So tomorrow is Thanksgiving

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I hope everyone who celebrates it has a happy Thanksgiving. I won’t be doing anything tomorrow. Today my apartment complex was offering a Thanksgiving feast in the clubhouse but I didn’t go. I’m feeling down in the dumps again, this always happens around holidays because I miss my family (they’re in Pennsylvania). I don’t know if I’m even going to decorate for Christmas this year. It seems like too much work when it’s over with in a flash.

It seems like as I’ve gotten older, holidays haven’t been as big of a deal anymore. I miss being a kid around the holidays because they were always so much fun. Oh how things have changed. People tell me I should move back to Pennsylvania to be with my family, but that’s not where I need to be. I know deep down that I’m where I’m supposed to be now. It’s tough not seeing my family, but I had to do what was best for me. I felt worse in Pennsylvania than I do here. I’m always afraid I’ll be forced to move back at some point, but I hope that doesn’t happen. I absolutely hate snow and cold weather, it makes me miserable. It’s chilly here but not as bad as it would be there. I miss summer already.

And just another reminder, check out my new Tumblr inheart.nu.

Mood: Tired
Listening to: Nonpoint - Breaking Skin

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I guess I’m not getting my shoes

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An update to this post, two people I’ve spoken with at USPS have lied to me. One said it would be shipped back to the company, another said they’d get the package to me. The package has been going back and forth from West Sacramento to Vallecito California since last week. I wonder how long they’re going to do this. It would be nice to get my order.

Remember, always make sure your ZIP code is correct when ordering online.

Mood: Annoyed
Listening to: Nothing

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My depression has gotten better (for now)

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It comes and goes, but right now I feel ok. I took advantage of it and got the cleaning and laundry done early as well as the grocery shopping. I do wish I had the attention span to watch some movies on Netflix. My doctor won’t give me medication for my ADHD, probably because I’m on Xanax. I just keep pausing movies to get up and do something else, I hate it. My doctor thinks it’s my depression causing that but I don’t think it is, well maybe a little bit.

I guess all I can really do is take one day at a time, and be thankful for days when I feel ok.

Mood: Ok
Listening to: Nothing

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New Tumblr

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I’ve decided to open back up a Tumblr account for quotes and pictures. Check it out here. Follow me if you like. There’s not much there at the moment because I just started it about an hour ago. Erin.nu will still be my main blog.

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Mood: Tired
Listening to: Nothing

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Oh USPS

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Edit: I got a voicemail from USPS saying they’re going to try to fix it and get it to me. I then realized I also forgot to include my apartment number. #-o I hope it gets to me but if not, oh well I guess.

I ordered a pair of shoes online a few days ago and accidentally entered one digit wrong in my ZIP code. So now my package is stuck in California when I live in Arizona. Apparently they go by ZIP codes and not cities and states. I called USPS and they told me the package is being sent back to the company I ordered from. All USPS would have to do is change that one digit to deliver the package, but no, that’d be too easy. I understand it’s my fault for making a typo but I don’t understand why USPS can’t correct that small issue. I hope I get a refund when it’s sent back to the company. I e-mailed them about it so we’ll see. Frustrating but I should have paid more attention. 8-}

Mood: Annoyed
Listening to: Nothing

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More random stuff

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I got an invoice today from my apartment complex’s office for the plumbing service that had to come out a couple Saturdays ago. $244.20 to pull up the toilet and unclog it. The manager said it was my fault for flushing feminine products down it (sorry TMI, I’m usually a TMI type of person, lol) and clogging it. Well, it’s fixed now so that’s what matters.

I ordered some shoes online and completely screwed up the shipping address, so I don’t think I’m going to get them. That’s what I get for ordering things online late at night I guess. I’m trying to sort it out with the site I ordered from and USPS, but the USPS is a pain sometimes.

I’ve also been having a lot of problems with my teeth lately, a lot of them have been hurting. I think I go to the dentist in January but I do see an endodontist on December 3rd to see about a possible root canal. Now I’m thinking I may need more than one, or it could just me being paranoid. I kind of blame my dentist for this because when I came in for my cleaning she was at lunch and didn’t check my teeth for cavities like she normally does. Sometimes I have gone into the dentist complaining of pain and they found nothing wrong. I guess I’m just really paranoid about my teeth or something.

Oh, and I also got a free pizza tonight! I had finally built up enough Papa Rewards from Papa John’s to get a free large pizza. All I had to pay was delivery charge and tip. :-bd

Mood: Tired
Listening to: Avenged Sevenfold - This Means War

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Random stuff

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I didn’t want to leave my last entry at the top because it’s so…negative. I’m trying to think of other things to post about, but it does help me to vent sometimes.

