Got the flu

Yesterday I started feeling really sick and looked up flu symptoms, I seem to have most of them. So I won’t be making it to the Whitechapel show tonight. :-< This month has been disappointing because of missed concerts I paid for and couldn't attend. Things just happen I guess. I hope I'm better for my appointment on Monday, I've already rescheduled that twice so I really need to go. I do feel very slightly better than yesterday but I'm going to stay home and rest. I haven't really been able to eat either, and just showering has been a struggle. I haven't felt this awful in a long time. :-& I hope I get better soon. [custom_field field=”mood” post_id=”2032″ limit=”0″ before=”Mood: ” after=”” between=”, ” /]
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I still can’t get over her

Even though my ex-girlfriend (I’m bi) and I broke up months ago, I still can’t get over her. It sucks having to see her whenever I want to go outside to smoke (we’re not allowed to smoke in our apartments here). It’s like the breakup didn’t phase her at all, she dumped me and broke my heart. My heart is still broken and I don’t know what to do to get over it. Her being with someone else makes me feel jealous and more hurt. She was seeing a guy too while we were dating, but for some reason it bothers me that she may find another woman. What has worked for me in the past after a breakup is cutting off all contact, but she’s always around so that’s hard to do. Maybe I’m having these feelings because I’m depressed and lonely, or it could be because it’s that time of the month. Someday I hope to find someone who won’t break my heart.

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My parents moved again

My parents moved again (seems like they’re always moving) to a town called Hermitage, PA. I’ve never heard of it, but that’s where they could find a house they could afford. Apparently they didn’t like apartment living and wanted another house. I wish I could afford one because I hate apartment living.

My mom will be flying out to visit later this month, I’m looking forward to it because I haven’t seen her in a about a year.

Haven’t had much to blog about lately, been sick (again) and am feeling better finally. I can’t believe it’s October already, where did September go? It went by so fast. I’m liking the cooler weather (if you can call 80 degree temperatures cooler) but nights seem pretty chilly. It looks like it’ll be warming back up into the 90’s though. At least it’s not triple digits like it was.

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Help Alvin Get Well

I saw this fundraiser from a woman who is a member of one of the Facebook groups I’m in and it really touched me. Check out the fundraiser here. Alvin really needs help so I’m just trying to get the word out there. [-O< [custom_field field=”mood” post_id=”1906″ limit=”0″ before=”Mood: ” after=”” between=”, ” /]
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Labor Day weekend

It’s labor day weekend and I have no plans, I’ve been feeling really sick the past several days. I think I have some kind of virus, I feel so yucky. Mostly I’ve been sleeping (when I can) or doing pretty much nothing. I have a doctor appointment on Tuesday that I cannot miss so I hope I’m feeling better by then (it took me weeks to get this appointment, and I have a medical excuse form I need filled out by the deadline).

I don’t know what else to say really, just wishing everyone a safe and happy labor day to those who celebrate it.

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Dear mind

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I’ve had this problem for years. I think about everything, and I mean everything at night when I want to sleep. Does anyone else have this problem or have any suggestions? It’s 3:40 AM right now and my mind keeps racing and I can’t sleep.

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RIP Robin Williams

I was very saddened to hear about his death. I loved the movies he was in and he always made me laugh. He also reminded me a lot of my dad. I don’t know what to say other than that, it’s just shocking sad news. What a terrible loss.

robin

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We made up

I worked things out with my friend, she apologized to me for her behavior which I wasn’t expecting. Things seem to be ok now.

I haven’t been doing too well, I’ve been under so much stress because the bills keep piling up and I barely have enough to pay them all. I’m doing the best I can though. It is taking it’s toll on me mentally and physically. I hate bills!

I’m also really upset about my doctor’s office new policy. Now they only allow you to come in to see the doctor when you run out of medication. Lately he has just been refilling the medication without having me come in. This isn’t good because I have mental health issues and need to be seeing a doctor. I called them a few days ago because I’m having problems with my anti-depressant (lots of bad side effects). He said to go off the medication. I said I needed a different medication then because it’s not good for me to be off of anti-depressants. I was told to call back on the 18th (why the 18th?) to schedule an appointment. Not liking this at all.

I wish things would improve, but it doesn’t seem to be going that way. Bad luck I guess.

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I guess this is it

It seems my ex-girlfriend and I’s friendship is over. She’s been ignoring me and deleted me from Facebook. I blocked her number too. Being friends with an ex has never worked for me and this isn’t working. I know she has a lot she’s dealing with right now, but I just can’t be friends with her. This is hard to do because she lives by me. I’m going to try to avoid her as much as possible. She’s causing unnecessary stress in my life and it has to stop. She’s also not very understanding of me and my illnesses and I don’t need a friend like that.

I just want to move on with my life.

