I’m not good with people and it’s difficult sometimes

I’ve never been good with people because of my autism, and I really don’t like when people put me on the spot or expect me to do things I’m not comfortable doing. There’s this young couple who lives 2 doors down from me and the guy’s mother is staying with them, and the father occasionally comes by and apparently, the son doesn’t want him to. Sometimes when I start to come outside for a cigarette, the father is sitting in my chair (which isn’t a big deal, but he can’t seem to leave me alone). He keeps asking me to do things that I’m not comfortable doing (knocking on his son and girlfriend’s door). I don’t know them and they don’t know me. The son tends to ignore the father’s efforts to contact him because I guess they don’t get along. The father keeps thanking me for doing these things when I don’t do them, I just say yeah ok when I really should say no. I just feel bad because it’s a sad situation all around. I just don’t want to get involved because it’s not my place to act as a mediator between father and son. I’m just going to have to say no and hope he doesn’t get too upset. I’m really not good with people and forced interaction. I just like to keep to myself honestly.

Fidget spinners

Is anyone else on the spectrum annoyed about this fidget toy trend? I don’t even own one myself. Something that’s used to help people with autism, anxiety, ADHD, etc. is now some huge fad. I saw this article and would have to agree.

“Mum, it’s like everyone wants to be autistic like me now!” my 8-year-old daughter announced as she came out of school on Monday.

She was referring to the latest “craze” for the fidget spinner in her school (and it seems every other school in the country). Suddenly it was “cool” to want to fidget, and if you didn’t have the must-have fidget toy, you were somehow the odd one out.

It did somewhat amuse me to think that after an entire month of autism awareness all it actually took to make autism “cool” was a little handheld plastic and metal spinner!

I was considering a fidget cube awhile back, but never actually got one. I don’t exactly want to jump on this trend now.

Moving next month

I’m moving next month, to a different apartment, same place. I’m feeling really overwhelmed and am not even prepared yet. I don’t see the point in packing yet, because I don’t want boxes just sitting around for a month and a half. There will be a lot of cleaning that has to be done as well. It will also be nice to get away from this rodent issue and not have an exterminator coming over every week. Neighbors have also been bugging me a lot. They’re starting to come to my door when I don’t want them to. People just don’t understand that because of my autism, I prefer to spend most of my time alone. I also don’t like my routines being interrupted. I put a “do not disturb” sign on my door, hoping that will deter them from coming to the door. I don’t want to be rude, but I don’t go to their doors, so I don’t know why they are coming to mine. The new apartment will be upstairs, so hopefully people will be less likely to go up there to bother me. I discussed this with my therapist, and she told me I need to set boundaries. I just don’t know how to tell people to leave me alone without coming off as rude. I’m not good with confrontation at all. One neighbor who never used to talk to me before, is always talking to me and coming to the door. Yesterday he said he would bring me home some boxes if I would help him carry his drums to the car. I agreed, but regretted it because by the time he wanted them carried out, I was ready to go to bed. I don’t think I was much help because I was falling asleep. I feel bad, but if people want me to help them they need to ask during the day. I go to bed early. I hope he isn’t mad at me because he saw me outside and didn’t say anything. There’s nothing I can do if he is mad though. I can’t please everyone.

People just don’t get it

I get tired of having to explain myself to people. Most people I encounter think I’m just being “shy”. I also don’t know why these people practically force me to talk to them. 85% of the time, I want to be left alone. You’d think that would be obvious? I’d think that more people would be aware of autism by now, but apparently not. When I was forced to do that substance abuse treatment by the judge, none of the people there understood even though I explained it at least 20 times. Neighbors are always trying to get me to talk to them. One guy in particular is nice and everything, but he seems to get upset when I don’t say hi to him. I don’t even think to say hi to people, I keep to myself. Socializing isn’t something I really think about. I just like to go about my day doing what I need to do, and feel like these people just keep “interrupting”. I shouldn’t even have to explain myself, but people won’t let it go and I feel forced into talking to them.

My advice is if you see someone who is by themselves or seem absorbed in what they’re doing, think about the fact that they may have autism. If they don’t seem like they want to talk, don’t force it. If they want to talk, they will. It should be voluntary.

What is going on?

I’m saddened to read two news articles about two people with Asperger’s who were shot and killed by police in Mesa, Arizona. Here’s the first article, and the second. Now, they shouldn’t have had knives, but when you’re having a mental health crisis, you can’t really think clearly. This article sums up most of my feelings about it. I had a mental health crisis last year and the police were called, what if they had shot and killed me?

“People experiencing mental health crises deserve better. Nobody should have to worry that when they call police to respond to a suicide crisis, the police will kill the person that they are supposed to be helping. Police departments and other public health and safety workers must be trained to understand that people experiencing mental health crises are typically not threats to others and should be treated with care instead of violence. Mental health providers must also be educated on the vital importance of transition-related health care, including for those on the autism spectrum and other disabilities.”

RIP Danielle and Kayden.

My thoughts on autism

As some of you may know (or don’t) I’m on the autistic spectrum. I was diagnosed in my teens. When I was a kid, doctors couldn’t figure out why I had limited social skills, sensory issues, etc. Because of this, I wasn’t provided with the therapy I needed. I often wonder if I would be better if they had diagnosed me sooner.

There are a few things that bother me about autism. One is that the main focus seems to be on autistic children, and not autistic adults. While I think it’s important for children with autism to get the help and support they need, adults need that too. After all, the children with autism will grow up to become autistic adults.

I’m in a Facebook group for adults with Asperger’s, and a majority of the people there have said they would not want a cure if one was ever discovered. Personally, I would take the cure in a heartbeat. They say autism/Asperger’s is a part of who they are and they wouldn’t want to change it. Yes, autism is a part of who I am, but I find it to be a burden. I still have problems socializing, reading body language, hypersensitivity to lights, sounds, touch, and smells. I never really had many friends, probably because of the impaired social skills. I’ve tried to make friends, but it tends to backfire. Most autistics want acceptance, and I do too. It’s really hard to get people to understand what it’s like to be on the spectrum. They really have no idea because they don’t experience it daily.

I wanted to share one of my favorite videos about Asperger’s:

Maybe this video will give you a better understanding of it.

Tired of being treated poorly

Edit: We’re no longer friends again.

My friend and I made up, she admitted to going through some personal things and that wasn’t her talking and she messed up.

Last night there was an apartment cookout and none of them wanted me there. Apparently they don’t like that I don’t talk much, or don’t like me, or whatever. I have a neurological disorder called autism (people should know about this by now with all the autism awareness out there), and it has to do with social impairment and other things. People shouldn’t hate me for that or hold it against me. I’ve been treated like shit my whole life and I’m getting really tired of it. I have other problems as well that are difficult to deal with, but people are just not caring enough to understand and it’s sad. :cry:

I don’t feel I deserve to be treated this way, I’m human too.

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I love this video

I saw this video posted by an Autism Facebook page and wanted to share. Here is some more information on the video.

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