People just don’t get it

I get tired of having to explain myself to people. Most people I encounter think I’m just being “shy”. I also don’t know why these people practically force me to talk to them. 85% of the time, I want to be left alone. You’d think that would be obvious? I’d think that more people would be aware of autism by now, but apparently not. When I was forced to do that substance abuse treatment by the judge, none of the people there understood even though I explained it at least 20 times. Neighbors are always trying to get me to talk to them. One guy in particular is nice and everything, but he seems to get upset when I don’t say hi to him. I don’t even think to say hi to people, I keep to myself. Socializing isn’t something I really think about. I just like to go about my day doing what I need to do, and feel like these people just keep “interrupting”. I shouldn’t even have to explain myself, but people won’t let it go and I feel forced into talking to them.

My advice is if you see someone who is by themselves or seem absorbed in what they’re doing, think about the fact that they may have autism. If they don’t seem like they want to talk, don’t force it. If they want to talk, they will. It should be voluntary.

Moving on August 15th

Yesterday, I had a talk with the manager about transferring to a different apartment. I will be moving to a different building in August. I can’t move sooner because I was only given 2 apartments to choose from. There is a couple living in the apartment I’m moving to, and they won’t be moving out until the end of July. I just can’t deal with the rodents anymore. I’m also tired of the exterminator coming every week. Every Tuesday, I have to stay home and wait for him to show up. There are other things I need to be doing than waiting around. When I move to the new apartment, hopefully I won’t have to deal with rodents or an exterminator coming over all the time. It’s going to be a lot of work to move, but the rodents are forcing me out. I just want to live normally without having to think of keeping everything put away or hidden so they don’t get chewed up or eaten. I hope they’ll be tearing up the kitchen to find out the source of the problem so whoever moves in here after me doesn’t have to deal with it.

On an unrelated note, I have made changes to the hosting page. I’m still offering free hosting, but I have added paid options as well.

I don’t think I’ll be selling on eBay anymore

Last night an auction ended for an item I was selling. The buyer paid and started making demands. He demanded that I ship immediately and through a different carrier than what was listed. I chose UPS because they actually come and pick up packages on time, when USPS does not. The listing stated it would be shipped via UPS, and I couldn’t ship to his PO box. I told him this, that the listing stated ship time and what service, and that I knew that I could not ship to his PO box via UPS as stated in the listing. I cancelled the order and refunded him. He seemed really mad and left me negative feedback claiming there was no communication (there was). I offered free shipping, so I was the one who would have had to pay for it, not him. If he didn’t agree to the shipping, or knew it was being shipped via UPS that I wouldn’t be able to ship to a PO box, he should not have bid. There was an option on eBay to report him for telling me to ship other than what was on the listing, so I did. I doubt anything will come of it, but my 100% positive feedback took a dive because he didn’t read the listing.

I ended up giving the next highest bidder a second chance offer, and he bought it. I really hope this guy doesn’t cause any problems, but with eBay and unreasonable buyers, who knows.

Moving to a different apartment in August

Unfortunately, the issues just keep going on. The rats will not go away, and there’s a bed bug situation in the area. The neighbors are doing things they shouldn’t be doing (dumpster diving) and aren’t learning. Unfortunately, they have to be caught doing it before anything can be done about it. The exterminator determined that they’re coming from upstairs. I saw the people upstairs haul a mattress out a few months ago. That does not get rid of bed bugs. They should have reported them right away, as it states in the lease. The exterminator is doing an inspection of their apartment as well as 2 others around me.

There’s an apartment in a certain building that I’m interested in, but someone is living there right now and they won’t be moving out until the end of July. After they move out, the apartment will have to be cleaned and painted. I have to go to the office on Monday to sign the paperwork. It sucks that the rent will be going up by $60 a month, but there’s no way out of that. I still have to wait until I’m next on the list for subsidized housing and that could take years. I didn’t want to move right away because I need time to figure out how and where I’m going to get enough boxes to pack everything. I really don’t want to go to all the trouble of moving, but I don’t want the rats to destroy any more of my furniture. I think once I get out of this particular apartment and away from all these issues, I’ll start feeling better.

