Happy New Year. I watched the fireworks last night (they set them off early because of noise ordinances) and after that, I fell asleep. It’s unusual that I’ve been sleeping because I usually don’t because of insomnia. I’m just so tired from being stressed about moving. I have to move in exactly one month and there’s so much to do. I’ve been selling stuff on eBay to get rid of things I don’t need or use anymore and I still need to decide what I can donate or throw away. I don’t even have many moving boxes yet. I don’t have a vehicle to haul them. They may have to be ordered online.
Anyway, I hope this year is better for me and anyone else who had a rough 2017.
It’s that time of year again. It’s always hard not being able to see my family at holidays. It doesn’t even feel like Christmas. We don’t get snow here because it’s warm. When I lived in Pennsylvania we always had a white Christmas. I don’t miss the cold though.
My mom got me some gifts:
A Saved By The Bell tee
3 bottles of Stress relief body wash
And a card:
I hope you all have a good Christmas.
I haven’t blogged in awhile because of everything that has been going on. I’ve been making preparations to move, I have to be out of this apartment by February 1st. I also got really sick with a stomach virus and was stuck in bed for a few days. Then I found out at the dentist that I need a crown. I’ve had a toothache for awhile and should have gone in sooner but I’ve been busy with other things. It turns out that a filling in my molar cracked and there’s a big cavity. If I don’t get this taken care of I’ll need a root canal so I go in on the 2nd so they can start working on that.
My dad hasn’t been doing well and has been acting really strange so my mom took him to the doctor and they did bloodwork. They said he was dehydrated and had to go to the emergency room. Based on how he has been acting they did a chest and brain scan. Today I found out he has fluid in his brain and has to go to the Pittsburgh hospital. I hope everything will be ok.
I haven’t really been thinking/worrying about the holidays because I’m so overwhelmed with what’s going on and holidays are pretty much like any other day to me. The main focus right now is packing to move in time.
I filed a case with eBay about the items and they told me I needed to go to the post office to see how much it would cost to send the items back. I would also need new packaging because they packed it so tight it all tore when trying to get it open. I decided to close the case. I don’t have a vehicle so it would cost me money to take an Uber or Lyft to the post office. When I needed to ship something I’d just get bubble mailers from the store within walking distance and have the mail carrier pick them up. It’s just not worth it. When I sold on eBay if a buyer had a problem with an inexpensive item I just refunded them and told them they didn’t have to send it back to me. I’m not sure why this seller is so hell-bent on wanting this total junk back. eBay didn’t even seem to care that they’re selling stuff like this. I will make sure I am more careful next time. I at least left the seller a negative.
Yesterday one of my mental health workers took me to go look at an apartment. Maintenance was still working in there but I didn’t like it at all. The kitchen only had a tiny sink, a few cupboards, no counter space, a small refrigerator and a small stove. I don’t know where a microwave or anything else would go. Most of the cookware would have to go in a closet. The bathroom also only had a shower and no bathtub. For as much as they want in rent, I won’t be getting much of anything. The office at the place I live now said if I wanted to stay here (I don’t, but it may be my only option) I would have to move into a remodeled apartment. Staying in this one is not an option. I don’t even like the remodeled ones because the new kitchen takes up half the living room. That means some furniture would have to go. The manager said no because they want to remodel all the apartments and they can’t do that if they let people stay in the old ones. The other places I wanted to see don’t have anything available for me to look at and don’t know if they’ll have one ready to move into when my lease is up (January 31st). I’m not sure what I’m going to do, it’s just stressful.
