Snapcode is on the sidebar.
I know I just blogged, but something happened that was really bothersome to me. Someone stole the patio chair outside my apartment last night and threw it in the dumpster. It’s not so much about the chair, but the fact that someone was taking something outside my apartment late at night while I was asleep. When I woke up this morning, I started to head out to take out the trash and noticed the chair was gone. As I was taking out the trash, I looked in the empty dumpster out of curiosity and there it was. I sent an email to the office about it, and they offered to have maintenance get the chair back for me which was really nice. I had to leave for an appointment and the chair was back in its place when I got home. I have a pretty good idea who did it, but without proof, neither I nor the office can do anything. The guy next door absolutely hates smokers, so it wouldn’t surprise me if it was him. What he doesn’t realize is, I’ve been under a lot of stress and was smoking/vaping a bit more than usual. He would stand in his doorway and stare at me which made me uncomfortable. I keep trying to quit so I don’t have to deal with stuff like this, but it’s just so difficult especially with what’s been going on. I think he waited until I went to bed (it was late) to do it to minimize the risk of him being seen. He could have just discussed it with me instead of doing that. I will be bringing in the chair as well as the doormat (just in case) before I go to bed so there’s nothing out there for him to mess with.
I’m just afraid that this will escalate, but if it does, I’ll have to contact the police.
Pest control came Thursday and everything was ok. I didn’t need a follow-up treatment and was told I could put everything back. I spent the weekend moving the furniture back, putting all the other stuff back, cleaning, and doing laundry. That was such a pain having to move everything out of closets and cupboards then moving it all back.
I see a new doctor next week, I have a list of concerns about my back, stomach, my now swollen foot, and a few other things. I don’t know why my foot is swollen when I haven’t done anything to it. It’s all a bit worrying. I’m sure a lot of these problems may be related to all the weight gain from medications. I really need to get more exercise, but unfortunately, the gym here is under construction. It’s also been really hot here and is supposed to go up to 90+ degree temperatures. The apartment complex manager still hasn’t turned on the air conditioning (this place has an old system where you can only either have heat or air conditioning, not both). They said that the temperatures were too low at night (they aren’t) and it’s going to take awhile to get the chiller systems up and running. It’s not supposed to be on until the 20th. My apartment gets so hot during the day that it’s almost unbearable. I have several fans going and it doesn’t help much. I really don’t understand why they think it’s too cold at night. If people are cold, can’t they just put on a sweater? I may have to complain to the city because 94 degrees is too hot to be without air conditioning.
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I saw the doctor yesterday, and I felt like I wasted most of my day. It took awhile for me to be seen. I told her about the pain in my ear, stomach, and back. She looked in my ear and said there’s really nothing wrong and it’s probably a dental issue. She dismissed my back and stomach pain. I made an appointment with the dentist, I’m worried because I don’t have insurance and will need help from family for the costs. It’s like the dentist’s office didn’t believe me either. I guess because I have mental illnesses, people don’t take me seriously. My doctor prescribed me an anti-nausea medication which isn’t really helping. I feel like crap. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow that I really don’t want to cancel because I’ve been waiting for over a month to see him. My psychiatrist said I should have my back x-rayed, but my regular doctor doesn’t seem concerned at all with it. The next time I see him I’ll have to tell him that. I may have to start looking for a new doctor, but I’m afraid the same thing will happen (them not believing me about the pain). At least at the dentist, if they find something it’ll get taken care of.
I had a horrible stomach virus at the beginning of November, now I’m having stomach issues again (but not nearly as bad as before) and either ear or tooth pain. I’m not even due to go to the dentist yet, I first want to see if it’s my ear because many times before when I had pain and went to the dentist, it wasn’t my teeth and ended up being an ear infection. I go to the doctor on Tuesday, I called this past Tuesday so that will be a week. It usually doesn’t take that long to get in, but a lot of people are sick right now because of the weather change.
I was feeling ok enough to go get a haircut today. I wasn’t at all happy with the salon I went to. Apparently, it was one of those quick salons but I didn’t know that. There is only one guy there and he was kind of rude. I was shaking with anxiety because he made me uncomfortable. I brought in a picture of how I wanted it cut and he didn’t take more than 10 minutes and said he was done. I just wanted to get out of there so I just said I liked it so I could pay and leave. I definitely won’t be going back there. If he wasn’t so intimidating I would have had him do more. I was the only person in there and their Facebook page didn’t have many likes, and then I knew why. I will have to go back to the salon I went to before even though it’s more expensive. I’m feeling like crap again now probably because of the anxiety attack I had earlier.