Emergency at the clinic today

Normally I post happenings at the clinic on sometimes.blue, but this I decided to post here. I had a therapy appointment today, and it went well. I was waiting in the lobby for a cab home when things took a turn for the worse. First there was a lot of whispering, then someone shouted “call 911” and then there was a “code yellow” alert over the loudspeaker and a lady said to hurry and come with her. Everyone was running out the back of the building. A code yellow means someone on the premises has a weapon. My case manager and a few people were trying to keep me calm because I started to go into a panic attack. They were all saying this was a drill, but clearly it was not because cops were everywhere and a woman was arrested. Very scary situation. I don’t know if this will be on the news or not because terrible things happen in Phoenix all the time. This was probably more of a mental health issue than a criminal one, but I don’t know any more details. I’ll update this if I hear any more.

Another bed bug situation

Last year, I got bed bugs really bad. I have never had them in my life. Seems funny to me that after a new guy moved in who was bringing in used furniture from the dumpster got them and then I did. Of course the apartment manager didn’t accept this reason and blamed it on me. I was forced to pay over $200 for the treatments which didn’t even get rid of them. Another exterminator had to come in and get rid of them.

Fast forward to now, I’ve been seeing a few of them here and there in the bathroom sink. I notified the manager because I’m required to do that as per my lease. I told her that if they’re being found in the bathroom, they’re probably coming from another apartment. She said that that was plausible, but is probably residual activity, again blaming it on me. Well, the exterminator came yesterday, found no bed bug activity in my apartment, and determined they were coming from another apartment. I got an e-mail from the manager saying that no activity was found in my apartment and that an inspection will be done next Tuesday on neighboring apartments. No apology or anything. I hope they find out who it is because if they’re not reporting the problem to the manager, they’ll get in serious trouble. I don’t know how they’re going to be able to properly inspect the lady next door. I’ve been in her apartment, and there is so much stuff that you can barely walk in there. She can’t even sleep in the bedroom because it is literally full of boxes. Hopefully something is done about this whole situation.

Tried local buy & sell apps, scammers galore

I downloaded OfferUp and LetGo, local buying and selling apps. They’re nice apps, but they are really lacking in security as far as people who aren’t who they say they are or are trying to scam people. Yesterday, a lady who had a high rating on OfferUp messaged me saying she was interested in an item I was selling and wanted to meet. I told her where to meet me and she asked if I’d be ready in 30 minutes. I said yes. She ended up not showing up, and never replied to my message. Today, the messages disappeared and so did her profile. I felt stupid waiting for her, I thought that since she had a good rating, then she was legit. Today, a guy messaged me on LetGo interested in the item, and he seemed really off. Then he said he was going to send a certified check because of his work schedule. I knew right away that this was a scam, and he then suddenly deleted his account. OfferUp has a verification option to scan your driver’s license, but it’s optional. I think things like that should be mandatory to stop the scammers. Both apps give the option to report a user for scamming or not showing up, but that doesn’t do any good when they delete their accounts. There are many complaints of scammers in the reviews of the apps in the Play Store.

I don’t really like selling on eBay, because I’ve been scammed in the past. Years ago, I was selling a Bible cover brand new with tags because it was the wrong size. A lady bought it, I shipped it, and when she got it she messaged me a picture of what I’m not certain even was the actual Bible cover, covered in ink stains. I knew for a fact that it did not have ink stains when I sent it to her. I told her to send it back for a refund, but she refused and opened an eBay case against me. She was still refusing to return it, so I ended up just refunding her to get her to stop bothering me. Then she left me a negative saying I didn’t refund the shipping when I did. I had to block her so she couldn’t bid on any of my items again.

Worried about my dad

I was talking to my mom on the phone today and she told me he’s not doing well. He’s being sent to an endocrinologist and a heart doctor. He has Diabetes really bad and has heart disease. His blood sugar keeps dropping too much and he had a quadruple bypass when I was still in high school, so I’m really worried. He’s so stubborn so he tends to not go to doctors and do what he’s supposed to. My mom said she doesn’t know when he’ll be seeing these doctors. Please keep him in your prayers and thoughts. If anything happens to him (or my mom) I will definitely need to see a grief counselor. I don’t know if I’d mentally be able to handle it.