I’ve been posting about this on Twitter, but I’m just mad and frustrated at this point. I bought a bathroom set from a seller on eBay and got scammed. What actually arrived was so terrible I couldn’t even use them. I contacted the seller and they offered a 30% discount without returning the items. If I wanted a full refund, I’d have to send them back. Why should I have to pay to ship them back when they weren’t as described? The seller also suggested I donate or sell them. Nobody is going to want this garbage. They’re getting a ton of negatives with complaints about how awful the items are and that they were scammed. I tried opening a case with eBay and PayPal and I guess I need to wait for the seller to resolve it which I don’t think they have. I’m going to try to fight this and get my money back but I don’t know if I will. I don’t know why they allow people to sell total crap and not take responsibility for it. It’s not so much the cost, it’s the fact that they falsely represented the items and don’t seem to care. If eBay and PayPal won’t help, I guess it’s a lesson learned and I’ll be more careful with what I purchase. It’s still really frustrating though.
The first place we went to looked pretty nice but the manager wasn’t in and there wasn’t a vacant apartment available to look at so the lady gave us a paper with prices and everything. The second place was pretty small but the office was closed (12:30 is kinda early to be closed) but there were papers outside the door for people to take with prices. I told my mental health worker that we should have called ahead, but she said she’d do that for next time. Obviously, without looking at actual apartments I don’t know which one I’d want to move to. I like the location of the second place because it’s near downtown but it’s more expensive. I still have time yet to find something.
I hate how the cable company has a monopoly in this area. They’re raising my internet bill because the promotion I signed up with has ended. They added a new promotion but I’m still going to be paying over $20/month more. It looks like the only other option is DSL and I don’t really want that. They already made enough people mad for doing data caps on internet and they’re raising prices. They know they can get away with it because there aren’t really any other options.
Therapy has been going ok, but trying to get my other worker to do what she’s supposed to is really difficult. She’s supposed to be helping me find an apartment because I’m having a hard time doing it myself. The first time she was supposed to take me she said something was wrong with her laptop and the car didn’t get reserved. The second time I tried to call her and got a message that I was blocked. She called me from her personal phone to tell me that her work phone and laptop were stolen out of her car and she should have new ones soon. Why would you keep electronics in a car to begin with? Today she completely blew me off and didn’t show up and didn’t call. I understand that things happen but this is the third time I’ve been canceled on. I may have to contact the person in charge of the program and request someone else because nothing is getting accomplished here. I’m just getting really irritated.
I also missed my psychiatrist appointment because my case manager was out for a week. I wish I never got arrested and lost my car and license because what a pain it is to get anywhere and get anything done.
I met with my new therapist today, he seems nice. Hopefully, he will be better than the last one. The last one kept making inappropriate comments that made me feel uneasy and I had to stop going. What’s even better is that he comes to my apartment instead of me having to run to an office. Today was just going over goals and updating my service plan. He said he wants to meet with me once a week which is great. The other places I have gone were only able to offer me a half hour of therapy once a month because of their caseload. I also have someone else helping me find another apartment. We found a couple of places to go look at. I’ve looked up a lot of places online and she has too. The reviews are pretty bad but I guess I’ll have to go see for myself.
AOL announced that they would be discontinuing AIM. I remember using AIM to keep in contact with classmates, friends, people from other countries. I would use song lyrics for away messages and tried to have the coolest buddy icon and profile. I had AOL dial-up before that and so did everyone else at school. There weren’t any social media at that time so everyone tried to have the coolest screen name and profile with different colors and styles. The chat rooms were entertaining too. I would get instant messages from guys asking ASL or if I wanted to cyber. Those were the days.
Today I met with a lady from mental health services and she is going to help me find another apartment. She already had a place in mind but didn’t remember the name of it. I told her everything that has been going on during the past 5 years I’ve lived here. I also told her that all the problems (mainly with the pests) have made my depression a lot worse and that I need to move for my own well-being. I moved to a different unit last year in this complex because the pest problems were bad in the original unit I lived in. I thought things would be better in the new unit, but they aren’t. Obviously, most of this place is infested.
