Dating and being childfree

Dating is very difficult when you’re childfree, at least for me anyway. If a guy already has kids or wants them, that is a definite deal breaker for me. I’ve known from a young age that I never wanted to have kids, and I still don’t. My mind is not going to change because I honestly have no desire to be a mother, I also don’t really get along with kids well.

It seems like most guys wants kids, or already have them. One of my ex boyfriends really wanted kids, even though I told him from the start that I didn’t. We dated for about a year, and he started to bug me about kids. I told him that I didn’t want them and he knew this before we started dating. I ended up terminating the relationship, but that wasn’t my only reason. Later on I found out that he had two kids with another woman.

What I don’t understand is, if you truly want kids, why date someone who doesn’t? I guess they think my mind will change, but I can say with 100% certainty that it will not. I would honestly rather remain single than have kids that I don’t want to make someone else happy. I’ve tried the whole online dating thing, and that hasn’t worked out either. I could date a guy that wanted kids later on, but I don’t see the point because the relationship wouldn’t work out. I’m a serious relationship type of girl, so I’m not really into having flings because I’m getting older and would like to get married. I also don’t want an actual wedding either, but a civil ceremony. I’ve never been into fancy dresses and huge celebrations, I’m also not religious.

Hopefully there is a guy out there somewhere for me that feels the same way about all of this.

So I renewed this domain after all

I wasn’t going to, but I kept getting e-mail warnings about it expiring soon. I figured once it expires, I probably won’t be able to get it back. I’ve had this domain for four years, I just can’t let it go so I sucked it up and paid the renewal (with an excellent coupon). I put the other domain on eBay to see if I can sell it and get rid of it.

I have some ideas for a new theme (although this hasn’t been up long), but I have too much homework this week. I contacted my advisor to see if I could take a break before my new classes start, but no response yet. It sucks that a break has to be approved by the school when other schools give students time off. Once classes are over, the next ones start the next day. I’m so tired of homework! It’s constant.


I’ve been hearing about Pintrest and finally decided to create an account. I requested an invite and got one rather quickly. At first, I didn’t really understand what the hell it even was, but now I’m a bit addicted to it. It’s a bit pointless, but I’ve seen some interesting things posted there and it’s a good late night boredom killer for me. It’s basically a virtual pinboard to share your interests, for those who aren’t familiar with it.

My Thoughts on James Leaving TDWP

I read today that James Baney is leaving The Devil Wears Prada. Honestly, I’m a bit saddened by this news. I’m glad I had the chance to see him play recently on the Dead Throne tour. I’m also glad I got to meet him a few times on a few tours, and he was always so friendly and seemed to really care about the fans. It was really nice of him to spend the time that he did talking with me when he didn’t have to. I don’t know of the real reason of his departure, but I imagine touring so much can be really tough and I can’t blame him for wanting to move on and spend time with his new wife. I wish him luck in the future. I just want to say thanks for everything you’ve done in the band and for the memories.

I live in such an annoying neighborhood

I was up until around 6 in the morning because of a dog howling loudly outside. It was right outside my window, and it went on for hours. I don’t understand how people can leave a dog outside all night in the cold like that either. I haven’t been feeling well lately, and have been having some back pain. It’s hard to get any sleep at all around here with all the noise. Tonight my back started acting up again so I tried to take a nap, but the very loud music from across the street preventing me from doing so. There are of course several dogs barking, and police sirens to go along with it all. There’s also this crazy guy that races up and down this street at really high speeds (it’s only 25mph through here) with his tires screeching and everything. This is not good because there are so many joggers, skateboarders, and bikers out and someone could get hurt. He’ll eventually get caught since police like to watch this area for speeders.

That’s not all. There are also noisy kids that ride their bikes and play on the street, and this makes it difficult for cars to get in and out. I don’t know why the parents aren’t keeping an eye on them, or better yet, they should be taking them to the park a block over. The HOA is also ridiculous. They have actually sent notices in the mail to people who park their cars on the street. How stupid is that? What are people supposed to do when they have company and the driveway/garage is full? I’m hoping I can get out of this lame suburb this year or the next. I can honestly say I have never lived in such a noisy neighborhood like this. %-(

Not happy with Target right now

I ordered a top online through Target, since it said it was only available online. The shipping took so long I actually forgot about it until I got it today. It doesn’t fit, and that’s the largest size they had. It was an XL, and it looked like something suited for a size 0, not something I would expect from an XL. It’s just sad how tiny sizes are now.

