Looking for a new doctor

I’ve been looking for a new doctor. The main reasons for that are my current one doesn’t take my secondary insurance, and she didn’t listen to me during the last visit. I got a bill in the mail for what my primary insurance didn’t pay. It’s not much, but I’d like to find a doctor who will take both. I’m still having back pain, and I’ve been having some pain and numbness in my right leg. I also am having a lot of stomach problems, it seems to hurt really often and I’m always running to the bathroom. The doctor thought it was because of anxiety, but I don’t think that’s the only reason. I’m always tired and have no energy.

I need a doctor who will listen and send me somewhere to have these things checked out. I’ve also gained a lot of weight, that might be because of the amounts of medications I’m on and the high doses. My depression has been bad as well. I thought that maybe it was because of the holidays, but they are over so I guess it’s not that. I see my psych doctor on Tuesday. I’m going to tell him that maybe it’s time to change my antidepressant to something I’ve never been on. It sucks feeling so blah and having no energy to get anything done.

Side note: I’ve opened an Etsy Shop.

Not feeling well again

I had a horrible stomach virus at the beginning of November, now I’m having stomach issues again (but not nearly as bad as before) and either ear or tooth pain. I’m not even due to go to the dentist yet, I first want to see if it’s my ear because many times before when I had pain and went to the dentist, it wasn’t my teeth and ended up being an ear infection. I go to the doctor on Tuesday, I called this past Tuesday so that will be a week. It usually doesn’t take that long to get in, but a lot of people are sick right now because of the weather change.

I was feeling ok enough to go get a haircut today. I wasn’t at all happy with the salon I went to. Apparently, it was one of those quick salons but I didn’t know that. There is only one guy there and he was kind of rude. I was shaking with anxiety because he made me uncomfortable. I brought in a picture of how I wanted it cut and he didn’t take more than 10 minutes and said he was done. I just wanted to get out of there so I just said I liked it so I could pay and leave. I definitely won’t be going back there. If he wasn’t so intimidating I would have had him do more. I was the only person in there and their Facebook page didn’t have many likes, and then I knew why. I will have to go back to the salon I went to before even though it’s more expensive. I’m feeling like crap again now probably because of the anxiety attack I had earlier.

Haven’t been doing well

Feels like it’s been awhile since my last post. I was sick but now I’m not feeling well again. I have had a toothache and have an appointment with an endodontist to see if I need a root canal on my tooth. I also (sorry if this is too much info) found a breast lump and am really worried about that. I have an appointment scheduled to get that checked out, I was too scared to make an appointment but found the courage to make one today. I’m worried because my mom had breast cancer, but she also told me that my aunt has had cysts in her breasts that weren’t cancer and told me to stay positive. My periods are also only lasting for a day which is unusual. I will bring this up with the doctor to see what she thinks. I don’t have much else to say, just wanted to explain why I haven’t been blogging or anything lately.

I need to vent

I use this blog sometimes as kind of therapy because it helps me to write things down that are bothering me. First of all, I’m worried about the rent increase because I don’t want to move and can’t find anything cheaper with square footage being similar to this place. Very few have all utilities included like this place. Second, my mental and physical health has been poor, the doctor keeps saying “we’ll get you feeling better soon” every time he sees me. I’ve been having problems since I was 3 so it’s unlikely my mental health will improve. Then there are bills I can’t pay and I have to worry about collection agencies and potential lawsuits. I’m also still in love with my ex which is really hard. This has not been a good year for me, it seems everything is going downhill and getting worse. I’ve just been trying to take it day by day, but my OCD thinking gets the best of me.

I’m going to keep praying that things will get better. [-O< [custom_field field=”mood” post_id=”2003″ limit=”0″ before=”Mood: ” after=”” between=”, ” /]
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More ear problems

I’ve had problems with ear infections and fluid buildup since I was a kid. I went to the doctor Friday because my ear was bothering me. She said there’s no infection (thankfully) but fluid is built up inside a tube in my ear (no idea what it’s called). She told me to take Claritin and Flonase. So far no improvement. I’ve been feeling a bit dizzy and just blah overall. I wish this stuff would clear out so I feel better.

Hopefully by Thursday I’m doing better because I have other appointments I can’t miss.

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So much spam

Wow, I had over 500 users who registered to go through and almost all of them were spam. If you got deleted and weren’t a spammer, re-register (I think that’s fixed now) and fill in some information on your profile so I know you aren’t a spammer.

Anyway, things haven’t been going very well for me lately. As I may have mentioned before, I suffer from major depressive disorder. My doctor prescribed me some Wellbutrin and that didn’t work out at all. It made me so sick. I haven’t been motivated to do anything with this site let alone blog. He’s switching me to a new medication called Luvox, but I don’t think I’ll be able to start it until Monday. I’m really hoping it will help because I hate feeling so lousy. I’m also hoping my insurance will cover it or I’ll need something else. I’m not a big fan of my doctor (they keep changing them around on me) he’s just really…out there. I think our personalities clash. I’m still going to therapy every two weeks and that helps a little bit, I get along with my therapist really well.

On Monday night I’m seeing Norma Jean, then the following week The Devil Wears Prada. In December I have Every Time I Die and Impending Doom. I really wish I went to see Nine Inch Nails last weekend but tickets were too expensive. The shows I go to cost around $20 for a ticket. I wouldn’t pay $100 for a ticket, that just seems like way too much to me. My doctor says he’s happy I’m going to these because it’s good I’m at least trying to get out of the house.

I also did something I thought I’d never do, get an iPhone. I had always had Android since it first came out, and to be honest, I miss it. The iPhone is okay just not as great as people make it out to be.

The reason I haven’t been writing

My depression unfortunately has gotten worse. I’ve always struggled with depression, but it seems after the accident I got into (don’t want to get into too many details, I bumped into someone on a scooter because I didn’t see him). I’ve never been in an accident before and I guess the whole thing shook me up even though it wasn’t a bad accident. I have a new doctor now, and he switched my medication in hopes that it will make me feel better. That stuff takes awhile to get into my system and start working, so we’ll see.

I think part of it also has to do with being so far away from my family, I really miss them. I don’t know, maybe at some point I’ll have to move back to Pennsylvania even though I hated it there. I hope it doesn’t come to that. It’s hard to care about things (like this site) because of how lousy I’ve been feeling. Depression is just a rough thing to go through especially if it’s severe. All the weight I’ve gained hasn’t helped either, I just hope I start feeling better at some point.

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