I meet with her again next Friday and she said she’ll have a list of places and we can go look at them. My lease isn’t up until the end of January, I’ll see if I can get out of it early but I might not be able to. If worst comes to worst I’ll have to stay until then. I renewed for a 6 month lease in August, not knowing the pest problem would get even worse. People around here don’t treat me very well either. I’m glad I didn’t sign a year lease. I’m also going to do in-home counseling. Now that I’ve gotten some help, I feel a bit more hopeful that I can get out of here and start feeling better. I won’t if I continue to stay. It’s time to move on to better things.
I saw my psychiatrist today and he prescribed a medication that’s used to treat Bipolar. I don’t know if I’m Bipolar or not but I keep struggling with mood problems and depression. I’m also on other medication to help with mood. Most of it is situational. Since I haven’t heard from the navigator who was going to help me find another place, I’ll have to try to get in touch with the lady who did the intake.
That person who stole my card information last month is still causing trouble. They tried making a purchase from iTunes, and I got an email saying an order is ready for pickup at a Toys R Us in Indiana. The old card was closed and has been closed for over a month but they are still trying to use it. I called the bank and Toys R Us and neither were of any help. I wish this person would get caught but that probably won’t happen. Since all that happened, my email spam folder has been filling up with thousands of porn emails. That wasn’t happening before so it wouldn’t surprise me if that person signed me up for all of that. There are some really messed up people out there.
I’m 34 today. I’m starting to feel old. I don’t really have any plans today but I’ll probably be drinking. I found a small round birthday cake at the grocery store bakery marked down to $4.99, so I bought it. My mom got me a Yankee candle (I love those) and some other little things. I’ve said this before, birthdays aren’t really a big deal anymore the older I get. I’ve been under a lot of stress because of my current living situation, but today I’m going to try not to stress too much.
I miss birthdays when I was a kid, spending them with all the family and especially my grandparents. They spoiled me and I loved it. My grandparents died, so birthdays and holidays aren’t the same. I have some old pictures of me with my grandmother on my birthday. Here are some pictures of me with my grandmother on my 2nd and 5th birthday:
I’ve been really mad that my apartment is now infested with cockroaches. I went off a bit on office staff about how tired I am of pest problems. The last unit I lived in here was infested with rats and bedbugs, pest control was having a hard time getting rid of them so I moved to another unit (the one I’m in now). I started seeing a cockroach here and there a week after I moved in here. Pest control has been coming regularly to spray but that isn’t working anymore because the problem has gotten worse. Neighbors had them and never said anything, now most of them have moved out which caused the cockroaches to move in here. I’m now having to spend all this time doing all the prep work for a more intensive treatment. They did this intensive treatment several months ago to all the units and thought that would be the end of it but that is not the case. Everything has to be ready by Wednesday. I got a lot done today. It also doesn’t sound like they want to treat these vacant units until they’re done being remodeled. This could take weeks/months for them to finish them. I doubt that the problem will go away unless they do the treatment in mine and the others the same day.
The lease is up at the end of January and they require 60 days notice if I’m moving. That means I would have to find another place by November. My mental health clinic offers a lot of services, so my case manager is referring me to someone who can help me find another place. They help you find and go look at apartments. I haven’t had a lot of luck looking online, I found one place that might work but I’ll have to see if this person might have other ideas. 5 years at this ridiculous place is plenty. My mental health has gotten worse because there is just problem after problem. I know cockroaches are a common problem in Arizona, but if management would stop making excuses for not checking other units it wouldn’t be getting to this point.
I’ve written about this before, but I had this “friend” who would constantly piss me off with her crappy behavior. She may see this, but oh well who cares.