Update 11/16/16: The seller seems upset that I left negative feedback and basically wants positive feedback. They said they refunded me, but I’m not sure since the balance on my card was a bit higher than it was but says nothing in my transaction history. I don’t think they deserve positive feedback, I wanted to warn others and for them to learn not to package things so horribly.
I had a horrible experience ordering from a particular website. I won’t link to it, but it wasn’t eBay. Weeks ago, I ordered a laptop skin. The price was great so I wanted to get it. Big mistake.
I don’t understand why the seller would even roll it up like that, I can’t even use it because of how wrinkled it is. I opened a dispute, I may not get a full refund because I’m not paying to ship it back. It would cost more to ship back than what I originally paid. Now I know why they were selling it for that cheap. I sent this picture along with the dispute. I’ll have to wait and see what happens. I definitely will not order from that site again.
I had an intake appointment at a new place today so I can start therapy there. The appointment was at 1:45 but the lady I had the appointment with didn’t take me back until 2. She had to ask a ton of questions and update my treatment plan. It went okay, and I even got to meet the therapist briefly. He seemed really nice and nothing like that horrible one I saw last month that made me have to go somewhere else. After that, I called the cab company for a ride home. This place is a lot farther out than the one I usually go to. They said a cab should be here between 10 minutes to an hour. By this time, it started getting really dark outside because a storm was coming. I waited for an hour and no cab came. I called the cab company back and they said they were “working on it”. I waited another half hour and still nobody. I went back in to the clinic and asked if they knew what I could do. The lady I had an appointment with told me to try calling the clinic I normally go to, so I did. By this time it started raining. They said a cab was supposed to have picked me up an hour ago, so she sent another one. One did show up but claimed they couldn’t find me and had to cancel the trip. I was really upset at this point. I was standing outside in the cold rain waiting for them. I called back again and they said they’d have a cab sent right away, so I went back outside to wait. It finally showed up so I got in. He told me the traffic was really bad because of the weather. I was so glad to get out of the rain, and by this time it was completely dark outside. During the ride, another cab kept calling and texting that they were there to pick me up. I didn’t answer because they are usually rude if I don’t show, but I had already been picked up.
I didn’t get home until after 6. That was crazy. I think if when I have an appointment and there’s a storm coming, I’m going to cancel.
I seem to be having a lot of problems with strange and creepy guys coming up to me who live in the same complex as me. When I lived in the old building, this one neighbor would always bother me by coming to the door, he didn’t seem that bad just seemed like a lonely elderly guy who didn’t really have anyone to talk to. Since I’ve moved over here, I haven’t really seen him which I guess is good. There are a couple other guys who live in another building who would keep stopping me while I was either walking to and from the store or in the store. They keep inviting me over and I would keep declining. I really don’t feel comfortable at all going to anyone’s apartment that I don’t know. They just seem really persistent and don’t seem to get it. I’m going to have to be straightforward with them and say that I’m really not interested and am not willing to come over. Then one time I was at the mailbox getting the mail, and a guy I had never seen or met before started talking to me and knew where I lived before and where I live now. I thought that was really creepy. Because of my autism and anxiety I have trouble when people just approach me like that, sometimes I’m too nice. I’m also afraid to piss them off because I don’t know how they will react or what they might do.
It seems to be getting worse, these same guys just keep approaching me. I wish they would just leave me alone. I can try to just tell them to leave me alone and just walk away. I just don’t understand why they feel the need to pester someone who clearly wants to be left alone.
Today I met with the new therapist who was taking my old therapist’s place. I was only in there for a few minutes and she really upset me, so I walked out. I started talking about what was bothering me, and she ended up just making me feel much worse. It was about something personal, so I won’t write it here. I wasn’t comfortable in her office anyway because it is 90 degrees outside with some humidity and she had a heater on. It just isn’t going to work out, so whenever I can get ahold of my case manager, I’ll have to be referred elsewhere because that’s the only therapist they have. My case manager actually forgot to set up the transportation to this appointment, and another case manager had to pick me up to get me there. Maybe that was a sign I shouldn’t have gone, lol. I don’t click with every therapist I’ve had, so this has happened before. My depression has been difficult this past week, and going in there to be upset really didn’t help anything. She seemed to really lack understanding and wanted to be judgmental when she didn’t even know me. It’s funny though that when I met her for the first time but with my old therapist, she wasn’t like that. I at least made sure transportation was set up for my doctor appointment next Tuesday.
I’m also hesitant to be referred elsewhere because the same thing could happen. I don’t know, maybe I just need time to process that my old therapist is gone and I’ll never see her again. There was only one other time I’ve walked out on a therapist like that, and that was when I was in my early 20’s. That one didn’t believe I had any illnesses and said that to my face, even though the doctor said otherwise. The whole thing just really upset me.