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This is so hard

I’m still completely in love with my ex-girlfriend, we’re just friends now but it’s really hard. I want to be with her so badly but she loves her boyfriend and won’t leave him. She says she loves me back but doesn’t want to get back with me. I don’t think I’ve ever been in love with someone this much before, it hurts. I ended up kissing her yesterday and I shouldn’t have, but she kissed me back. I wish she’d leave that guy who treats her like crap and be with me instead, but I don’t see that happening. I wish I could get over her. :-< [custom_field field=”mood” post_id=”1803″ limit=”0″ before=”Mood: ” after=”” between=”, ” /]
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Still stressed

My financial situation has gotten dire so I’ve been too stressed out to blog, but I figured I’d write something. My 4th of July was pretty decent, got to see some awesome fireworks. Too bad I didn’t think to bring my phone to take pictures/video. I also got a Diamond Candle (before my financial situation took a dive). I got this one:

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It’s Vanilla Cream.

Here’s the ring I found in it:
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It’s a yellowish orange color that I’m not crazy about, but at least this one fits!

I like Diamond Candles better than Prize candle because the candles are larger, but I liked the appraisal feature of Prize Candle. I can’t find out how much my ring is worth (probably not much).

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New medication

My doctor finally got my insurance to approve my Pristiq. Hoping I get some positive results from it, I start it tomorrow. The Chantix isn’t working out so well, I’m still smoking. I don’t think the dose is high enough, but I am noticing some nausea when smoking.

I’m still trying to handle this breakup the best I can, but I’ve been depressed and haven’t felt like doing anything. This kind of thing is always hard on me. I know I can get through it, I just need time.

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Selling my iPhone

I’m selling my pink iPhone 5c 16gb for Verizon for $300 with free shipping. I’ll only accept PayPal and ship within the United States.

$_57

It is like new with no scratches and works perfectly. E-mail me if interested.

Getting a new phone

I currently have the iPhone 5c and this was my first iPhone. I had always liked Android but I wanted to try something new. The iPhone is just not for me.

galaxy-s5-launch-hero_0

This will be my new phone, the Samsung Galaxy S5. I can’t wait until it’s delivered.

What a relief

I had been going through a really extensive disability review, they sent me a bunch of forms as well as my mom. They kept calling too. They were having a problem getting my medical records and I was really worried, but they finally said they got my records and that there’s plenty of evidence that I’m still disabled. So I’m really happy about that (not happy about being disabled, but you know what I mean). I was so scared there for awhile. Now I can rest easy knowing I have little to stress about (except my upcoming dental appointment, who knows how much that will cost).

I also went to see War of Ages (band from my hometown) and they recognized me and hugged me, I thought that was so awesome! Love those guys.

Things are going well with the girlfriend and I feel happier than I have in a long time.

Very True

I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person – Olivia Wilde

2013 Recap

1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?
Nothing, really.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I never keep my resolutions, lol. I’m not big on resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not anyone close to me, no.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank God.

5. Did you visit anywhere exciting?
Nope.

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
A relationship.

7. What date from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
My first car accident, it freaked me out.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I graduated from college.

9. What was your biggest mistake?
Getting in that accident and getting back together with my ex.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes, I had the flu.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The new iPhone.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My mom, she’s always there for me when I need her.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My ex boyfriend and an ex friend.

14. Where did most of your money go in 2013?
Bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Seeing The Devil Wears Prada for the 7th time.

16. What song will always remind you of 2013?
None come to mind.

17. Compared to this time last year, you are:
Sicker, mentally and physically.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Going out.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Alone at home.

21. Did you fall in love in 2013?
Not really.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
The Vampire Diaries

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Not really hate, just strongly dislike.

24. What was the best book you read?
I haven’t been reading lately, my ADD prevents me from concentrating on books.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
None that I can think of.

26. What did you want and get?
Money.

27. What did you want and not get?
Christmas presents.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Went out to dinner and I turned 30.

29. What’s one thing that would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More money to pay the bills, more time seeing my mom.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
Casual as always.

31. What kept you sane?
Working on my website, watching stuff on Netflix.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Ian Somerhalder.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?
I don’t really get into politics.

34. Who do you miss the most?
My mom.

35. Who was the best new person you met?
Teresa.

37. What are your new years resolutions for 2014?
To worry less and lose weight, not sure those are going to happen though.

I got this quiz from OkDani.com

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The reason I haven’t been writing

My depression unfortunately has gotten worse. I’ve always struggled with depression, but it seems after the accident I got into (don’t want to get into too many details, I bumped into someone on a scooter because I didn’t see him). I’ve never been in an accident before and I guess the whole thing shook me up even though it wasn’t a bad accident. I have a new doctor now, and he switched my medication in hopes that it will make me feel better. That stuff takes awhile to get into my system and start working, so we’ll see.

I think part of it also has to do with being so far away from my family, I really miss them. I don’t know, maybe at some point I’ll have to move back to Pennsylvania even though I hated it there. I hope it doesn’t come to that. It’s hard to care about things (like this site) because of how lousy I’ve been feeling. Depression is just a rough thing to go through especially if it’s severe. All the weight I’ve gained hasn’t helped either, I just hope I start feeling better at some point.