I fell behind on blogging again because I got hit with bad depression. I’m still dealing with it (and probably always will). I’m still in therapy and will be seeing my doctor soon. I also had someone else come over and help but I don’t know how that’s going to work out yet because I just met him. The weather has also had some effect. Even though it doesn’t snow here, it got pretty cold for awhile and was raining a lot. It’s warmer now but I prefer summer even thought it gets so hot.
My holidays were uneventful as they usually are. That’s about the time when this depression hit, around Thanksgiving. I’m feeling a bit better today, probably because I got a decent amount of sleep last night and I’ve only been sleeping a few hours a night for a while. I’m also trying to get back to updating my social media again. I’m taking it day by day I guess.
I just wanted to post a quick update since it’s been so long.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been to a show. The reason why I haven’t been going is that I lost my car and license due to my arrest in 2015. It’s much harder to get around these days and Lyft/Uber can get expensive. A lot of bands play at a venue that is about half an hour away from me, but this place was closer. It’s a new bar/music venue. When I went in, my anxiety was kicking into overdrive so much that I was really shaky. I was checking out the shirts at the merch table and wanted to buy one. I talked to Leroy (the vocalist) briefly and was surprised he remembered me because this band is from my hometown. After that, I ordered a couple of drinks to calm my anxiety a bit. I was sitting at a table by the bar alone and it felt kind of awkward. Some people talked to me but not a lot. I’ve always been somewhat of a loner.
After the other bands were done playing and War of Ages came on, it felt so good to be back at one of their shows because they’re always a good time. I was standing right up by the stage and was so close I thought I was going to get hit in the head with a microphone or a guitar. For the last song, everyone was going crazy and I was pushed and fell onto the stage. Some nice people helped me up. They were great as they always are, I’ve lost count the number of times I’ve seen them. Falling on the stage ended up hurting my ankle a bit and it’s still sore.
After the show, the band was hanging out at the merch table talking to people. I worked up the courage to approach them and talk a little and asked for a picture (sorry about how awful I look, I was really sweaty and tired).
It was a great night.
Today is my birthday. I spent most of it watching season 2 of Atypical on Netflix and doing laundry. I feel older physically because my health has not been great. I saw my primary care doctor yesterday, and I will have to go back to do a lung test because she thinks I may have asthma from all the years of smoking. I’ve told her I’ve tried everything to quit (Vaping, Chantix, Wellbutrin, patches, lozenges) and nothing’s working. She also said my depression needs to be managed better. I agree that it does, I have an appointment later this month for that. I’m in therapy weekly also and he acknowledges that I’ve had a really rough few years and that it would be hard to quit smoking when my mental health hasn’t been great. I also saw a nutritionist because my blood sugar was elevated. I know I need to change my diet but it’s hard to feel motivated with depression.
I know, not a good birthday post but it’s just like any other day to me.
During the past 2 months, I’ve had other health issues flare back up and my mental health isn’t too great either. I got hit with depression again so I haven’t cared to be active online and on social media.
A few months back my a/c unit died, then another old one was put in, then it started leaking from the vent and ceiling. A plumber was here from 5:30 PM to 11:30 PM cutting a hole in the ceiling, ripping out the old rusty unit and redoing the plumbing to put the new one in. I thought he was here way too late because I wanted to sleep. At least it’s much cooler in here than it was. Then someone had to come to repair the ceiling where the hole was, they also came late. Then another leak happened, this time it was from (presumably) the roof. I was told the roofing company has to come out and patch it. A puddle would form under my table on the floor every time it rained. I’ve been pretty frustrated with this apartment complex. Things don’t get done in a timely manner because of emergencies they’re dealing with. Many other people had to have their a/c replaced.
I’m hopefully almost done at the dentist. She kept telling me I need a night guard because I grind my teeth. It was really expensive and I really appreciated it, but I can’t stand it in my mouth. It’s so bulky. I have to go in for a cleaning on Tuesday. Hopefully, there won’t be any more work that has to be done.
I had the root canal finished on the other tooth. I was in the dentist’s office for 4 hours. The injections of Novocaine hurt like hell, and then it wore off in the middle of the procedure. It was very painful and awful, but now it’s done. I just need to go back in a couple weeks to get the crown put on there. I’ve also been feeling pretty sick and may have a sinus infection.