I really hate to do this

I have a GoFundMe set up because according to Verizon now, I still owe on the phone that was stolen. I was making monthly payments on the phone and I was still paying on it. I hate to ask for help with this, but I really can’t afford to pay the $208 I owe on it all at once. I had to enter another payment agreement to get a new phone (that I received on Monday). The $208 will be added to my next bill which is due on June 7th. If anyone can donate even a little bit, it will help lower the bill. In return, I can offer free hosting and a permanent link to your site on here. I’m just at a loss about what to do here. I was going to keep the phone until it was paid off, but some asshole stole it and Verizon doesn’t seem to care.

I might get bad feedback from this, but I’ve seen GoFundMe pages set up for worse things.

My phone was stolen yesterday

I am so devastated. Yesterday I had a therapy appointment, and because of the amount of stress I’m under and lack of sleep due to insomnia, my phone fell out of my bag in the cab. They created a lost and found claim and said they’d e-mail me, but I haven’t heard anything. Nobody has been honest enough to return it to me. It’s highly unlikely that I’ll get it back. When I first talked to Verizon, they said I couldn’t get a new phone without paying the balance I owed on the one that got stolen. A few hours after that, mysteriously, when I added a new phone to my cart and checked out, the balance on the old phone disappeared and they only charged me a $20 upgrade fee. Maybe they realized how upset I was and decided to help me out after all. Unfortunately, it won’t arrive until Monday. I have a doctor appointment then so I guess the doctor’s office will have to call me a cab.

This whole situation sucks. I’ve never lost a phone, ever. I’m having to use Skype to call my mom, I tried to call the clinic but they wouldn’t accept the call. So really the only way people can contact me right now is by e-mail. I am mad about whoever took the phone, and I’m also concerned about all my personal information that’s in there. I changed the passwords to my e-mail, social media accounts, and bank account. If I didn’t do that, then whoever has it could just open the apps and access all my accounts. I also suspended my service so whoever has it can’t use my account to call and text. It’s just one thing after another.

I’m pretty mad right now, I need to vent

Out of the blue, I received a text from the woman I used to be friends with that I cut out of my life because of how she treated me. She said “what, you don’t talk to me anymore?” I was like no, not anymore after how you’ve been treating me. The last time we spoke, she said she was never really my friend. That was the last straw for me. She says she can’t remember saying that. How convenient, I remember it clear as day. All she had done was accuse me of messing around with her boyfriend (who I have absolutely no interest in), lie to me, and use me. At least 90% of the things she’d talk to me about were complaints about said boyfriend. I think she did the right thing leaving him, she would always complain about how horrible he was to her. The only reason she wants to get back with him is because she doesn’t like where she’s living now. I really don’t know why she would want to get back with him, doesn’t make any sense to me. She left a voicemail trying to make me feel bad for her, which is what she often does. She just started talking to me like nothing even happened. She has a very unhealthy obsession with him, and it affected our friendship. All this time, I was just being too nice and kept forgiving her when she didn’t deserve it. I’m not going to play her games anymore. I had to block her number again because Verizon’s blocks only last for 90 days, and the block expired. Since she was blocked for that long, I really don’t know why she would still be trying to contact me. If this doesn’t stop, I’ll have to go the legal route to get her to stop bothering me because she just won’t listen.

It’s finally over

Some of you may have been wondering what has been going on as far as the court stuff, but today was my last court date and everything is public record now, so it’s ok to talk about it. I want to start off by saying that if I find any rude comments they’ll be deleted, I already feel bad enough about the whole thing.

On August 6, 2015, I was arrested for DUI/DWI and 2 counts of hit and run, as well as several traffic violations. I had become addicted to my prescription Klonopin and was abusing it. I would be so out of it that I didn’t know what I was saying and doing. I don’t know why I got in the car that day, I honestly felt fine. I ended up in another city not too far from here, and rear-ended a guy. I panicked and drove off. Shortly after that, the police were behind me so I pulled into a gas station and got out. They were asking me questions like “why didn’t you stop?”, all I could say in response was that I was scared. The police ended up getting my insurance information to give to the guy I hit, then read me my rights, handcuffed me, and took me to the jail. My car was also towed to the impound lot. At the jail, they had me do those field sobriety tests and I failed miserably. They took my license and said it would be suspended for 90 days, and gave me a temporary license. Then they had a nurse take my blood. After all that, they gave me paperwork stating when I had to appear in court and let me go. Later I found out that I had admitted everything to the police later on when I received the police report.