I met her at my apartment complex a few years ago. This “friendship” was never really right to begin with. I kept telling her the truth but she made it out to always be my fault for not “understanding” or whatever. I understand just fine. It was always a one sided friendship. When I lived on the other side of the complex, she would harass me constantly for cigarettes. She said her boyfriend takes all her money and she can’t buy her own. She uses people. If they have something she wants (cigarettes, a place to live, pot, etc) she’ll always be around. I would always be the one to reach out to talk or hang out but she wouldn’t unless she wanted something. She came over to visit this past Sunday, and the only reason she did that was that she wanted me to go to the store for her. She gave me the money, but still. Her health is bad so she can’t really walk. Staying in bed all the time and abusing pills really isn’t helping the situation (been there done that, it doesn’t help anything at all). She also has no manners and is very rude. Of course, if I bring this up I get yelled at and it’s my fault somehow again. When she was over, she wouldn’t stop texting and talking on the phone. The right thing to do would have been to tell them she’s busy and would talk later. She says she has her own stuff going on and I’m apparently wrong for wanting to actually talk and spend time with her. There’s always some excuse.
I would stupidly forgive her time and time again, probably because I’m not good at socializing and making friends. I can’t let this continue. Even my mom doesn’t like her because of this behavior. Whenever I point out this behavior, I’m the bad guy. I can’t win. I just need to move on with my life. None of this is ever going to change because she doesn’t see an issue with her actions. It’s always my fault. No more.
I plan on moving out of here in the near future, but her lease is up before mine.
Earlier this week someone got ahold of my debit card information and there was an unauthorized charge for $0.56 for a medical place in another state. I called the bank right away and they canceled the card and was sending me a new one. They said it would take 7-10 business days to receive it. I told them I couldn’t wait that long because some bills were due. I just received the new card today because they sent it express so I’d get it sooner. The unauthorized charge didn’t go through so I didn’t have to dispute it. Whoever got my information tried to make hundreds of dollars in purchases in the middle of the night last night, and they were all declined because the card was canceled.
This has happened several times in the past, unfortunately. People must be getting the card numbers from a website or from a store. I only use my card online on legitimate websites. I don’t know what else I can do to try to prevent this, but I suppose if someone really wants the information they’ll find a way to get it anyway.
Yesterday I saw the GI doctor and he wanted me to have a colonoscopy done. He asked if I had anyone who could be with me and go home with me because they would have to put me to sleep. I don’t have anyone, so he didn’t schedule the procedure because he said it would be a liability issue if I went home alone. I also can’t do it because I can’t have any food for a day, only liquids. I have low blood sugar and have to eat several times a day. Liquids are not going to keep my blood sugar up and I will get sick. I also can’t take any of my medications which are also a huge problem. My mental health has been bad, and I really don’t think this is something I can do. I also have past trauma of being put to sleep. When I had my tonsils removed as a kid, I ended up in a psychiatric hospital afterward for a month. The doctor said that they would also want to put me to sleep to stick a scope down my throat and into my stomach. My case manager even said if I am not mentally stable enough for something like this, then don’t do it. The doctor also mentioned ultrasounds and bloodwork. Those might be my only other options. I feel like the doctor doesn’t understand that this is not good for my mental health. I’ll just have to tell them that I can’t do this because of my mental health.
I went back to my PCP last week still about the allergic reaction/itching and stomach problems. She had me do bloodwork there to check for Celiac Disease. That came back negative, so she referred me to a dermatologist and a GI doctor. I see the dermatologist on the 27th but the GI doctor said they couldn’t get me in until October. I spoke with the referral department about how long it will take to see the GI doctor, and they gave me a number to a different one. They were closed when I called so I’ll try again on Monday. My stomach is bothering me on a daily basis and it can’t wait until October. I hope the other one can get me in sooner. I wouldn’t be surprised if my anxiety has caused an ulcer or something.