Last week I bought a new laundry detergent, it was the same brand but just a different scent. This caused a severe allergic reaction. My whole body was covered in hives, my lips were swelling, and I was having trouble swallowing. I started on Prednisone and anti-histamines right away. It almost landed me in the hospital. I definitely will not use that detergent again and have switched to a perfume and dye free detergent.
Yesterday I had the permanent crown put on the tooth that needed a root canal, and had been complaining for a few weeks of pain on the other side in another tooth. Nothing was showing up on x-rays. A filling was done on that tooth but the pain never got better. They x-rayed again and found an abscessed tooth and the dentist started the root canal but didn’t have time to finish it. I go back on Monday to have it finished. That’s two abscessed teeth within a month. It’s been very painful, to say the least. The antibiotics I was prescribed didn’t help much. Once the root canal is finished and the crown is put on that should be the end of that. Because of these infections, I’ve been feeling sick and have had a small fever. The dentist said I may also have a sinus infection.
I also had to have ultrasounds done on my full abdomen and pelvic region because I’ve been experiencing pain. Those all came back normal. My anxiety makes my stomach flare up. I had bloodwork done too and was told I have pre-diabetes and need to make changes to my diet.
What a nightmare this has all been.
I went to the dentist again and needed a filling in another tooth. At least it wasn’t another infection. I go back again in the middle of June to have the crown put on the tooth that I had the root canal on.
I’ve been feeling sick for the past month or so and didn’t know why. I made several trips to the doctor for ear pain and gynecological issues. My ear was infected at one point so I was prescribed antibiotics and ear drops, and well as stuff for other infections. My ear looked better after the treatment but I was still in a lot of pain. I finally found out why last Monday. I had an abscessed tooth that was causing the ear pain and headaches, as well as chills and fever. The dentist tried to finish the root canal but couldn’t. I would have to see an endodontist. I went to the endodontist today and he found that my general dentist left a piece of an instrument inside one of the canals and it was hard to remove. They charged a lot for it. I wouldn’t think she’d leave a piece of an instrument in a canal on purpose. I have to go back to my general dentist for a crown and something might be wrong in another tooth. It’s always something. The problem is, I had horrible dental work done in my hometown that ruined my mouth. I don’t know why the problems under these old silver fillings aren’t being detected on x-rays.
There have also been things going on around here. First, the air conditioning unit died when it was hot, now there’s something wrong with the washing machine. Since the machines are still under warranty, the GE repair person came out and didn’t find anything. The washer has been making insanely loud noises. And of course, when he was here it wasn’t making the noises. So the next time I did laundry I recorded the machine so they can see what it’s actually doing. I’m not as worried about that as I am about the dental problems though.
I was looking up some blog prompts to post about something different. I liked the favorite childhood toy idea. My grandmother gave me a Fisher-Price dinoroar. These came out in 1992 when I was 8 years old.
It roars when you press the stomach. The original one my grandmother gave me got ruined because I threw it in the washer and ruined the thing that made the roaring sound. It had to be thrown away. A few months ago, I found the exact same one on eBay and got it. They are pretty rare now so I was glad I was able to find the same one. The dinosaur has special meaning to me and brings back good memories. I also found the original TV commercial for these here on YouTube.
Just a quick update to say that 10 years ago today I registered erin.nu. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long. I had a lot of domains the past, but this is the one I stuck with.
I have been feeling lousy the past week so I made a doctor appointment (it was today). It turns out both of my ears are infected and full of fluid. This is nothing new for me, I’ve been having ear problems since I was a child. I have to take antibiotics for the infections as well as Flonase and allergy medication to get the fluid to drain. I went to the dentist last Monday for pain and my bite was off and that was fixed. I’m still having pain but it’s most likely my ears.
My depression also started getting worse. I don’t know if it’s because of this other stuff going on or medication changes. I’m also having insomnia still so that doesn’t help. Maybe because I’m just so tired all the time it’s making me more depressed. I’m on medications for that but sometimes it doesn’t work. It’s usually my brain not wanting to shut off at night. I’m in therapy trying to get my anxiety under control. I hope I start feeling better soon.
I’ve been having a lot of trouble with a certain package delivery service (you may be able to guess which one). I had 2 packages coming from this service. The first one wasn’t delivered until 8:30 at night which was really inconvenient for me. I didn’t think it was even going to show up. It was a patio furniture set that was in a huge box and was heavy. One small piece broke but I was able to superglue it back on so it wasn’t noticeable.
