Lately I have not been able to leave my apartment (except to smoke, since smoking is not allowed in the apartments here). I have been canceling doctor’s appointments because of anxiety and fear, and I’m worried I will no longer be able to see my psychologist because the doctor’s office has rules about missed appointments. I get so anxious that I become physically ill. I feel like there is some sort of force that is holding me back, not letting me do basic things like go to appointments and go grocery shopping.
I just feel like nothing matters anymore and why do I bother with anything. I wish I could have my therapy session over the phone so I can explain myself as to why I haven’t been showing up. I know I need to go, but I just can’t. I feel trapped in this bubble I can’t escape from.
I’ve been following The Curly Hair Project on Facebook, and I can completely relate to what she has to say having Asperger’s myself. I recently ordered one of Alis’s books called “Asperger’s and Me”. I can’t wait for it to arrive. I fully support this project and would recommend any females on the Autistic spectrum to check it out.
I was thinking maybe I should be more open about my condition and how it affects my life.
Nothing really new has been going on with me, but I did renew my lease for my apartment even though it’s a pain to live here sometimes. The new neighbors upstairs have been driving me crazy, they are SO noisy. I can hear pretty much everything up there and it’s hard to get some sleep.
I had a dentist appointment which I was dreading because I don’t have insurance, but it turns out everything is fine. I was having some pain and the dentist said it was due to me grinding my teeth. They keep trying to get me to spend over $500 on a nightguard but that isn’t going to happen. Glad I don’t need work done on my teeth.
Basically I’ve just been hanging out with my girlfriend and watching movies. She got me a cute teddy bear which was sweet.
I had been going through a really extensive disability review, they sent me a bunch of forms as well as my mom. They kept calling too. They were having a problem getting my medical records and I was really worried, but they finally said they got my records and that there’s plenty of evidence that I’m still disabled. So I’m really happy about that (not happy about being disabled, but you know what I mean). I was so scared there for awhile. Now I can rest easy knowing I have little to stress about (except my upcoming dental appointment, who knows how much that will cost).
I also went to see War of Ages (band from my hometown) and they recognized me and hugged me, I thought that was so awesome! Love those guys.
Things are going well with the girlfriend and I feel happier than I have in a long time.