I received a lease renewal notice, and it’s going up $100/month. I really don’t want to renew, but I haven’t been able to find anything else that will work. Most of the places I’ve looked up have a lot of break-ins and bed bug problems. The manager is willing to let me sign a 6-month lease instead of a year, so that’s what I’m going to have to do since there’s no time to find anything when I haven’t had luck anyway. My current lease is up July 31st. I also had to get renter’s insurance because it’s now required. During the 6-month lease, I’m going to have to figure something else out because it’s getting too expensive to live here and I’ve experienced way too many problems here the past 5 years (rodent and bug infestations, leaks, water is being shut off for repairs too much, nosey neighbors always trying to pry into my business/cause drama, air conditioning isn’t that great).
I also received an e-mail from the cable company saying they are capping internet usage at 1TB/month and if you go over that, you have to pay more. I don’t use that much, but still. There aren’t really any other options because they have a monopoly in this area. Hopefully, I won’t have to worry about it much.
I’ve never been good with people because of my autism, and I really don’t like when people put me on the spot or expect me to do things I’m not comfortable doing. There’s this young couple who lives 2 doors down from me and the guy’s mother is staying with them, and the father occasionally comes by and apparently, the son doesn’t want him to. Sometimes when I start to come outside for a cigarette, the father is sitting in my chair (which isn’t a big deal, but he can’t seem to leave me alone). He keeps asking me to do things that I’m not comfortable doing (knocking on his son and girlfriend’s door). I don’t know them and they don’t know me. The son tends to ignore the father’s efforts to contact him because I guess they don’t get along. The father keeps thanking me for doing these things when I don’t do them, I just say yeah ok when I really should say no. I just feel bad because it’s a sad situation all around. I just don’t want to get involved because it’s not my place to act as a mediator between father and son. I’m just going to have to say no and hope he doesn’t get too upset. I’m really not good with people and forced interaction. I just like to keep to myself honestly.
Today my apartment complex held a pool party with a DJ, food, drinks, and raffles for $100 gift cards. I wish I could have gone, but there were several reasons why I couldn’t. The reasons were this itchy skin condition, the heat, and feeling wiped out because my back flared up this morning. I always miss out on fun stuff. I used to be able to go to a lot of different things (I had a car then and don’t now, so that also makes it hard) when I was in my 20’s, but once I hit my 30’s, my physical and mental health have deteriorated. I miss being able to do a lot of things, it sucks getting older. Whenever I do miss something I wanted to go to, I feel pretty crappy about it for a day or two especially when other people tell me how much fun it was. At the end of the day, I just have to be okay with my decision not to go to some things if it would negatively affect my health.
Is anyone else on the spectrum annoyed about this fidget toy trend? I don’t even own one myself. Something that’s used to help people with autism, anxiety, ADHD, etc. is now some huge fad. I saw this article and would have to agree.
“Mum, it’s like everyone wants to be autistic like me now!” my 8-year-old daughter announced as she came out of school on Monday.
She was referring to the latest “craze” for the fidget spinner in her school (and it seems every other school in the country). Suddenly it was “cool” to want to fidget, and if you didn’t have the must-have fidget toy, you were somehow the odd one out.
It did somewhat amuse me to think that after an entire month of autism awareness all it actually took to make autism “cool” was a little handheld plastic and metal spinner!
I was considering a fidget cube awhile back, but never actually got one. I don’t exactly want to jump on this trend now.
This allergic reaction is still going on, despite stopping a certain medication that may have been the cause. It may take awhile for it to leave my system. The doctor prescribed another round of steroids. She keeps saying it’s something I’m eating or using. I’ve only ever had allergic reactions to medications, nothing else. I know exactly what I’m eating and using and was eating and using these things with no problems a month ago but she won’t listen to me. She’s going to have to refer me to someone who can help me with finding the cause if it isn’t that medication. I need to allow some more time to see if it clears up and stay off that medication permanently. It’s just really frustrating because being red and itchy is not fun.
