Living with Asperger’s is not easy

I wanted to get some stuff off my chest because I’m feeling upset for reasons I won’t get into here. My Asperger’s is really hard to live with. For some, it’s not that bad. There are very different levels of functioning and ability among those who are on the spectrum. For me, things tend to be more difficult.

I can’t really relate to people, understand them, or work out their intentions. Any friendship or relationship I’ve been in has led to arguing and fighting because of the things I say. I’m very open so I always say what I’m thinking. This usually tends to piss people off which is not my intention. It’s just very draining to be around people also. I also have difficulty when someone approaches me and tries to talk to me. I freeze up and stumble over my words.

I’m in an Asperger’s group on Facebook, and even those people I don’t relate to. They all seem proud to have it and wouldn’t change it. I on the other hand, wish there was a cure so I can be more “normal” and have good relationships with people. I like spending most of my time alone because it’s when I feel more myself. When I’m around people, it’s like I have to “pretend” to be like everybody else. I feel like my mom is the only person I can have a decent relationship with without any problems, probably because she’s been there for me my whole life.

Sometimes I feel like I’m better off alone so I don’t have people in my life who just don’t understand and end up treating me badly. I don’t trust many people because of this. I wish I could deal with people better, but it’s just not in me to be social. I’d rather e-mail or text someone to communicate rather than talk on the phone or in person. I even went to college online so I didn’t have to put myself through even more stress of being around people so much. I need what I call “no people time”. This is a time for me to be alone and do my own thing without others.

I guess people are just going to have to accept all of this or just not be my friend.

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I'm Erin, a 35 year old childfree woman with Asperger's living in Arizona. I enjoy blogging, movies, reading, journal writing, Android, The X-Files, Stranger Things, metal, 80's and electronic music, cute things, ducks, pink, social networks, Hello Kitty, and Pusheen.

3 comments on “Living with Asperger’s is not easy

  1. I unfortunately can’t say I understand what you’re going through, because I don’t. I’m sorry that your friendships and relationships don’t work out easy. But, I’m also glad that you have your mother, and that she’s there for you always.

    It’s perfectly fine that you have a preferred method of communicating. It’s good that there’s technology these days that make it easier for other people to communicate. Alone time is also fine, I myself like alone time better than being social, but for different reasons. People who don’t accept you for who you are don’t deserve your time.

    Take care :)

  2. A guy I went to school with had Asperger’s and unfortunately it’s affected him so badly that he stopped coming to school.

    I can’t imagine what you are going through, but it can’t be easy. I’m not a very sociable person anyway so I get the need to have alone time.

  3. I don’t have aspergers so I can’t relate to that.

    But I do have trichotillomania (hair pulling disorder) and frequently in the community I see a lot of people who are “proud” of it and wear it as a badge of honor. Also, like with aspergers there are different levels of it and not everyone suffers the same. For me, I only pull my eyebrows and eyelashes. Some people pull from only their head. Some people compulsively pull any hair on their body. I think the “pride” of the disorder is a coping mechanism, a way to make light out of a shitty situation that will probably affect a person for the rest of their lives.

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