Depression is kicking my ass

I’ve had a deep depression for a few weeks now, I was fine until I got bed bugs. They came in an exterminated once but will be back on Monday to do it again. It’s no fun getting bit when you’re trying to sleep. My apartment is an absolute mess because I had to remove everything from my kitchen, closets, dresser drawers, and closet, so there’s stuff everywhere. I hope this can get taken care of so that my apartment can go back to normal, I would feel more comfortable if things were back in order.

This apartment complex has really gone downhill. I’ve had roaches, rats, and now bed bugs. Plus the air conditioning keeps shutting down and the hot water doesn’t work half the time. I’d move but I have a year left on my lease. I can’t afford another place because I need utilities included and not many places offer that. So I’ve just been hanging in there to see if things get resolved.

That’s been what’s going on lately, I haven’t felt like getting on the computer or doing much really. When I get depressed I just want to sleep and do nothing. Hopefully when this is all over with I’ll feel better.

On a positive note, the Hello Kitty festival is at the end of this month. <3

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2015 has been a bad year

Since the beginning of the year I’ve struggled with finances, struggled with my illnesses, and have had problems with my apartment. It seems everything is going wrong and I don’t know what to do. It’s just taking it’s toll on me emotionally and physically. I really hope things start to get better. :tired:

Anyway, I hope everyone had a great 4th of July (Americans). Here are some fireworks I saw on Saturday:

4th of July #suicidegirls

A video posted by Erin Loper (@erinthehellokittygirl) on

Mood: Stressed
Listening to: Nothing

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Got the root canal done

I went to the dentist this morning to get my root canal done. I was very scared and nervous because I never had one before. I needed a lot of Novocaine because I’m hard to numb. Everything went fine, it was a long process but it wasn’t bad at all. I was expecting to be in lots of pain but I wasn’t. I’m so glad it’s over with, I was in pain and having a lot of anxiety.

Don’t believe the stories you hear about root canals being really bad. I will tell you that it’s actually very boring being in the dentist’s chair for 2 hours.

Mood: Relieved
Listening to: Nothing

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I’m scared

Edit: The dentist’s office called this morning to tell me the dentist was out sick and rescheduled me for Thursday.

Yesterday I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled and that didn’t hurt, but Monday I have to get a root canal. I’m scared because I’ve never had one before and am afraid it will hurt. I hate dental work. :sleepy:

In other news, my Facebook group is doing well and I’m proud of that. I worked hard on it.

Just a short blog, sorry.

Mood: Blah
Listening to: Seether - Nobody Praying For Me

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Making progress

My doctor’s appointment today went well. I have been doing better as far as the depression goes, and the schizophrenia has improved a bit. I’m still having problems with anxiety, so my doctor switched me from Xanax to Klonopin. It’s supposed to last longer whereas the Xanax has a short life span.

I also created a new Facebook group, Schizophrenia, bipolar, depression and anxiety. I’d appreciate it if you would join if you suffer from those conditions. We don’t have many members as of yet.

Mood: Ok
Listening to: Nothing

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Update on my mental health

Things seem to be going better than usual, I think the increase in anti-depressant is helping, as well as the increase in anti-psychotic. I did have an episode of paranoia and scared feelings the other night, but all seems ok now. Unfortunately, my financial situation has taken a turn for the worse, but that’s for another private entry.

I did update my other blogs finally. Sometimes they’re hard to keep up with. I’m just taking one day at a time.

Mood: Bored
Listening to: Nothing

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Memorial day

I didn’t know what to title this, so here’s to those who have died fighting for our country.

I haven’t blogged because there’s nothing to blog about, really. Same old same old. I have been trying out positive thinking though, and it seems to help a little bit. I’ve always been a negative person, so this is a big thing for me. I just wanted to throw that out there.

I also wanted to let people know that I’ve opened a fanlisting for Hot Topic here. Join if you like it.

Mood: Tired
Listening to: Nothing

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Tired of being treated poorly

Edit: We’re no longer friends again.

My friend and I made up, she admitted to going through some personal things and that wasn’t her talking and she messed up.

Last night there was an apartment cookout and none of them wanted me there. Apparently they don’t like that I don’t talk much, or don’t like me, or whatever. I have a neurological disorder called autism (people should know about this by now with all the autism awareness out there), and it has to do with social impairment and other things. People shouldn’t hate me for that or hold it against me. I’ve been treated like shit my whole life and I’m getting really tired of it. I have other problems as well that are difficult to deal with, but people are just not caring enough to understand and it’s sad. :cry:

I don’t feel I deserve to be treated this way, I’m human too.

Mood: Depressed
Listening to: Nothing

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Lost my friend

My friend got in my face and yelled at me for texting her asking when she’s going to be home while at a friend’s house. All I wanted to do was see if she could hang out. Now she’s being a bitch to me. I don’t need any of this so I blocked her from Facebook and texting me. She spends so much time with her other friends that she forgets about me and it’s not a good feeling. She also makes me come visit her or answer her texts constantly when I don’t want to because I want time to myself (I’m autistic and this is something I need, to be alone). I was also sick of her using me.

I just can’t deal with it anymore and I think it’s time to move on. If she can’t be understanding, then I can’t keep doing this. I’ve always had struggles making and keeping friends because of mental health problems, so maybe it’s for the best. I’m just really angry and hurt. Now I don’t have anybody, which is fine because I can make it on my own.

Un an unrelated note, please consider signing up for an account to read my private posts. I also got a new e-mail address:

Mood: Angry
Listening to: Nothing

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Nothing is going right

Where to start…well, I’m in love with someone I can’t have, my mental illnesses are acting up, still having financial difficulties, and just feel overall pretty terrible. It’s hard to handle all this stuff, it really wears me down.

I’ve been struggling with things since childhood and now in adulthood it’s gotten worse. Since it’s gone on this long, will things ever get better? I often ask myself this. If you’re the praying type, please pray for me or keep me in your thoughts, I’d really appreciate it.

Mood: Crappy
Listening to: Creep - Stone Temple Pilots

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I’m so thankful my friend is ok

She had to be rushed to the hospital during a leg surgery at some clinic because I guess she had a bad seizure or something. I don’t know much about the situation and she doesn’t remember what happened. She said she almost died.

I hadn’t heard from her in days so I was getting worried, so I finally called her and she told me she was in the hospital. So glad she’s ok, I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to her. :cry:

Sorry, short blog.

Mood: Lethargic
Listening to: Nothing

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Posted this on Facebook, so I’m also posting it here

I had a Cockatiel named Sammy for 6 years. A few years ago, I had to give him up for adoption because I was busy with college and was dealing with illnesses. I couldn’t properly care for him and give him the attention he needed. I think about him daily and miss him. I often wonder if I did the right thing. I’ve felt guilty for years.

Mood: Guilty
Listening to: Nothing

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Went to the doctor on Thursday, he increased meds

I was supposed to go on Monday, but my anxiety was so bad I couldn’t go, so I went on Thursday. My anxiety was so bad up until my appointment but I made it through it. I prefer morning appointments but they can’t seem to get me in in the mornings. I told my doctor about my problems with depression and hallucinations. He increased my anti-depressant and anti-psychotic to the highest possible doses. Hopefully I start feeling better.

Mental illnesses are so tough to deal with, and some people just don’t understand what I go through each day. I’ve been struggling since I was a child with this stuff and it just gets really tiring. :tired:

Mood: Tired
Listening to: Nothing

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