As far as therapy goes, I’ve decided not to do it at this time. I was really put off by the last therapist’s behavior, and I can’t seem to find another one I connect with. Honestly, I’ve only had 2 good therapists. The only reason why I’m not seeing them anymore is because they left to take a job elsewhere. I also want to cut back on appointments since the transportation services are a nightmare half the time. Last week I had a doctor appointment and was left stuck outside after they closed waiting for someone to show up for an hour and a half. When I complain, all I get is a half-assed apology. If only I had the money to reinstate my license and get a car.
Update: A new therapist called and he seemed kind of rude. I get really flustered on the phone because of anxiety and agreed to an appointment I didn’t really want. I called this morning to cancel. I’m just not having much luck with therapists and am getting too frustrated at this point, so I don’t really want therapy right now.
I saw my psychiatrist on Tuesday, he took me off one medication because it wasn’t helping and prescribed something to help me sleep. It worked for one night so far. I miss the nights years ago when I could sleep normally. I think it’s related to my mental health and I have been going to therapy. I will have to switch to a different therapist because he kept bringing up sexual things and asking questions that I didn’t think were appropriate. I told him to stop making these comments and he made it seem like it was my fault because “everyone else talks about it”. I’m not really concerned with what “everyone else” is talking about, I’m not “everyone else”. It’s one thing if I brought it up, but I didn’t. It seemed like he was trying to make me feel bad about it. I asked a couple of people what they thought, and they thought he was out of line. He didn’t seem to like that I didn’t think his comments were appropriate and I want to see someone else. Oh well, I have every right to switch if I’m not comfortable.
Yesterday the regular doctor said the allergic reaction appears to be gone now but it could come back. She told me to pay attention to what I’m using (I haven’t changed anything). My skin has been really dry and it usually isn’t. I’ll have to wait and see what happens and go from there.
Anyway, I got a Snapchat finally. I know I’m really behind but it took me some time to get the hang of it. My Snapcode is on the sidebar.
On Tuesday I went to get the ultrasounds to check out the breast lumps, they turned out to be nothing. That was a huge relief. The follow-up appointment with my doctor is on Thursday. There are still several concerns that need to be brought up. I wish they had the time to get through it all so I don’t have to keep going back there multiple times. My back pain and stomach problems haven’t been addressed yet. I guess I’ll have to just keep going in until everything has been dealt with. I was seeing a crappy doctor before who wasn’t doing anything about the problems and they just got worse. They also did bloodwork, and only had the results for one thing which was my blood sugar. They said it was a little high but I’m not considered diabetic. I’m just tired of running to all these appointments but things need to be checked out. I’ve been really worn out because of my insomnia and not getting much sleep.
It’s Easter and I don’t have any plans as usual since the family is in Pennsylvania. I just want to relax honestly.
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This blog is about female related issues, so I’m putting it behind a cut.
I was going to put a new theme up, but I caught this horrible cold/flu virus thing that has been going around. Last Monday it started with a bad cough and got worse from there. I could hardly eat anything for several days and back pain was severe. It was hard to rest because of my insomnia. I’m finally feeling better and am trying to get caught up on things. I’m not sure when I’ll get to the theme.
Last Tuesday I saw a new doctor. She, unfortunately, didn’t have time to go over all the health problems I’ve been having. I did have an infection she prescribed me antibiotics for. I was supposed to go in today for bloodwork and to get urine test results, but the transportation service showed up an hour and 20 minutes late so I wasn’t able to make it. I had a similar problem with my last appointment. The cab called me, hung up on me, and drove off. I had to wait for another one to come and get me which took awhile and made me late. I had to reschedule today’s appointment for this Friday and chose a different company for transportation. I hope this one shows up on time. Unfortunately all the trouble I got into in 2015 with my arrest, I lost my license and vehicle so it’s been a huge pain to have to rely on these companies who can’t show up on time because it makes me look bad.
I have therapy on the 6th and I’m looking forward to that to talk about all my frustrations.
