Today is my birthday. I spent most of it watching season 2 of Atypical on Netflix and doing laundry. I feel older physically because my health has not been great. I saw my primary care doctor yesterday, and I will have to go back to do a lung test because she thinks I may have asthma from all the years of smoking. I’ve told her I’ve tried everything to quit (Vaping, Chantix, Wellbutrin, patches, lozenges) and nothing’s working. She also said my depression needs to be managed better. I agree that it does, I have an appointment later this month for that. I’m in therapy weekly also and he acknowledges that I’ve had a really rough few years and that it would be hard to quit smoking when my mental health hasn’t been great. I also saw a nutritionist because my blood sugar was elevated. I know I need to change my diet but it’s hard to feel motivated with depression.
I know, not a good birthday post but it’s just like any other day to me.
I have been feeling lousy the past week so I made a doctor appointment (it was today). It turns out both of my ears are infected and full of fluid. This is nothing new for me, I’ve been having ear problems since I was a child. I have to take antibiotics for the infections as well as Flonase and allergy medication to get the fluid to drain. I went to the dentist last Monday for pain and my bite was off and that was fixed. I’m still having pain but it’s most likely my ears.
My depression also started getting worse. I don’t know if it’s because of this other stuff going on or medication changes. I’m also having insomnia still so that doesn’t help. Maybe because I’m just so tired all the time it’s making me more depressed. I’m on medications for that but sometimes it doesn’t work. It’s usually my brain not wanting to shut off at night. I’m in therapy trying to get my anxiety under control. I hope I start feeling better soon.
I saw my psychiatrist today and he prescribed a medication that’s used to treat Bipolar. I don’t know if I’m Bipolar or not but I keep struggling with mood problems and depression. I’m also on other medication to help with mood. Most of it is situational. Since I haven’t heard from the navigator who was going to help me find another place, I’ll have to try to get in touch with the lady who did the intake.
That person who stole my card information last month is still causing trouble. They tried making a purchase from iTunes, and I got an email saying an order is ready for pickup at a Toys R Us in Indiana. The old card was closed and has been closed for over a month but they are still trying to use it. I called the bank and Toys R Us and neither were of any help. I wish this person would get caught but that probably won’t happen. Since all that happened, my email spam folder has been filling up with thousands of porn emails. That wasn’t happening before so it wouldn’t surprise me if that person signed me up for all of that. There are some really messed up people out there.
Yesterday I saw the GI doctor and he wanted me to have a colonoscopy done. He asked if I had anyone who could be with me and go home with me because they would have to put me to sleep. I don’t have anyone, so he didn’t schedule the procedure because he said it would be a liability issue if I went home alone. I also can’t do it because I can’t have any food for a day, only liquids. I have low blood sugar and have to eat several times a day. Liquids are not going to keep my blood sugar up and I will get sick. I also can’t take any of my medications which are also a huge problem. My mental health has been bad, and I really don’t think this is something I can do. I also have past trauma of being put to sleep. When I had my tonsils removed as a kid, I ended up in a psychiatric hospital afterward for a month. The doctor said that they would also want to put me to sleep to stick a scope down my throat and into my stomach. My case manager even said if I am not mentally stable enough for something like this, then don’t do it. The doctor also mentioned ultrasounds and bloodwork. Those might be my only other options. I feel like the doctor doesn’t understand that this is not good for my mental health. I’ll just have to tell them that I can’t do this because of my mental health.
I went back to my PCP last week still about the allergic reaction/itching and stomach problems. She had me do bloodwork there to check for Celiac Disease. That came back negative, so she referred me to a dermatologist and a GI doctor. I see the dermatologist on the 27th but the GI doctor said they couldn’t get me in until October. I spoke with the referral department about how long it will take to see the GI doctor, and they gave me a number to a different one. They were closed when I called so I’ll try again on Monday. My stomach is bothering me on a daily basis and it can’t wait until October. I hope the other one can get me in sooner. I wouldn’t be surprised if my anxiety has caused an ulcer or something.