There was no sizing chart on Target’s website, so I had to take a chance. I was at least able to take it back to the store to return it instead of having to pay to ship it back, but they wouldn’t refund me. All they gave me was a Target gift card, so I had to walk around the store to try to find something to buy. I ended up having to kick in some of my own money which I wasn’t happy about either. I don’t get why I couldn’t just get my money back, yes I did open the package but how else was I supposed to know how it would fit if I didn’t try it on? Target, put a damn sizing chart on your website, it will save your customers a lot of hassle.


I’m pretty annoyed that my web design instructor gave me a lousy grade on an assignment. He said I inserted the images incorrectly. Yes, I did, because I figured he would complain that they wouldn’t show up. I know how to insert an image. This class is so damn basic that it’s confusing me. I feel insulted that he thinks I’m too stupid to insert and image when I’ve had my own websites since I was a teenager. This degree has been nothing but a waste, I can’t wait until I’m done. All of you employers out there, you really shouldn’t have a degree as a requirement for a web design job. There are people that can design websites without degrees.

I guess I wasn’t fully aware of what I was getting myself into when I signed up for school (I mostly went because of pressures from family, and I thought I might learn something new). So far, I haven’t learned a whole lot. I think the only thing I will get out of this degree is a large amount of student loan debt. My advice to anyone considering school for any concentration, is to really think it through, especially the particular college you want to attend.

I’m happy about this

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Phoenix Zoo

Yesterday I went to the Phoenix Zoo, it was my first full experience there (last year I went but had to leave early because the guy I was dating at the time had a seizure and I had to take him home). I was there for about 5 hours, and I still don’t think I got to see everything. I had to hurry toward the end because it was closing. I took some pictures with my phone (the photos were re-sized and color/contrast was edited in Photoshop):

[nggallery id=Zoo]

Unfortunately I don’t remember what some of the animal(s) were in some of the pictures. There was a lot to see and do, I will probably go back again sometime when I have more time to see everything. I really liked the Safari Train, it was a 25 minute ride around the zoo with information on the animals we passed by. I also enjoyed the desert trail where I saw some interesting rocks and cacti.


I have been feeling blah lately, I think it’s because of a new medication the doctor gave me. I’ve been on it for only a week so I want to give it more of a chance. If I’m still feeling blah next week, I’m calling the doctor. I’m also worried about losing some of my medical coverage because I’m a student. They requested that I send in what I get for financial aid and cost of tuition. I’m waiting to hear back from them. I’ll be upset if I lose some medical coverage because I get grants to help pay for school (that are all used for classes and books). If I do lose it, I still have a backup but I will have to find new doctors and the costs will go up a lot.

The other night I went to see Impending Doom because I won’t be going to the Metal Alliance Tour or Warped Tour. It was fun and not very crowded which was good. I saw the lineup for the Mayhem Festival, it has a few of my favorite bands but I can’t go. Outdoor festivals in 115 degree heat are just not for me. I will wait for smaller tours at indoor venues. I remember in 2010 I went to Warped Tour, I basically spent $35 to hang out in the bathroom to get out of the sun and splash cold water on my face. I had to leave after 2 hours because I got sick from the heat. It’s just not worth it. Summers here are absolutely brutal. #:-S


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It’s all just too much

Edit: To make matters worse, she tried to steal my car last night when I was asleep. My mom stopped her before she could finish backing out of the driveway.

I have mentioned how bad my home life is before on my old domain (I don’t know if anyone even reads these things anyway) but everything has gotten much worse. Here’s a bit of a backstory.

My sister has some serious mental issues as well as a heroin problem. Almost every day in this house is a nightmare. She screams, slams doors, calls all of us names, and steals whatever she can get her hands on. Unfortunately, because of my limited income, I can’t just go get an apartment. It has to be income based, which have waiting lists. I really hope one is available so I can move this year or the next.