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I know I just blogged, but something happened that was really bothersome to me. Someone stole the patio chair outside my apartment last night and threw it in the dumpster. It’s not so much about the chair, but the fact that someone was taking something outside my apartment late at night while I was asleep. When I woke up this morning, I started to head out to take out the trash and noticed the chair was gone. As I was taking out the trash, I looked in the empty dumpster out of curiosity and there it was. I sent an email to the office about it, and they offered to have maintenance get the chair back for me which was really nice. I had to leave for an appointment and the chair was back in its place when I got home. I have a pretty good idea who did it, but without proof, neither I nor the office can do anything. The guy next door absolutely hates smokers, so it wouldn’t surprise me if it was him. What he doesn’t realize is, I’ve been under a lot of stress and was smoking/vaping a bit more than usual. He would stand in his doorway and stare at me which made me uncomfortable. I keep trying to quit so I don’t have to deal with stuff like this, but it’s just so difficult especially with what’s been going on. I think he waited until I went to bed (it was late) to do it to minimize the risk of him being seen. He could have just discussed it with me instead of doing that. I will be bringing in the chair as well as the doormat (just in case) before I go to bed so there’s nothing out there for him to mess with.
I’m just afraid that this will escalate, but if it does, I’ll have to contact the police.
Pest control came Thursday and everything was ok. I didn’t need a follow-up treatment and was told I could put everything back. I spent the weekend moving the furniture back, putting all the other stuff back, cleaning, and doing laundry. That was such a pain having to move everything out of closets and cupboards then moving it all back.
I see a new doctor next week, I have a list of concerns about my back, stomach, my now swollen foot, and a few other things. I don’t know why my foot is swollen when I haven’t done anything to it. It’s all a bit worrying. I’m sure a lot of these problems may be related to all the weight gain from medications. I really need to get more exercise, but unfortunately, the gym here is under construction. It’s also been really hot here and is supposed to go up to 90+ degree temperatures. The apartment complex manager still hasn’t turned on the air conditioning (this place has an old system where you can only either have heat or air conditioning, not both). They said that the temperatures were too low at night (they aren’t) and it’s going to take awhile to get the chiller systems up and running. It’s not supposed to be on until the 20th. My apartment gets so hot during the day that it’s almost unbearable. I have several fans going and it doesn’t help much. I really don’t understand why they think it’s too cold at night. If people are cold, can’t they just put on a sweater? I may have to complain to the city because 94 degrees is too hot to be without air conditioning.
My anxiety has been horrible lately and the only thing that seems to help is by distracting myself by binge watching movies and TV shows on Netflix.
Some of the good movies and TV shows I’ve watched lately:
- Stranger Things
- The OA
- Degrassi Next Class
- Fuller House
- Finding Dory
- The Lazarus Project
Unfortunately, I’ll be waiting awhile for new seasons. There are more to watch, though. At least I found a way to keep my mind off of things even if it’s only for a little while.
I received a 5-day eviction notice on my door this morning for non-payment of rent. I was mad because it was paid a week ago. I took the notice and went down to the office to see why I even received the notice. They couldn’t seem to find the payment and had to try to track it down. They finally did find it and it was in fact paid. I have lived here for 4 years, the rent has never once been late or not paid. Since this place was bought out, there is all new staff. Either way, they should have actually checked to see if it was paid before putting out that notice. The notice also includes late fees which I’m not paying because the rent was paid on time. If that wasn’t bad enough, the constant noise of the construction work day in and day out of this place has been leaving me with a lot of headaches and stress. Other people who live here are sick of it too. One neighbor said she used to like it here but with all these workers new management hired, the noise is just too much and she doesn’t like it here much anymore. I’m sure a lot of people are going to be moving out when their leases are up, some already have.
My mental health clinic has really been getting on my nerves too. My case manager never has time to even call me back, so peer support called me. I don’t really like her. She called me last Friday morning saying she wanted to do a home visit in an hour. I said no, an hour is not enough notice for me. So then she came in the afternoon. As soon as she got here, she ran straight to my bathroom. After that, she wanted to leave. She didn’t remember anything we discussed that day and told me things she was going to do that she never did. She doesn’t understand my autism or why I need advanced notice of things, and why I have difficulty with some things. She just doesn’t listen or remember anything I say. I hung up on her out of frustration. I’m just really stressed out and tired because I’m having trouble sleeping again. I wish I could just catch a break.
Anyway, I got this at Barnes & Noble to get my thoughts and feelings out. I still use the worry journal but this is for everything else.
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