So about a few months ago, my doctor diagnosed me with Paranoid Schizophrenia. He’s tried me on various anti-psychotics, none of which have done anything but give me nasty side effects. Most of them made me shake and feel like I was crawling out of my skin (that’s how my doctor put it). One was so bad I couldn’t control my jaw. The one I’m on now was working fine until the dose was increased, now I’m getting that shaky feeling again. I wish my body would accept treatment, because hearing voices and being paranoid really sucks. It’s also been making me more depressed which doesn’t help. A few days ago, the neighbor stopped by and banged really hard on my security door, scaring the crap out of me (I don’t know why people don’t use the doorbell). I hate living in fear like that.
It’s just really starting to sink in, this new diagnosis. I don’t like it one bit. I feel like a complete outsider and nobody seems to understand. I also didn’t need this with all the other crappy things I’m diagnosed with (Asperger’s, depression, severe anxiety/panic disorder, OCD, ADHD). I’m seeing a therapist regularly, but that doesn’t really seem to be helping. I’ve been on medications and have seen doctors since I was 3 years old, I think my body is just rejecting medications at this point. I’m also so tired of it all and just want to give up, but I try to keep going day by day.