My parents have done nothing but try to help my sister, but my dad keeps handing her money which is not the right thing to do for a drug addict. My mom has taken her to a psychiatrist and got her on medication to try to help her get off of the drugs, which my mom has to pay for out of pocket (very expensive). It seems obvious to me that she’s still on drugs by her behavior. Some nights I have been in tears because of how horribly she treats all of us. My dad got so angry at her screaming at him that he looked like he was going to hit her. My dad refuses to kick her out because he feels bad for her. My mom believes in tough love and her and dad get into arguments about this all the time. He says he can’t just put her out on the street because she’s his daughter. What he doesn’t realize is, he’s not doing her any favors by allowing her to stay here and give her money. This gives her no incentive to change. We wonder if she ever will, because when we moved out here to Arizona, we left her behind in Pennsylvania. She lived on the streets for a year, and my parents allowed her to come here to stay with us because she said she’d change. She hasn’t.

She lives like one of those people you see on that show Hoarders, piles of stuff everywhere including rotting food. She has burnt holes and stained the brand new carpet in her bedroom. She just doesn’t care. Her boyfriend (who she breaks up with and gets back together with every week which is even more drama), is also a problem. He was basically living in our house for months and sneaking in her bedroom window until my dad told him he’d call the police because he didn’t want him in this house. I don’t think she has any business driving either, because she keeps getting ticket after ticket and ignores them. Debt collectors keep calling because of a medical bill she can’t pay and refuses to try to work something out. She can’t keep a job because she won’t show up. She only has two things on her mind: boyfriend and drugs.

Fast forward to tonight, a police officer showed up at our door asking for her and her boyfriend. I was outside and told him they weren’t home and didn’t know where they were. He said she was walking around Walmart for 3 hours acting very suspicious. A woman claimed she stole her wallet and ran. The cop asked her if he could search her, and she declined. He couldn’t do it because he was the only cop and I guess another cop would have to be there to witness it or something. He also asked her to show him her arms which she also refused. You can tell by looking at her she has a drug problem, and she of course didn’t want to show him the needle marks on her arms. The cop unfortunately said he had no proof that she stole the wallet, but had a strong suspicion that she did. He said if he had the proof he definitely would have arrested her. We all provided the cop with her history and he took her license plate number down and had her boyfriend’s as well. He gave us his number to call and told us to call 911 if she starts to scream and disrupt the house again. The cop said he wanted to do what he could to help us because he has a sister that has a drug problem and knows what we’re going through.

I really hope all this stuff catches up to her and she goes to jail. I think that is the only thing that will help her. We were telling the cop that back in Pennsylvania, she was transporting heroin with other people in her car and only got off with a paraphernalia charge. He thought that was crazy and said they are tougher out here. I think jail is what she needs. She’s gone far too long without punishment for all the stealing, harassment, and fraud she’s committed. It just makes me sick and embarrassed that I’m even related to someone like this. My mom is trying to get an apartment back in Pennsylvania because she can’t take it anymore. I wish my dad would stop allowing her to stay here because as long as she does, nothing will change. :-<

New year, new domain

You might be wondering why I got a new domain after having for so long. The main reason was cost. GoDaddy wanted $70 to renew it, and I think that’s too much. I used to be able to renew for one year which was much cheaper, but I guess they don’t allow that anymore. I also didn’t care for GoDaddy and couldn’t transfer to a new registrar because of something with .nu’s not being transferable (or something like that). will redirect here until it expires in April.

I apologize for not doing much of anything with my site, but the last class I was in was very stressful and time consuming. I’m also under a lot of stress and didn’t feel like bothering with it. As you can see, I removed all my old blog entries and redid the pages. If you had an account or were subscribed to e-mail updates on the old site, you should still be able to login or receive e-mail alerts.

I now have a new portfolio site and Deviantart account with free resources (you can find those links at the top navigation bar). I’m also offering domain and subdomain hosting for small blogs, information on that can be found in the domain section. I may consider hosting a different type of site as long as it’s small, but it would depend on what it’s about.

There’s not much new going on with me, other than I started new classes.