I also saw my psychiatrist last week, he increased one medication and prescribed a new one. I wasn’t able to get the new one because insurance wouldn’t cover it. I left them several messages about that, and the pharmacy sent over several faxes. The doctor hasn’t responded to the pharmacy and I haven’t been able to get anyone to call me back. It’s a brand name drug that doesn’t have a generic, so that’s why it’s not covered. To get it covered, the psychiatrist would have to do paperwork and send it to the insurance company, which I’m sure he doesn’t have time to do. I suggested in the message to prescribe an alternative that has a generic. I’m really frustrated that this still hasn’t been resolved. The medication was for insomnia which I’m still having really bad. The pharmacy said they need to hear from the doctor about this. I understand he’s busy, but it shouldn’t be taking this long to resolve. I shouldn’t have to keep calling them, it’s such a pain. Sometimes I really have to be persistent with things like this.
This allergic reaction is still going on, despite stopping a certain medication that may have been the cause. It may take awhile for it to leave my system. The doctor prescribed another round of steroids. She keeps saying it’s something I’m eating or using. I’ve only ever had allergic reactions to medications, nothing else. I know exactly what I’m eating and using and was eating and using these things with no problems a month ago but she won’t listen to me. She’s going to have to refer me to someone who can help me with finding the cause if it isn’t that medication. I need to allow some more time to see if it clears up and stay off that medication permanently. It’s just really frustrating because being red and itchy is not fun.
As far as therapy goes, I’ve decided not to do it at this time. I was really put off by the last therapist’s behavior, and I can’t seem to find another one I connect with. Honestly, I’ve only had 2 good therapists. The only reason why I’m not seeing them anymore is because they left to take a job elsewhere. I also want to cut back on appointments since the transportation services are a nightmare half the time. Last week I had a doctor appointment and was left stuck outside after they closed waiting for someone to show up for an hour and a half. When I complain, all I get is a half-assed apology. If only I had the money to reinstate my license and get a car.
Update: A new therapist called and he seemed kind of rude. I get really flustered on the phone because of anxiety and agreed to an appointment I didn’t really want. I called this morning to cancel. I’m just not having much luck with therapists and am getting too frustrated at this point, so I don’t really want therapy right now.
I saw my psychiatrist on Tuesday, he took me off one medication because it wasn’t helping and prescribed something to help me sleep. It worked for one night so far. I miss the nights years ago when I could sleep normally. I think it’s related to my mental health and I have been going to therapy. I will have to switch to a different therapist because he kept bringing up sexual things and asking questions that I didn’t think were appropriate. I told him to stop making these comments and he made it seem like it was my fault because “everyone else talks about it”. I’m not really concerned with what “everyone else” is talking about, I’m not “everyone else”. It’s one thing if I brought it up, but I didn’t. It seemed like he was trying to make me feel bad about it. I asked a couple of people what they thought, and they thought he was out of line. He didn’t seem to like that I didn’t think his comments were appropriate and I want to see someone else. Oh well, I have every right to switch if I’m not comfortable.
Yesterday the regular doctor said the allergic reaction appears to be gone now but it could come back. She told me to pay attention to what I’m using (I haven’t changed anything). My skin has been really dry and it usually isn’t. I’ll have to wait and see what happens and go from there.
Anyway, I got a Snapchat finally. I know I’m really behind but it took me some time to get the hang of it. My Snapcode is on the sidebar.
On Tuesday I went to get the ultrasounds to check out the breast lumps, they turned out to be nothing. That was a huge relief. The follow-up appointment with my doctor is on Thursday. There are still several concerns that need to be brought up. I wish they had the time to get through it all so I don’t have to keep going back there multiple times. My back pain and stomach problems haven’t been addressed yet. I guess I’ll have to just keep going in until everything has been dealt with. I was seeing a crappy doctor before who wasn’t doing anything about the problems and they just got worse. They also did bloodwork, and only had the results for one thing which was my blood sugar. They said it was a little high but I’m not considered diabetic. I’m just tired of running to all these appointments but things need to be checked out. I’ve been really worn out because of my insomnia and not getting much sleep.
It’s Easter and I don’t have any plans as usual since the family is in Pennsylvania. I just want to relax honestly.
This blog is about female related issues, so I’m putting it behind a cut.
I was going to put a new theme up, but I caught this horrible cold/flu virus thing that has been going around. Last Monday it started with a bad cough and got worse from there. I could hardly eat anything for several days and back pain was severe. It was hard to rest because of my insomnia. I’m finally feeling better and am trying to get caught up on things. I’m not sure when I’ll get to the theme.
Last Tuesday I saw a new doctor. She, unfortunately, didn’t have time to go over all the health problems I’ve been having. I did have an infection she prescribed me antibiotics for. I was supposed to go in today for bloodwork and to get urine test results, but the transportation service showed up an hour and 20 minutes late so I wasn’t able to make it. I had a similar problem with my last appointment. The cab called me, hung up on me, and drove off. I had to wait for another one to come and get me which took awhile and made me late. I had to reschedule today’s appointment for this Friday and chose a different company for transportation. I hope this one shows up on time. Unfortunately all the trouble I got into in 2015 with my arrest, I lost my license and vehicle so it’s been a huge pain to have to rely on these companies who can’t show up on time because it makes me look bad.
I have therapy on the 6th and I’m looking forward to that to talk about all my frustrations.
Pest control came Thursday and everything was ok. I didn’t need a follow-up treatment and was told I could put everything back. I spent the weekend moving the furniture back, putting all the other stuff back, cleaning, and doing laundry. That was such a pain having to move everything out of closets and cupboards then moving it all back.
I see a new doctor next week, I have a list of concerns about my back, stomach, my now swollen foot, and a few other things. I don’t know why my foot is swollen when I haven’t done anything to it. It’s all a bit worrying. I’m sure a lot of these problems may be related to all the weight gain from medications. I really need to get more exercise, but unfortunately, the gym here is under construction. It’s also been really hot here and is supposed to go up to 90+ degree temperatures. The apartment complex manager still hasn’t turned on the air conditioning (this place has an old system where you can only either have heat or air conditioning, not both). They said that the temperatures were too low at night (they aren’t) and it’s going to take awhile to get the chiller systems up and running. It’s not supposed to be on until the 20th. My apartment gets so hot during the day that it’s almost unbearable. I have several fans going and it doesn’t help much. I really don’t understand why they think it’s too cold at night. If people are cold, can’t they just put on a sweater? I may have to complain to the city because 94 degrees is too hot to be without air conditioning.
I’ve been looking for a new doctor. The main reasons for that are my current one doesn’t take my secondary insurance, and she didn’t listen to me during the last visit. I got a bill in the mail for what my primary insurance didn’t pay. It’s not much, but I’d like to find a doctor who will take both. I’m still having back pain, and I’ve been having some pain and numbness in my right leg. I also am having a lot of stomach problems, it seems to hurt really often and I’m always running to the bathroom. The doctor thought it was because of anxiety, but I don’t think that’s the only reason. I’m always tired and have no energy.
I need a doctor who will listen and send me somewhere to have these things checked out. I’ve also gained a lot of weight, that might be because of the amounts of medications I’m on and the high doses. My depression has been bad as well. I thought that maybe it was because of the holidays, but they are over so I guess it’s not that. I see my psych doctor on Tuesday. I’m going to tell him that maybe it’s time to change my antidepressant to something I’ve never been on. It sucks feeling so blah and having no energy to get anything done.
Side note: I’ve opened an Etsy Shop.
I saw the doctor yesterday, and I felt like I wasted most of my day. It took awhile for me to be seen. I told her about the pain in my ear, stomach, and back. She looked in my ear and said there’s really nothing wrong and it’s probably a dental issue. She dismissed my back and stomach pain. I made an appointment with the dentist, I’m worried because I don’t have insurance and will need help from family for the costs. It’s like the dentist’s office didn’t believe me either. I guess because I have mental illnesses, people don’t take me seriously. My doctor prescribed me an anti-nausea medication which isn’t really helping. I feel like crap. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow that I really don’t want to cancel because I’ve been waiting for over a month to see him. My psychiatrist said I should have my back x-rayed, but my regular doctor doesn’t seem concerned at all with it. The next time I see him I’ll have to tell him that. I may have to start looking for a new doctor, but I’m afraid the same thing will happen (them not believing me about the pain). At least at the dentist, if they find something it’ll get taken care of.
I got a new laptop, it took awhile for shipping. I wanted one with a touchscreen, but the ones I was looking at were really low end in terms of specifications. It would have cost too much. This one has everything minus the touchscreen. Can’t have everything. I’m just glad I have a computer to use.
Yesterday I had a doctor appointment. I told him about the insomnia but he didn’t really have a solution for it. He asked me why I’m not sleeping. Because I just can’t? I really don’t know what’s causing it. He took me off of the anxiety medication I was currently on (Buspar) and put me on Gabapentin. I thought that was a bit strange since it’s for seizures and nerve pain, but he said it can help with anxiety. It’s too soon to tell if it’s going to help or not. He wanted me to come back in a month.
I should go back to my regular doctor about the back pain I’m having, she seemed to think it’s a sprain, but I don’t think so. If I’ve been lying in bed for awhile it starts to really hurt and I have to get up. It mostly bothers me when I’m in bed. My mom has back problems really bad and there’s nothing much doctors can do for her. My doctor doesn’t seem to want to do anything about it and I hate going to appointments anyway.
I didn’t really care for the new doctor I saw today. When he would ask me a question, he would interrupt me when I was in the middle of answering. I just found it really irritating. You can read more about my mental health stuff here.
The legal stuff is still going on, I hope for my sanity that it ends soon, it’s been going on for 7 months now. It’s still in my best interests to keep it quiet for now.
I found a really cool website called Mood Panda, you can rate your happiness on a scale and explain further. If you want to follow me, my profile is here.
I haven’t been blogging because of legal issues that have been going on that I can’t talk about publicly. All I can say is, it’s not good. I was hoping it would all be resolved by the new year but that isn’t going to happen. Once it’s all said and done I will write about it.
I’ve been having issues with my apartment again, I have a rat problem that they can’t seem to get rid of. An exterminator comes every week to check/set traps but there is still a problem. I was offered to move to a different apartment, but I don’t have anyone to help me move. I really don’t know what I should do.
I’m also going to a new mental health clinic and now have a case manager. I really don’t like either, my case manager is too hard to get ahold of and never calls me back. The doctor I was seeing was honestly a huge bitch and I said I can’t deal with her anymore, I want a new doctor. I had to have my appointments with her over Skype which I’ve never done before. She would talk down to me like I was a child, kept bugging me about pregnancy for some reason, yelled at me for stopping medication that she told me to stop, and told me side effects from one medication were “in my head”. The new doctor is much better and he actually listened to me.
That’s about all that’s going on right now.
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As I’ve mentioned before, I struggle with a variety of mental health problems. I’ve really gotten bad lately so I had to make an appointment to go in. He ended up switching my anti-depressant from Remeron (that stuff made me feel so much worse) to Celexa. I’ve been on it before, but he said I’ve been on everything else. I’ll try it again and see what happens.
I was supposed to go see War of Ages tonight, but after having so much anxiety all day over the doctor appointment, I’m drained. Plus I’m having some car trouble. I don’t feel safe driving that far until I get it checked out. I just want to relax tonight, I have stuff I have to do tomorrow (laundry, grocery shopping). It’s been really hard doing things since I was on that Remeron, it made me just want to not leave the apartment. I hope I start feeling better but it can take a month for the medication to fully get into my system. Here’s hoping. [-O<
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I finally got my shoes! Took USPS long enough to fix the error in my ZIP code.
I wanted something black and simple to better go with my outfits, I like them.
I was surprised to call this morning to get a doctor appointment on Monday, usually because of their policy they will only schedule for 24-48 hours. I did fill out a complaint form their website and mailed it to the main office so maybe that helped.
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