I also saw my psychiatrist last week, he increased one medication and prescribed a new one. I wasn’t able to get the new one because insurance wouldn’t cover it. I left them several messages about that, and the pharmacy sent over several faxes. The doctor hasn’t responded to the pharmacy and I haven’t been able to get anyone to call me back. It’s a brand name drug that doesn’t have a generic, so that’s why it’s not covered. To get it covered, the psychiatrist would have to do paperwork and send it to the insurance company, which I’m sure he doesn’t have time to do. I suggested in the message to prescribe an alternative that has a generic. I’m really frustrated that this still hasn’t been resolved. The medication was for insomnia which I’m still having really bad. The pharmacy said they need to hear from the doctor about this. I understand he’s busy, but it shouldn’t be taking this long to resolve. I shouldn’t have to keep calling them, it’s such a pain. Sometimes I really have to be persistent with things like this.
I received a lease renewal notice, and it’s going up $100/month. I really don’t want to renew, but I haven’t been able to find anything else that will work. Most of the places I’ve looked up have a lot of break-ins and bed bug problems. The manager is willing to let me sign a 6-month lease instead of a year, so that’s what I’m going to have to do since there’s no time to find anything when I haven’t had luck anyway. My current lease is up July 31st. I also had to get renter’s insurance because it’s now required. During the 6-month lease, I’m going to have to figure something else out because it’s getting too expensive to live here and I’ve experienced way too many problems here the past 5 years (rodent and bug infestations, leaks, water is being shut off for repairs too much, nosey neighbors always trying to pry into my business/cause drama, air conditioning isn’t that great).
I also received an e-mail from the cable company saying they are capping internet usage at 1TB/month and if you go over that, you have to pay more. I don’t use that much, but still. There aren’t really any other options because they have a monopoly in this area. Hopefully, I won’t have to worry about it much.
I’ve never been good with people because of my autism, and I really don’t like when people put me on the spot or expect me to do things I’m not comfortable doing. There’s this young couple who lives 2 doors down from me and the guy’s mother is staying with them, and the father occasionally comes by and apparently, the son doesn’t want him to. Sometimes when I start to come outside for a cigarette, the father is sitting in my chair (which isn’t a big deal, but he can’t seem to leave me alone). He keeps asking me to do things that I’m not comfortable doing (knocking on his son and girlfriend’s door). I don’t know them and they don’t know me. The son tends to ignore the father’s efforts to contact him because I guess they don’t get along. The father keeps thanking me for doing these things when I don’t do them, I just say yeah ok when I really should say no. I just feel bad because it’s a sad situation all around. I just don’t want to get involved because it’s not my place to act as a mediator between father and son. I’m just going to have to say no and hope he doesn’t get too upset. I’m really not good with people and forced interaction. I just like to keep to myself honestly.
Today my apartment complex held a pool party with a DJ, food, drinks, and raffles for $100 gift cards. I wish I could have gone, but there were several reasons why I couldn’t. The reasons were this itchy skin condition, the heat, and feeling wiped out because my back flared up this morning. I always miss out on fun stuff. I used to be able to go to a lot of different things (I had a car then and don’t now, so that also makes it hard) when I was in my 20’s, but once I hit my 30’s, my physical and mental health have deteriorated. I miss being able to do a lot of things, it sucks getting older. Whenever I do miss something I wanted to go to, I feel pretty crappy about it for a day or two especially when other people tell me how much fun it was. At the end of the day, I just have to be okay with my decision not to go to some things if it would negatively affect my health.
Is anyone else on the spectrum annoyed about this fidget toy trend? I don’t even own one myself. Something that’s used to help people with autism, anxiety, ADHD, etc. is now some huge fad. I saw this article and would have to agree.
“Mum, it’s like everyone wants to be autistic like me now!” my 8-year-old daughter announced as she came out of school on Monday.
She was referring to the latest “craze” for the fidget spinner in her school (and it seems every other school in the country). Suddenly it was “cool” to want to fidget, and if you didn’t have the must-have fidget toy, you were somehow the odd one out.
It did somewhat amuse me to think that after an entire month of autism awareness all it actually took to make autism “cool” was a little handheld plastic and metal spinner!
I was considering a fidget cube awhile back, but never actually got one. I don’t exactly want to jump on this trend now.