When I got to court, it was for my arraignment. The judge read me the charges and said for the DUI/DWI charges, there would be mandatory jail time. I also filled out an application for a public defender and was approved because I couldn’t afford my own attorney. I had several court dates after that, none of which anything really happened. My public defender wanted to send my case to mental health court because he got all my mental health records. I don’t know if I had to go to at least 5 court dates where nothing happened. A lot of it was waiting for the results of the blood test. A few months ago, I went to mental health court and the judge ordered me to do 16 hours of drug treatment and drug testing. I successfully completed those, then I had a court date for March 15th. At this point, I was presented with a plea agreement by my public defender. For pleading guilty, I got 1 day in jail suspended (meaning I didn’t have to actually serve it), had to be fingerprinted and have a mug shot taken at the police department, and attend a restitution hearing. The DUI/DWI, 2 counts of hit and run were dropped, and I was only charged with reckless driving. I think that because I had no prior criminal record, that that was why I didn’t get sent to jail.

Fast forward to today, 8 months after my arrest, I attended the restitution hearing. The judge said I didn’t owe anything and was free to go. I wish the doctor who prescribed the Klonopin would have noticed that I had a problem, but he didn’t. I didn’t finally admit to him that I had a problem until after I got arrested. I also ended up in a psychiatric hospital for a week because the whole arrest and situation made me have a mental breakdown. While I was in the hospital, they did a blood test and determined that I had overdosed on the Klonopin.

I can’t believe this had been going on for 8 months, I wish they could have come to a resolution a lot sooner. I was under large amounts of stress during that time. I’m glad it’s finally over and I can finally move on. Unfortunately, I couldn’t afford to get my car out of impound, so I left it there. There was also so much damage to my car that I wouldn’t have been able to afford to get it fixed either. My license is still suspended because I owe the MVD an abandoned vehice fee of $600 and would have to pay that to reinstate my license. There was no way I could afford that. I also recently got a traffic survival school order in the mail because of the reckless driving charge. I couldn’t do that either because I can’t afford to go to the school. My license will just have to stay suspended, I just can’t afford everything they’re asking me to do to keep it. I don’t really see the point anyway because I no longer have the car.

It’s much more difficult getting around now, I don’t have the freedom I once had. Even if I did have the money to pay everything and get my license back, it would be a bad idea to drive while I’m on medication. Out here, they don’t care if you’re on prescription drugs, drunk, or street drugs, it’s all treated the same. I wouldn’t want to risk getting another DUI, because for it to happen again, I would definitely go to jail.

Irritated with my card company and other stuff

Update: The card company responded on Twitter, and said they would have someone follow up with me. That never happened, so I made the switch to NetSpend even though I said I wouldn’t, they just offered so much more so I think the fee will be worth it. So long, CARD.com. Pretty sad they couldn’t even respond to me to fix a simple issue.

I also heard back from the Amazon seller, they issued me a refund for the one towel in question.

I’ve had a prepaid debit card for almost a year now. I have been trying for several months to update my email address to no avail. I called support and they told me it couldn’t be done over the phone, and that I would have to email them. I’ve sent several emails over the past few months and they won’t respond. I decided to try to take it to Twitter, and they haven’t responded to me there yet either. I might have to look into a card with someone else. I was looking, and the only one I found that would work for me was an American Express one. I don’t know if everyone takes that, I know my hair salon doesn’t. Years ago I had a card from NetSpend, but canceled it because there’s no way around the monthly fee. With the card I have now, they waived the monthly fee because of my direct deposit. I would also prefer a card with more security, because all they require is an email and password to sign in. When I lost my card one time, it took a full week to receive a new one. When someone stole my debit card number and made unauthorized charges one time, I canceled the card and it took a full week to receive a new card, and they charged me for it. I would prefer a Visa or MasterCard, with security and support who will actually respond.

Another thing I’m irritated about is that I bought a bath towel set from an Amazon seller, and after one use, one of the towels looked like it had been bleached in two areas. It took me awhile to figure out what caused it, and it’s apparently my face wash. It has never stained other towels, so I guess the towel set was not good quality. I emailed the seller and have yet to receive a response. I guess I need to find a different face wash too.

Saw a new doctor today

I didn’t really care for the new doctor I saw today. When he would ask me a question, he would interrupt me when I was in the middle of answering. I just found it really irritating. You can read more about my mental health stuff here.