The worst experience was with the second package tonight. The tracking showed it was delivered but there was no knock on the door and no package outside. I had to contact customer service to see what was going on and was told I’d hear from someone within an hour. The driver called me and said he took it to the wrong apartment because he said it looked similar to a different letter. Customer service then called and said the driver should be back to knock on that person’s door to retrieve the package. The driver said I had to knock on this person’s door. I did, and a nice lady answered and was understanding of the situation. I’m lucky she was honest about it and gave it to me. The customer service lady was not at all happy about this. She said he should have been the one to come back to knock on the door, not me. She also said she’d be taking this up with his supervisor because this was ridiculous. He wasn’t even very apologetic about it. She said misdeliveries happen but I shouldn’t have had to be the one to go all the way to that person’s apartment to get it. Whenever I order something, if this delivery service is used I will have to try to avoid it.
I’ve been in the new apartment for a week now. It’s better than the old one. I now have a patio and a washer and dryer inside the apartment. It was a pain having to haul laundry up and down the stairs to the laundry room. I’m also glad to be away from the neighbor’s drama and noise. The only downside to this apartment is the patio faces the busy street and it’s noisy from traffic and road construction. I already have everything unpacked and I’m mostly settled. I found out I’m getting my full security deposit back which is good.
I am having some trouble adjusting to the changes which are making sleeping difficult. It’s always been difficult as it is from insomnia. It’ll just take me time to get used to everything. Now that the moving is over with I have other goals I want to work on (go to the gym, learn to use the bus and light rail because I don’t have a car anymore, and cutting back on and eventually quit smoking).
So far I’ve got most things packed to move except for what I’m still using. I was assigned a new mental health worker who has come over to help. The first one wouldn’t get back to me on anything and would keep canceling on me, and the second one was very rude and pushy. I like the new one, she’s really understanding and helpful. Because I have back problems, I can’t lift or move things that are heavy. She’s going to have some of her co-workers help me move.
I also had to get a new laptop because the one I had got infected so bad somehow that it blocked all access to any anti-virus or anti-malware programs, couldn’t boot from a disk or USB drive, and reset Windows was also disabled. That has never happened before. I tried everything I could think of to fix it but nothing worked. I didn’t know how much it would cost to take it somewhere to be fixed, so I ended up getting a new one that I like better anyway.
I decided to remove the resources section of the site. Most of that stuff was really dated. If anyone wants to download all of them in a .zip file, I’ve uploaded it to Dropbox.
Happy New Year. I watched the fireworks last night (they set them off early because of noise ordinances) and after that, I fell asleep. It’s unusual that I’ve been sleeping because I usually don’t because of insomnia. I’m just so tired from being stressed about moving. I have to move in exactly one month and there’s so much to do. I’ve been selling stuff on eBay to get rid of things I don’t need or use anymore and I still need to decide what I can donate or throw away. I don’t even have many moving boxes yet. I don’t have a vehicle to haul them. They may have to be ordered online.
Anyway, I hope this year is better for me and anyone else who had a rough 2017.
It’s that time of year again. It’s always hard not being able to see my family at holidays. It doesn’t even feel like Christmas. We don’t get snow here because it’s warm. When I lived in Pennsylvania we always had a white Christmas. I don’t miss the cold though.
My mom got me some gifts:
A Saved By The Bell tee
3 bottles of Stress relief body wash
And a card:
I hope you all have a good Christmas.
I haven’t blogged in awhile because of everything that has been going on. I’ve been making preparations to move, I have to be out of this apartment by February 1st. I also got really sick with a stomach virus and was stuck in bed for a few days. Then I found out at the dentist that I need a crown. I’ve had a toothache for awhile and should have gone in sooner but I’ve been busy with other things. It turns out that a filling in my molar cracked and there’s a big cavity. If I don’t get this taken care of I’ll need a root canal so I go in on the 2nd so they can start working on that.
My dad hasn’t been doing well and has been acting really strange so my mom took him to the doctor and they did bloodwork. They said he was dehydrated and had to go to the emergency room. Based on how he has been acting they did a chest and brain scan. Today I found out he has fluid in his brain and has to go to the Pittsburgh hospital. I hope everything will be ok.