Just a few unimportant things to update: Verizon Wireless e-mailed me the other day offering double the data than what I have for now for the same price if I call them. So I called and now have 4GB instead of 2 at no additional charge. I probably won’t use it, I mostly use my wi-fi, but it’s nice to have just in case.

I bought a space heater yesterday because my apartment complex hasn’t turned on the heat yet (they’re supposed to on the 20th). My apartment has been so cold. I can’t wait for it to be turned on. I’m not liking this cold, I wish it was hot year round.

I also decided to purchase hosting for a year instead of month to month because in the long run it will save me money. I love Host Gator.

I also did a little more shopping when I shouldn’t have, but I got these:
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Mood: Bored
Listening to: Nothing

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Not feeling that great

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My depression is getting to me again. I’ve had severe depression since high school and nothing has helped. My doctor (and other doctors) I’ve seen are a joke and just give me medications that don’t work. I wish I could go back to when I was happier a few years ago and went out and enjoyed myself. Now, I can’t even go to concerts that I used to enjoy going to because I can’t get myself to leave the apartment to go. I have one tomorrow but I don’t think I’ll make it. I’m just not in the mood. I can’t even sit and watch a movie because I have no focus or patience. I just get bored and frustrated with everything and go to bed.

I’ve tried therapy, started that at age 3 and continued it throughout my adult life. It was no help. I find it better to talk to my mom instead. Maybe I should try therapy again, although it’s hard to find someone I click with. My old therapist who I really liked left and took another job. I wish I had more friends and people to do things with.

I guess I’m done rambling for now, I should go to bed.

Mood: Depressed
Listening to: Kongos - Come With Me Now

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Reviews on my recent purchases

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I purchased three things recently and I wanted to write some short reviews on them.

1. Vintage oak side table

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This table is beautiful and very sturdy (but heavy). I really like it and it suited my needs just fine. It has a sliding drawer and some sort of sliding panel. You can get it at your local Target already assembled.

2. Vizio 28″ flat screen TV

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This is a very nice very thin TV with a pretty decent picture. It has two HDMI ports and one USB port. It was also fairly easy to assemble the stand. I would recommend it.

3. BoxWave Keyboard Buddy Galaxy S5 Case

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I was very disappointed with this. It has one piece that snaps on the back of the phone and the keyboard part sticks on by a magnet. It is very flimsy and the keyboard blacklight doesn’t work properly. You also have to charge the keyboard. I wouldn’t recommend buying it.

Mood: Ok
Listening to: Motionless In White - Reincarnate

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Did some shopping

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Yesterday I went to Walmart to buy a new TV and wireless blu-ray player, I wanted one in my bedroom so I put the old one in there. Today I went to Target to get a new table to for new TV in the living room, it’s a bit tall, but it was the only one I could find that was already assembled. I had such a hard time getting it in my car that I scraped it up a bit. Here’s a picture of the TV and table (sorry it’s sideways, I can’t seem to fix it):

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As you can see, I have a very small wall so a TV stand wouldn’t fit. For some reason I keep having problems with my wi-fi dropping out when I’m trying to watch movies. It does this on both the old player and new player. It’s so annoying when you’re trying to watch something and it just shuts off. I should have taken the deal the cable company offered me of cable TV for only $20 extra a month. I have a TV in the bedroom now where the cable line is, but I don’t know if they can make me that offer again, it said nothing about that price on their website. Knowing me I wouldn’t watch it anyway. :))

I also ordered a bluetooth keyboard case for my phone, that should be here sometime tomorrow. It had some bad reviews, but it would be nice to be able to use a keyboard instead of typing on screen. The only downside is that the keyboard has to be charged. I wish they would go back to making keyboard phones. I still have my Droid 4, but it’s old and slow.

Monday I’m supposed to get bloodwork done, I need to have my hormones and thyroid checked. I’m not looking forward to that at all, I hate needles and blood.

Mood: Bored
Listening to: Five Finger Death Punch - Wrong Side of Heaven

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So much anxiety and depression

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For the past month (or month and a half, can’t remember) I’ve been having horrible depression and anxiety (with panic attacks). I’ve been missing appointments, concerts, and slacking on household chores. I did manage to clean and get the laundry done which surprised me. My medication is no help, but my doctor is so hard to get into. I just can’t live like this anymore. I don’t want to do anything but stay home in my pajamas and sleep. It’s just so hard to struggle for so long with these problems. I’m on an anti-depressant and Xanax and they don’t seem to be helping even a little bit. I can only pray that things get better. It seems that after I got that flu everything went downhill. Kind of strange.

