2017

On New Year’s Eve, there were fireworks but I wasn’t able to see them well with all the trees in the way. They were on the other side of the complex and this place is huge. The country club next door does them. I didn’t have enough time to get over there because they were over so quickly. The fireworks on the 4th of July and New Year’s Eve used to be good, now they’re not. Probably budget cuts or something. I really wanted to go to the music festival that was on Friday and Saturday night, but the tickets were very expensive and the transportation would have cost too much because it was a bit far.

I’m actually glad the holidays are over because they make me depressed. Today I spent most of the day in bed because I just felt so lousy. I met with my new therapist last week and he seemed really nice. He thinks I’m depressed because of the holidays too.

I got a notice on my door the other day that the water here is going to be off from January 3-6 from 8-5. That’s really crazy. Whenever there is a leak, water to the entire property has to be shut off. They’re doing this to fix it so that doesn’t have to happen. It’s still really inconvenient to be without water for 8 hours for 3 days. I will have to put water in containers to get by until it’s back on in the evening.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a good holiday. I hope this year is better. I’m terrible at keeping New Year’s resolutions, so my resolution for this year is to just keep going.

“It isn’t only a new year; it is a new chance for everyone to restart.” – Mohammed Sekouty

Making progress

My doctor’s appointment today went well. I have been doing better as far as the depression goes, and the schizophrenia has improved a bit. I’m still having problems with anxiety, so my doctor switched me from Xanax to Klonopin. It’s supposed to last longer whereas the Xanax has a short life span.

I also created a new Facebook group, Schizophrenia, bipolar, depression and anxiety. I’d appreciate it if you would join if you suffer from those conditions. We don’t have many members as of yet.

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Update on my mental health

Things seem to be going better than usual, I think the increase in anti-depressant is helping, as well as the increase in anti-psychotic. I did have an episode of paranoia and scared feelings the other night, but all seems ok now. Unfortunately, my financial situation has taken a turn for the worse, but that’s for another private entry.

I did update my other blogs finally. Sometimes they’re hard to keep up with. I’m just taking one day at a time.

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Finally, a new theme

Just a quick blog. I finally have a new theme up, the other one was up for over a year and I needed a change.

I’m starting to feel a bit better as far as the depression, but only a little bit. That’s something though.

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In one of my moods again

I’m in one of my depressed and completely bored out of my mind moods. I always feel worse around the holidays because I don’t get to see my family. I don’t think I’m even decorating for Christmas this year, what’s the point? Nobody’s coming over. It’s also too much work to just have the stuff up for a month. Plus, my closet is such a mess it is packed to the ceiling with stuff and I don’t think I could get anything out anyway.

It sounds like my mom won’t be coming out in the spring (she was supposed to come out in October, but her back problems prevented her from doing so). She says she can’t afford it because she has to help me out with my dental issues. She bought a new house so that could also be why. I feel so bad, but I don’t have insurance. I suggested we video chat, but she said she got a new laptop and doesn’t know if it has a camera or how to do it (she’s not very good at technology).

When I’m close to running out of medication, I’m calling my doctor to see if I can come in and get some different medication, I need to start feeling better.

I’ve also been very active on my Tumblr lately, I think I’m addicted.

I don’t know if any of this is stupid or makes sense but it’s what’s going through my head right now. All my thoughts are jumbled right now.

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My depression has gotten better (for now)

It comes and goes, but right now I feel ok. I took advantage of it and got the cleaning and laundry done early as well as the grocery shopping. I do wish I had the attention span to watch some movies on Netflix. My doctor won’t give me medication for my ADHD, probably because I’m on Xanax. I just keep pausing movies to get up and do something else, I hate it. My doctor thinks it’s my depression causing that but I don’t think it is, well maybe a little bit.

I guess all I can really do is take one day at a time, and be thankful for days when I feel ok.

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Not feeling that great

My depression is getting to me again. I’ve had severe depression since high school and nothing has helped. My doctor (and other doctors) I’ve seen are a joke and just give me medications that don’t work. I wish I could go back to when I was happier a few years ago and went out and enjoyed myself. Now, I can’t even go to concerts that I used to enjoy going to because I can’t get myself to leave the apartment to go. I have one tomorrow but I don’t think I’ll make it. I’m just not in the mood. I can’t even sit and watch a movie because I have no focus or patience. I just get bored and frustrated with everything and go to bed.

I’ve tried therapy, started that at age 3 and continued it throughout my adult life. It was no help. I find it better to talk to my mom instead. Maybe I should try therapy again, although it’s hard to find someone I click with. My old therapist who I really liked left and took another job. I wish I had more friends and people to do things with.

I guess I’m done rambling for now, I should go to bed.

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So much anxiety and depression

For the past month (or month and a half, can’t remember) I’ve been having horrible depression and anxiety (with panic attacks). I’ve been missing appointments, concerts, and slacking on household chores. I did manage to clean and get the laundry done which surprised me. My medication is no help, but my doctor is so hard to get into. I just can’t live like this anymore. I don’t want to do anything but stay home in my pajamas and sleep. It’s just so hard to struggle for so long with these problems. I’m on an anti-depressant and Xanax and they don’t seem to be helping even a little bit. I can only pray that things get better. It seems that after I got that flu everything went downhill. Kind of strange.

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Can’t think of a title

I tried switching hosts again and surprise, surprise, my site wouldn’t work. It just doesn’t make any sense to me why it won’t work with other hosts. Support was too slow and I couldn’t get my site fixed so I canceled. It was a good deal, $25 (with coupon) for a year of hosting. I wanted to save money because my current host charges too much for a yearly pan so I pay monthly. Cheaper isn’t always better I guess. I have noticed my site has been a little slow lately, not sure what’s going on. Probably because I have too many plugins running. :))

I’ve been going through a tough depression, things going on in my life have me stressed out and I’m just overwhelmed and want to stay in bed. I have to go in to the doctor’s office on Monday for an annual assessment to check my progress. There has been none, in fact, I’ve gotten worse. The nurse said she will see if the doctor can squeeze me in so I can discuss this and medications. I doubt it will happen since he is constantly booked. I think I’ll mention to the nurse that I don’t like the new policy of not being able to schedule appointments when I need to, not that it’ll do any good. Phoenix is a large city so they wanted to cut down the amount of appointments because the doctor was seeing so many patients he couldn’t keep track of all their health concerns. I wish I could go somewhere else, but this is the only place that will take my lousy insurance. I just wish they never did this change, I was able to see my psychiatrist whenever I needed to, now you have to call pretty much every day to see if he has an opening because they won’t schedule out farther than 1-2 days now. :-< [custom_field field=”mood” post_id=”2025″ limit=”0″ before=”Mood: ” after=”” between=”, ” /]
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