I haven’t really been thinking/worrying about the holidays because I’m so overwhelmed with what’s going on and holidays are pretty much like any other day to me. The main focus right now is packing to move in time.
I filed a case with eBay about the items and they told me I needed to go to the post office to see how much it would cost to send the items back. I would also need new packaging because they packed it so tight it all tore when trying to get it open. I decided to close the case. I don’t have a vehicle so it would cost me money to take an Uber or Lyft to the post office. When I needed to ship something I’d just get bubble mailers from the store within walking distance and have the mail carrier pick them up. It’s just not worth it. When I sold on eBay if a buyer had a problem with an inexpensive item I just refunded them and told them they didn’t have to send it back to me. I’m not sure why this seller is so hell-bent on wanting this total junk back. eBay didn’t even seem to care that they’re selling stuff like this. I will make sure I am more careful next time. I at least left the seller a negative.
Yesterday one of my mental health workers took me to go look at an apartment. Maintenance was still working in there but I didn’t like it at all. The kitchen only had a tiny sink, a few cupboards, no counter space, a small refrigerator and a small stove. I don’t know where a microwave or anything else would go. Most of the cookware would have to go in a closet. The bathroom also only had a shower and no bathtub. For as much as they want in rent, I won’t be getting much of anything. The office at the place I live now said if I wanted to stay here (I don’t, but it may be my only option) I would have to move into a remodeled apartment. Staying in this one is not an option. I don’t even like the remodeled ones because the new kitchen takes up half the living room. That means some furniture would have to go. The manager said no because they want to remodel all the apartments and they can’t do that if they let people stay in the old ones. The other places I wanted to see don’t have anything available for me to look at and don’t know if they’ll have one ready to move into when my lease is up (January 31st). I’m not sure what I’m going to do, it’s just stressful.
I’ve been posting about this on Twitter, but I’m just mad and frustrated at this point. I bought a bathroom set from a seller on eBay and got scammed. What actually arrived was so terrible I couldn’t even use them. I contacted the seller and they offered a 30% discount without returning the items. If I wanted a full refund, I’d have to send them back. Why should I have to pay to ship them back when they weren’t as described? The seller also suggested I donate or sell them. Nobody is going to want this garbage. They’re getting a ton of negatives with complaints about how awful the items are and that they were scammed. I tried opening a case with eBay and PayPal and I guess I need to wait for the seller to resolve it which I don’t think they have. I’m going to try to fight this and get my money back but I don’t know if I will. I don’t know why they allow people to sell total crap and not take responsibility for it. It’s not so much the cost, it’s the fact that they falsely represented the items and don’t seem to care. If eBay and PayPal won’t help, I guess it’s a lesson learned and I’ll be more careful with what I purchase. It’s still really frustrating though.
The first place we went to looked pretty nice but the manager wasn’t in and there wasn’t a vacant apartment available to look at so the lady gave us a paper with prices and everything. The second place was pretty small but the office was closed (12:30 is kinda early to be closed) but there were papers outside the door for people to take with prices. I told my mental health worker that we should have called ahead, but she said she’d do that for next time. Obviously, without looking at actual apartments I don’t know which one I’d want to move to. I like the location of the second place because it’s near downtown but it’s more expensive. I still have time yet to find something.
I hate how the cable company has a monopoly in this area. They’re raising my internet bill because the promotion I signed up with has ended. They added a new promotion but I’m still going to be paying over $20/month more. It looks like the only other option is DSL and I don’t really want that. They already made enough people mad for doing data caps on internet and they’re raising prices. They know they can get away with it because there aren’t really any other options.
Therapy has been going ok, but trying to get my other worker to do what she’s supposed to is really difficult. She’s supposed to be helping me find an apartment because I’m having a hard time doing it myself. The first time she was supposed to take me she said something was wrong with her laptop and the car didn’t get reserved. The second time I tried to call her and got a message that I was blocked. She called me from her personal phone to tell me that her work phone and laptop were stolen out of her car and she should have new ones soon. Why would you keep electronics in a car to begin with? Today she completely blew me off and didn’t show up and didn’t call. I understand that things happen but this is the third time I’ve been canceled on. I may have to contact the person in charge of the program and request someone else because nothing is getting accomplished here. I’m just getting really irritated.
I also missed my psychiatrist appointment because my case manager was out for a week. I wish I never got arrested and lost my car and license because what a pain it is to get anywhere and get anything done. :grr: