Nothing is going right

Where to start…well, I’m in love with someone I can’t have, my mental illnesses are acting up, still having financial difficulties, and just feel overall pretty terrible. It’s hard to handle all this stuff, it really wears me down.

I’ve been struggling with things since childhood and now in adulthood it’s gotten worse. Since it’s gone on this long, will things ever get better? I often ask myself this. If you’re the praying type, please pray for me or keep me in your thoughts, I’d really appreciate it.

Mood: Crappy
Listening to: Creep - Stone Temple Pilots

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I’m so thankful my friend is ok

She had to be rushed to the hospital during a leg surgery at some clinic because I guess she had a bad seizure or something. I don’t know much about the situation and she doesn’t remember what happened. She said she almost died.

I hadn’t heard from her in days so I was getting worried, so I finally called her and she told me she was in the hospital. So glad she’s ok, I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to her. :cry:

Sorry, short blog.

Mood: Lethargic
Listening to: Nothing

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Posted this on Facebook, so I’m also posting it here

I had a Cockatiel named Sammy for 6 years. A few years ago, I had to give him up for adoption because I was busy with college and was dealing with illnesses. I couldn’t properly care for him and give him the attention he needed. I think about him daily and miss him. I often wonder if I did the right thing. I’ve felt guilty for years.

Mood: Guilty
Listening to: Nothing

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Went to the doctor on Thursday, he increased meds

I was supposed to go on Monday, but my anxiety was so bad I couldn’t go, so I went on Thursday. My anxiety was so bad up until my appointment but I made it through it. I prefer morning appointments but they can’t seem to get me in in the mornings. I told my doctor about my problems with depression and hallucinations. He increased my anti-depressant and anti-psychotic to the highest possible doses. Hopefully I start feeling better.

Mental illnesses are so tough to deal with, and some people just don’t understand what I go through each day. I’ve been struggling since I was a child with this stuff and it just gets really tiring. :tired:

Mood: Tired
Listening to: Nothing

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Happy Easter!

Happy Easter to those who celebrate it. I got Easter candy and am just relaxing because I have a doctor appointment tomorrow which is giving me a lot of anxiety.

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Mood: Bored
Listening to: Nothing

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Untitled

I’ve been really bad at blogging lately, mostly because of my illnesses acting up. When I feel really unwell I basically just stay in bed or hang out with my friend. I haven’t felt like getting on the computer or anything. I’m feeling a little better now, thankfully. I see my doctor on Monday, and I need to discuss an increase in medication because of excessive paranoia and hearing things. We did talk about an increase last time, hopefully he’ll do it. There was a problem I was having with hearing things (rats, mice) but maintenance came in and inspected my apartment and found nothing, so that tells me the schizophrenia is getting worse. It’s really a hard thing to deal with sometimes. I had to miss The Devil Wears Prada on the 25th because my anxiety and other illnesses were too bad for me to handle being around a lot of people. I wish I could have gone because I really wanted to see them. Sometimes I just can’t handle those types of things when I get to feeling bad.

I’ve also been having trouble with buying on eBay. One person sold me the wrong item and another I never received. I had to contact eBay to see what happens. Some sellers on there you need to watch out for. I didn’t want to pay shipping to send the wrong item back because it wasn’t my fault they screwed up, so I’m out the money and now I have a new clock instead of what I ordered. Oh well.

Nothing much new with me, just been hanging out with my friend a lot.

Mood: Tired
Listening to: Nothing

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Selling a domain

I’m selling shefallsapart.net (expires 1/16/16/) so I can buy a different domain. It’s registered through GoDaddy. If you’re interested, E-mail me and we can work out a price. I only take PayPal though.

Mood: Bored
Listening to: Nothing

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Taking donations

I’m now taking donations via PayPal on the sidebar. I have hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) and need to eat every few hours and the grocery bills are crazy. This is entirely optional, I just wanted to see if anyone was willing to help. I’m not coming off as greedy, I’m just in need. Please don’t bash me for doing this.

Mood: Tired
Listening to: Nothing

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Don’t know what to title this

So the guy came this morning to re-texturize my celing and he did a really good job, looks much better. He’s supposed to come back Monday to paint. I hope he does.

I bought such a cool thing a few days ago, it’s a mini fake fish aquarium and I love it. I always have real fish die on me so this was a good alternative. Here is the video. Pretty cool, huh?

Mood: Bored
Listening to: The radio

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Update on ceiling

The maintenance guy came today to finish the drywall, and it looks bad. He also didn’t fix my faucet right. So I went to the assistant manager and complained. The head of maintenance came over and fixed the faucet properly and took pictures of the bad drywall job. To top it all off he used the wrong color paint. Head of maintenance said he’s going to redo it all next week himself and even took pictures. That one maintenance guy does crappy work and if he’s not careful he’s going to get fired. I’m not happy with it and all the inconvenience it has caused me.

At least if the guy in charge does it, it’ll be done right this time. Hopefully.

Mood: Irritated
Listening to: Nothing

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More maintenance problems

Ever since I moved in here, I’ve been having nothing but problems with leaks, things not working, etc. This time I had another leak, in the bathroom ceiling. Maintenance came yesterday to cut a hole in the ceiling to see where the leak was coming from. They checked upstairs and found nothing. The leak appears to have stopped. They said they’d be back on Monday to check on it (they never show up when they say they’re going to). So I have to have them come over and look at it, then I’m going to need the drywall repaired (which takes forever, because I have to make several complaints for them to fix the whole thing properly). I have OCD and it’s bothering me. :angry:

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Here’s a picture of the hole. I hope since they have new staff they can get this fixed properly and in a timely manner.

Mood: Annoyed
Listening to: Nothing

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My bathroom decor

I have a rubber ducky themed bathroom and lately I’ve finally put some finishing touches on it. Here are some pictures:

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I’m really happy with it! <3

Mood: Bored
Listening to: Nothing

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I feel like I shouldn’t have to hide this

This is hard for me to talk about, mainly because people can be so judgmental. I came out as bisexual not too long ago. I told my mom and she didn’t seem to bothered by it, but my dad doesn’t know. My mom said it’s probably best not to tell him. I can’t help who I’m attracted to. I believe love is love and people should be more accepting. I don’t feel I should have to hide, but I’m afraid if people find out they won’t want to talk to me anymore. I’m a nice person no matter what my sexuality is.

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Mood: Achy
Listening to: AC/DC - Rock Or Bust

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New collective

I started up a collective of all my blogs, you can check it out here. It’s very minimalist but it does want I intended. Now I have so many blogs to keep up with. :D

Just a quick blog to plug my collective.

Mood: Bored
Listening to: Collective Soul - December

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Happy Valentine’s Day

So today is Valentine’s Day, I don’t have any plans. I got this cute card in the mail from my mom:

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Do you have any plans for Valentine’s Day?

Mood: Ok
Listening to: Papa Roach - Face Everything And Rise

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