Every little thing has been irritating me. A bit of TMI: I start that time of month in a week and all my mental health symptoms get much worse at that time. Still having issues at the new place. What I’m most angry about is this apparent cockroach issue that’s coming from another apartment. Why can’t I just live without all this crap? It’s always something going wrong, I’m just fed up. Not only that, but the move in inspection sheet I was told I had to fill out and return before I was given my mailbox keys seems to have been pointless. Anything that is missing/broken/needs work done on was to be written down on the inspection sheet. It’s been over a week and not one thing on the list has been done. They did do something that wasn’t on the list, the transfer of my screen door and a new lock put on. The door was transferred pretty quickly but the lock took over a week for them to come put on which only took 5 minutes. The other stuff won’t take that long either. Trying to get maintenance to come do anything around here is like pulling teeth. I would think that after everything I’ve been through, they’d be more willing to try to make things better by getting stuff done, but apparently not. The manager “sincerely apologized” for the cockroach issue and said that she didn’t see or hear of any problem. Uh huh. Now I’m locked into a lease here for another year, and who knows for how much longer after that because trying to even get on a housing list is extremely difficult. Housing applications for another city opened up so I applied, but haven’t heard back. I probably wasn’t one of the ones chosen to be placed on the list. So many people need housing, but they don’t have enough vouchers for everyone. I feel bad for complaining about all this, but it’s just so crazy so you can probably imagine how frustrated and angry I am.
On another note, I have closed my other websites and will be switching hosts later this month. I’m not happy with my current host because of downtime and lack of support. The also stopped offering shared and reseller hosting altogether. I’m just going to get a shared hosting plan elsewhere. I’ve been wanting to switch hosts, but didn’t really have the time to deal with that because I was getting ready to move.
Update 8/22/16: Pest control came by to spray and bait, and a little while after he left, I saw another one on the wall. I e-mailed the manager and she sincerely apologized because there was no issue reported in this apartment previously. The problem is that people who have pest problems are not reporting it to management when they are required to do so as stated in the lease. This just causes problems for other people. They said no activity was found in my apartment, and that they were coming from another apartment. So they’re going to have to inspect the people around me to find the problem. Why would you want to live with bugs and not tell anyone? People are ridiculous.
I haven’t even lived here a week and I found a roach in the kitchen last night. I’m really mad. Pest control is coming on Monday. That’s just ridiculous. It never ends does it? I’m also still waiting on maintenance do to the things that need to be done. I wish I could live in a house and not be so close to people.
I saw that this huge 2 night NYE event is going on here and Deadmau5 will be playing. I can’t go because just general admission tickets are over $200. I wouldn’t have any way to get there anyway. Maybe if I was rich. It would be nice to see him again, but I just can’t afford it. Have to pay bills, gotta love being an adult. I remember last year I bought a ticket to the Hello Kitty festival and ended up not being able to go and was out the money. That’s what I hate about buying tickets months in advance, something can come up.
My internet bill is more than double because of the installation, which they overcharged me for. I contacted them and they said they’d give me a credit for $25 on the next bill. They told me installation was going to be $50, and I was charged $75.
It still seems like nothing is going right, especially with the new apartment. The manager said if it’s just one then don’t worry too much, but if there are more then they will have to fog and I would have to get everything prepped after I got everything unpacked. I feel like I’m cursed.
It’s monsoon season here, and I never like it when it happens. Too much rain preventing me from going to the store or doing my laundry. A lot of people here love it, but when I lived in Pennsylvania, it was always snowing or raining and I was always stuck inside. Here I’m outside a lot except for when the monsoons hit. Yesterday I had a doctor appointment and really needed to go to the pharmacy afterwards, but a storm hit and there was a lot of flooding. I waited until it finally stopped raining to go, and I lost one of my shoes in the flooded street. It was like a river in the street and the shoe got carried away to the middle of a busy intersection so I couldn’t get it. I felt so stupid walking into Walgreens with only 1 shoe on. I also realized that I left my debit card at home, but luckily I had enough cash on me to get the prescriptions. I wanted to buy a pair of flip flops so I’d have something to wear on the walk home, but I didn’t have enough cash left to buy them. I had to walk all the way home with only 1 shoe. Earlier that day, the cab never showed up to take me to my doctor appointment so my case manager had to come get me, I was late to the appointment but at least he was willing to still see me because it wasn’t my fault.
I’m still really stressed and overwhelmed from having to spend 2 straight weeks prepping for that bedbug treatment, and I’m feeling the pressure of maybe not getting all the cleaning done in time. For one, I can’t even find my cleaning supplies. Literally everything had to be thrown in boxes quickly to be ready for the treatment. I’ve gone through most of them and still can’t find what I need. I’m trying to look at the positive that I’ll be out of this awful apartment in 12 days, but it’s hard. I was then told by my case manager that the housing I applied for I may not even qualify for anymore. She won’t have any more information on that until Friday. The city of Phoenix is opening up the housing list for applications on Monday and she told me I should apply. Unfortunately, the apartment I’m moving to is not in Phoenix, so I may have to move AGAIN. I wish they would have opened that list a long time ago.
I just had to throw out all my Christmas decorations because it was all destroyed by the rats. Some of that stuff was sentimental and can’t be replaced. There has also been damage to furniture and cords to electronics. The apartment manager says they are not responsible for any of the damage. How are they not responsible? They failed to hire a decent exterminator to take care of the problem, so I’m having to move to get away from these rats. It’s their building, not mine. Renter’s insurance also doesn’t cover damage by rodents. They recently fired the exterminator who was coming every week about the rats. He wasn’t able to do anything more that he had already done anyway.
None of this has been fair to me. I’ve been complaining for a long time about these issues and was told my only option was to move.
The apartment manager here is requiring I have a bed bug treatment before I move. I have been seeing them in odd places and she thinks they’re coming from another apartment, so the apartments around me are being inspected on Monday. She gave me until the 25th to get my apartment prepped for treatment. They fired the guy who was handling my apartment, he doesn’t require all the prep work, but the other company does. Everything has to be removed from closets, cupboards, drawers, absolutely everything has to be removed from the kitchen, curtains taken down, etc. I decided to just start packing since I’m moving on August 15th. I’m trying to get it all done in time, and it’s stressful.
On an unrelated note, I had to report a cable technician to the cable company yesterday. A technician was working in another apartment, and when he’d see me outside, he’d keep waving. I basically ignored it, and was hauling things out to the trash. He then walked over to me, introduced himself, and asked where I was going, then asked if I was married. I just started unlocking my door to go back in and he asks, “what, you don’t want to talk?”. I found all this highly inappropriate. He made me really uncomfortable. I thought he was really out of line for working at someone else’s apartment and then coming over to bother another tenant (me) with personal questions that were none of his business. I heard back from the cable company this morning and they’re going to take care of it. Who knows how many women he has acted this way towards.
I’ve been having issues with my case manager (previous) for months, and I just got a new one. To read about all the case manager woes, visit sometimes.blue. She is actually helpful and responsive, unlike the other one. The old one would schedule transportation to appointments in the middle of the night instead of the afternoon because he couldn’t be bothered to check. I got tired of getting woke up because of it. He had also told me that I was on a housing list as of last year. I find out today from my new case manager that this wasn’t true. I was really upset. I now have to wait at least a year on the list. My new case manager brought over some boxes to pack to move to the new apartment. I also asked about assistance with moving, and was told I need to try to find other resources first. I have to call at least 6 different places to see if they will help. I have to document who I’ve called and what they said, and if they all say no, then I can fill out an application for moving services. I’m going to feel like such an idiot doing that. I think it’s stupid they’re making me do that. I have to do what I have to do, I guess.
An exterminator is coming on Monday to do an inspection, I can’t wait for this to be over. I found out that the lady next door’s apartment is not acceptable to management and she has to rectify it immediately. I found out that she has had a roach problem all this time and never reported it as she was required to per the lease. That might be contributing to the problems I’m having with pests, although I don’t have roaches. I have lived here for 4 years, 3 years was fine until all these new people moved in around me this past year. I’ve had nothing but problems since then. I just have to hang in there until I can get moved.
I wish that incident never happened last year. It really ruined my life. Now I no longer have a car and can’t get my license back. It’s so difficult to get transportation scheduled to get to appointments, I have to walk in 110 degree heat to get groceries and medications, I need moving boxes but have no idea how to get to a place to get them or how to even get them home.
I don’t want to use Uber because they could end up charging whatever they wanted to my card (I’ve seen articles on this). At least cabs take cash, that’s how I prefer to pay so that there are no surprises later, but it’s costly.
I’m always stuck at home because I can’t get anywhere. Buses are a panic attack waiting to happen. I wish there was a cheaper way to get around without taking a bus.
I really can’t deal with this rat problem anymore. There’s obviously an infestation. The exterminator setting traps is not fixing the problem. It has to be determined how they are getting in and that entrance sealed off. I really don’t think anyone has been making enough effort to get rid of them. I can’t move until August. They can’t keep ignoring the problem or doing very little about it because nobody else is going to want to move into this apartment after me with this problem. I’ve lived here for 4 years, and the past year I have had nothing but problems with rats and other pests. It’s the type of people moving in around me. The problem started next door, but because she has a cat, they’re all over here now. Nobody should be stuck in an apartment and have to live with something like this, it is a health hazard. I have a feeling time is going to go by really slow, August seems so far away.