Mood: Anxious
Listening to: Lorde - Royals

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Went to the doctor this morning

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Edit: I spoke with the pharmacy manager and apparently by doctor called the wrong pharmacy, but he was able to fill it thankfully.

In my last entry, I mentioned I was going to go to the doctor to see about the lump I found in my breast. The doctor said she’s confident that it’s a cyst, but wants me to get a mammogram anyway. I’m kind of worried about it because I heard those hurt, but I have to get it done.

I’m really not liking the mental health care I’m receiving. They have a new policy now where you can’t just make an appointment with the psychiatrist, you have to call pretty much every day until they have an opening. They open at 8 AM weekdays and my psychiatrist is booked by 8:10. That’s crazy. Tonight they called me about 5 minutes before closing to tell me that they forgot to refill one of my prescriptions. I’ve been without this medication because I thought the doctor was taking me off of it because of it’s high abuse rate. I was told this wasn’t the case and that the medication would be called in. The pharmacy never received it, so I’m not happy that I have to wait until Monday to call the doctor’s office about it. I haven’t slept in I don’t know how long, probably because I’ve been without my medication for almost two weeks. I wish I could go somewhere else, but my insurance won’t cover any place else. It’s so frustrating dealing with this place. ~x(

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Haven’t been doing well

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Feels like it’s been awhile since my last post. I was sick but now I’m not feeling well again. I have had a toothache and have an appointment with an endodontist to see if I need a root canal on my tooth. I also (sorry if this is too much info) found a breast lump and am really worried about that. I have an appointment scheduled to get that checked out, I was too scared to make an appointment but found the courage to make one today. I’m worried because my mom had breast cancer, but she also told me that my aunt has had cysts in her breasts that weren’t cancer and told me to stay positive. My periods are also only lasting for a day which is unusual. I will bring this up with the doctor to see what she thinks. I don’t have much else to say, just wanted to explain why I haven’t been blogging or anything lately.

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Got the flu

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Yesterday I started feeling really sick and looked up flu symptoms, I seem to have most of them. So I won’t be making it to the Whitechapel show tonight. :-< This month has been disappointing because of missed concerts I paid for and couldn't attend. Things just happen I guess. I hope I'm better for my appointment on Monday, I've already rescheduled that twice so I really need to go. I do feel very slightly better than yesterday but I'm going to stay home and rest. I haven't really been able to eat either, and just showering has been a struggle. I haven't felt this awful in a long time. :-& I hope I get better soon.

Mood: Sick
Listening to: Nothing

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Can’t think of a title

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I tried switching hosts again and surprise, surprise, my site wouldn’t work. It just doesn’t make any sense to me why it won’t work with other hosts. Support was too slow and I couldn’t get my site fixed so I canceled. It was a good deal, $25 (with coupon) for a year of hosting. I wanted to save money because my current host charges too much for a yearly pan so I pay monthly. Cheaper isn’t always better I guess. I have noticed my site has been a little slow lately, not sure what’s going on. Probably because I have too many plugins running. :))

I’ve been going through a tough depression, things going on in my life have me stressed out and I’m just overwhelmed and want to stay in bed. I have to go in to the doctor’s office on Monday for an annual assessment to check my progress. There has been none, in fact, I’ve gotten worse. The nurse said she will see if the doctor can squeeze me in so I can discuss this and medications. I doubt it will happen since he is constantly booked. I think I’ll mention to the nurse that I don’t like the new policy of not being able to schedule appointments when I need to, not that it’ll do any good. Phoenix is a large city so they wanted to cut down the amount of appointments because the doctor was seeing so many patients he couldn’t keep track of all their health concerns. I wish I could go somewhere else, but this is the only place that will take my lousy insurance. I just wish they never did this change, I was able to see my psychiatrist whenever I needed to, now you have to call pretty much every day to see if he has an opening because they won’t schedule out farther than 1-2 days now. :-<

Mood: Depressed and bored
Listening to: You Me At Six - Room To Breathe

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Fixed the member registration issue

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You can now register and receive your password e-mails to log in. I’ve also deleted users who were not active, so if you want to be a member you’ll have to register again. Being a member allows you to see my private entries that I post occasionally that I don’t want to be public.

Mood: Tired
Listening to: Nothing

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