Dating and being childfree

Dating is very difficult when you’re childfree, at least for me anyway. If a guy already has kids or wants them, that is a definite deal breaker for me. I’ve known from a young age that I never wanted to have kids, and I still don’t. My mind is not going to change because I honestly have no desire to be a mother, I also don’t really get along with kids well.

It seems like most guys wants kids, or already have them. One of my ex boyfriends really wanted kids, even though I told him from the start that I didn’t. We dated for about a year, and he started to bug me about kids. I told him that I didn’t want them and he knew this before we started dating. I ended up terminating the relationship, but that wasn’t my only reason. Later on I found out that he had two kids with another woman.

What I don’t understand is, if you truly want kids, why date someone who doesn’t? I guess they think my mind will change, but I can say with 100% certainty that it will not. I would honestly rather remain single than have kids that I don’t want to make someone else happy. I’ve tried the whole online dating thing, and that hasn’t worked out either. I could date a guy that wanted kids later on, but I don’t see the point because the relationship wouldn’t work out. I’m a serious relationship type of girl, so I’m not really into having flings because I’m getting older and would like to get married. I also don’t want an actual wedding either, but a civil ceremony. I’ve never been into fancy dresses and huge celebrations, I’m also not religious.

Hopefully there is a guy out there somewhere for me that feels the same way about all of this.

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Erin

I'm Erin, a 33 year old childfree woman with Asperger's living in Arizona. I am a disability and LGBT rights advocate. I enjoy blogging, movies, reading, journal writing, vaping, Android, The X-Files, metal, 80's and electronic music, cute things, pink, social networks, Hello Kitty, and Tweety.

8 comments on “Dating and being childfree

  1. It seems like we might be the same person! I agree with absolutely everything you’ve said. I struggle with the same dating issue. The last guy I dated broke up with me over wanting kids. Many guys who contact me online have kids and assume I would be okay with THEIR child, or assume that I’m not serious about not wanting kids, or want to know what is wrong with me that caused me to not want children. I’m 30, happily single, but would like to find someone great if he’s out there. Don’t really know what to do about that.

  2. I’m also a childfree person who doesn’t like weddings, agreeing with all of your major points. Allow me to be proof of existence for you, considering I am of the male persuasion; we exist.

  3. I feel like we’re of the same mindset. I am childfree, never wanted a big wedding, I do not do religion and I am not into paying for big parties for everyone else’s benefit. I always had horrible luck with dating due to mostly the childfree part… and for that reason never really dated all that much. I had made my mind up that I’d rather be single and live alone with my cats forever than to have babies that I did not want.
    Then I met my future husband who was of course also childfree…
    Long story short we were married in July of 2010 in a civil ceremony that consisted of us two and the county magistrate. We still have the cats, and are still devoutly child and religion free. :)

  4. I guess I am on the other side. lol I want to get married AND have kids. I am a bit traditional and I do believe in God, but I can’t seem to find anyone to do that with (here where I live anyway). Most guys have “baby mamas” and many aren’t looking for marriage either. I agree with you. Why date someone who doesn’t have the same end goal as you? Like you, I look for someone who is wanting a long term, serious relationship. I think it’s very important to talk about those things before getting into a relationship. I just don’t understand why the guy though you would change your mind about having kids, when you clearly stated that you didn’t want any. I also don’t want a big huge wedding. I think they are way to expensive & overrated. I believe there is someone out there for everyone, and in due time, I hope we both find who we are looking for. :)

    1. @Joyce, In my last relationship, kids didn’t come up right away. He never mentioned kids and it was a new relationship, but I should have said something sooner. He wasn’t the guy for me for other reasons anyway. Whenever I say I want kids, it scares guys off. At this point that’s one of the first things I’m going to mention because I’m not willing to settle for a relationship I don’t want.

  5. Oh okay. That’s for explaining. I agree with you 100%! Don’t settle for a relationship you don’t want. Due to me being “traditional” I scare a lot of guys off because I won’t do a lot of things, esp. if I don’t know them that well. I guess you can call me a romantic, or someone who prefers some form of a courtship. lol But I decided that its best to just lay it all out from the start (esp. dealing with kids, marriage, long term relationship goals, do’s & don’ts, etc…) I hope we both find who we are looking for, or they find us. I am 26 and most of my friends have families already lol

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