The legal stuff is still going on, I hope for my sanity that it ends soon, it’s been going on for 7 months now. It’s still in my best interests to keep it quiet for now.

I found a really cool website called Mood Panda, you can rate your happiness on a scale and explain further. If you want to follow me, my profile is here.

Might be moving into a different apartment

I spoke with the assistant manager today and told her I was seriously considering taking up her offer on moving to a different apartment. The exterminator still can’t get rid of the rat problem and it’s highly unlikely that he will. I’m also still having issues with hot water. She told me to check back with her in April because there isn’t an apartment available right now. I will need more time than that, I’d say at least 2-3 months because of everything going on right now. I need more time to get all my ducks in a row. I also would have to weigh the pros and cons of a downstairs apartment versus an upstairs one.

I came down with an awful cold a couple days ago, and it has been making me miserable. Because of the medications I’m on, my options are limited on what type of cold medicine I can take. The one the pharmacist recommended is not helping at all, and I just can’t get any sleep because of the congestion and pressure in my head. I was told to drink water and rest. How do I rest with insomnia? Also, If I lie in bed too long, my back starts killing me. I really hope I get better soon because I can’t even taste any food. :angry:

I was upset that I had to cancel my therapy appointment today, but I just couldn’t go because I’m sick. There are so many things I need to talk about and work through, I hope I’ll be able to get another appointment at a later date.

Finally finished my new project

I’ve been busy lately and will be for the next couple of weeks, but I finally finished my new site, sometimes.blue. It’s a mental health blog. I had one before, but I lost access to the account (it was on Tumblr and is hosted and running WordPress like this one). I would prefer to keep most mental health stuff over there, but I may still talk about it from time to time here. This will always be my main blog.

If any of you have a similar type of blog for mental health, I’d be interested in doing a link exchange.

Mental health update

I know I just blogged, but I wanted to post an update on how my mental health has been lately. I’m currently going through the most stressful time in my life right now, and I think I’m handling it pretty well aside from occasional snappiness at people. I do admit that most days I want to just scream, but I think that’s normal for what I’m dealing with. I think the medications I’m on are working really well (for now). I’m on 300mg of Seroquel, and 20mg of Viibryd. I am experiencing some stomach issues that could be related to the Viibryd (that’s common) but it could also be the stress. I’ve also been walking every day and am taking multivitamins. I think those have really helped with the depression because I don’t think I’m really that depressed. If someone asked me if I was depressed, I’d answer “I don’t know”. Maybe that’s a good thing. Awhile ago I was so depressed that I couldn’t even shower or do anything. I’m back into a routine now, so that obviously is an improvement. I just wish the circumstances were different concerning the ongoing legal stuff and apartment stuff.

Enough is enough

I’ve blogged about this before in the past, but am doing it again because I need to get things off my chest. I’ve had this “friend” for over 2 years who has never treated me that well. She had been dating this really awful guy for that long, and finally ended it with him. Then she jumps right into a new relationship and I guess I was kind of irritated because that really isn’t very sensible so I said something about it. She got really mad as she often does, and accused me of sleeping with her ex boyfriend. Whenever she gets mad, she accuses me of things I didn’t do and have no intention of doing. For some strange reason, she seems obsessed with me doing things with him when I’ve told her I don’t know how many times that I’m not interested in him. A little while ago, she called me screaming that I did something I didn’t do. She said that I was never really her friend and I decided to block her. She even had the audacity to call my mom to try to drag her into it. My mom really doesn’t care about what she has to say and has never liked her.

I’ve given her way more chances than she’s deserved, I’m honestly done. She was never a “friend” because she would ignore me, lie, and make accusations. I have no idea why I’ve kept her in my life as long as I have. She obviously has some sort of issue she needs to work out if she’s lashing out all the time. I’ve been under a lot of stress and really don’t need this in my life.

Contest is closed

I’ve decided to close the contest early. With all the court stuff going on, I haven’t had a lot of time to promote it. I also can’t really spend the money right now. I never got any entries so I think it’s ok to close it. After information I received today, I’m going to be very busy this month and possibly the next. If you want to know exactly what has been going on, you’ll have to either register or sign in to view the private entries. I still don’t think it’s a good idea to go public with it. I am, however, still offering hosting.